Chapter 10

Today was like no other. The sun was out, for a while at least. Surprisingly the sun decided to come out on our final day here. I looked out the window every now and then, admiring the bright sky. It was afternoon, mom and dad were packing our stuff, I was sitting down on the couch, reading a book. Indulging in this story really saved my time, instead of wandering outside or sitting down waiting for the day to be over, this captivating storyline filled the empty cup. Meanwhile Pebbles was just lazing around, he rarely got up from the floor. He must be so exhausted, roaming the same place was no fun. Jonathan was fast asleep, all of us really needed a break from everything that has happened.

I wish we had the picnic today. Thinking back, I don't think this book can keep me up all day. I'll finish reading it eventually. Since we're not going out today, I'm going to be so bored. And when that happens, I might fall asleep or go outside and raise my deepest fear again. If I drift into a deep sleep here, I might have nightmares and that's what I don't want. This place gives me nightmares. I want to go home already but I have to wait another whole day. My toes are curling and my head's spinning, why can't I think straight? Why is it so hard for me to decide what I want to do. Never mind Lucinda, block those thoughts, just focus on your book, you can finish it soon enough, and then you can think about other things to do. My mind came up with an idea; Is there a way for me to overcome my fear, even though the beach is desolate, is this the best time for me to appreciate nature's beauty, the ocean? Is this why I'm here? There's always a reason behind our actions and others'.

"Have you been to the far end of this beach?"

Tony's words rang in my head. I placed a hand on my head. My forehead was warming up a little and my eyelids were getting heavy. I wanted to gain something out of this, I swore to calm down and maybe get over my fear, but throughout my entire time here, I didn't do anything. I feel empty and this grudge is only making things worse. My legs went numb and I couldn't control them anymore. I feel so bad for my parents, maybe to everyone else this is a normal family vacation but to me it's dread, because of my own shortfall. Tony is so brave, he's not afraid of anything, he still tried to seek happiness through such rough times. I've been acting like a child, maybe my parents have been questioning me the whole time.

Mom, dad, I have to apologize to them. Why was I feeling this way, numerous times, I don't know. I placed my book on the couch and got up feeling drowsy. My conscious yearned to see the outside world again but not here. My head was filled with a slight bit of fury, I didn't accomplish my initial goal of testing the waters, overcoming my fear, I hid in my own shadow and blamed those around me. I can't come to peace with myself for neglecting my needs during this vacation. What have I gained? More regret.

My legs carried me upstairs where I heard the rummaging of things in the luggage. Footsteps were coming towards my way. That's where I saw mom, her cheery face always seeing the good in things. There I was a mess in my thoughts.

"Oh Lucinda! I was just about to check on you. Is everything alright?"

I looked away in embarrassment. Her concern was appreciated but I can't bring myself to say "Yes everything's fine." Because that wasn't the case, it's not what I came here for. I glimpsed at mom and she was studying my expression with a worried look on her face. I'm starting to wonder why I brought myself to do this but leaving it as it is would only leave a bitter taste in my mouth for a long time. Remember Lucinda, the most significant things that happened in our lives will always stand out the most in our memories. There's no way of escaping that.

"Mom, we're leaving tomorrow.." Those were the only words that came out of my mouth. Great this was going to sound convincing. Now she was blinking at me like I was missing an ear or a nose.

"Yes Lucinda, is something-

"I'm sorry for making you and dad worried all the time. I feel bad, I know you guys wanted the best for me and Jonathan. I enjoyed spending time with you guys! I wish there was a better way for me to put it!"

I said it without even rehearsing it. Not sure if it made sense because I didn't do anything wrong besides downgrading their efforts all the time though I knew it wasn't their fault. What does it take to be as brave as Tony and Timothy? Why can't I be like them? Timothy is younger than us both and yet he can muster up the courage to go on all kinds of adventures with his big brother. That could be me and Jonathan when he grows up. The next time we stumble upon someone feeling troubled about their instincts, me and Jonathan would be their inspirations. Now that's something I want to achieve in mind. But I have to solve my own problems first. What a bummer.

"Oh Lucinda, it's alright we're planning for something better aren't we? Don't think too much about it we're leaving tomorrow. Hanging onto such things is only going to disrupt your daily routines and that's what none of us wants."

The soothing voice cleansed my heart from all the dread. That kind of spirit is what I wish I had. Suddenly, everything started turning brighter. "I-I know, I just feel bad about what I've been doing, it must be really hard to handle it." I turned away and looked down at the floor in misery. If Jonathan doesn't remember this it's fine, we don't have to bring it up all the time he deserves better. "Oh your father and I really appreciate your concern. It's OK let's not think about it too much. Go rest."

I forced a smile on my face and nodded. "Alright mom." Was all I could say after that. Despite everything that's happened, we were all still in good terms. Which blossomed a slight joy in the my heart.

"Oh dear I got to check the bags! Make sure we don't leave anything behind tomorrow!" Mom walked away in a hurry, now I was left all alone. For some reason I felt lonelier than usual. However, I was grateful for mom's frantic reminder, I should check on my stuff too just in case. I had already finished packing my stuff earlier this morning. From what I recall, everything should be in their place.

 ~~~

The clock was ticking. I woke up from its echoes in the living room. My tired self had fallen asleep on the couch for the past two hours. It was quiet, no voices and footsteps, I didn't see Pebbles anywhere. If he wasn't laying on the floor anymore, he was probably in the kitchen or outside if someone let him out. I'll check on him later. My guess is that all of our stuff is ready so now we have to get ready for tomorrow, they day we're leaving and returning home. It was quite dark at this hour, the rays of the sun were gone. The scenery outside was back to its usual color.

I didn't feel good about the quiet atmosphere, I've been sitting on the couch for a few minutes and no sign of Pebbles anywhere nor were his barks heard. So I decided to go outside and check.

Slowly turning the doorknob, I was greeted by a strong gush of wind. It was cold and I could feel the tingles of ice on my skin. Taking a few steps out into the open, I looked around and didn't see my dog anywhere. "Where could he be?" I circled the yard, observing the old sheds and corners. Still no sign of him anywhere. It was getting to a point where I decided to check the kitchen to see if he was there. Whenever Pebbles sees us or hears one's presence he'd start running so I knew he wasn't outside and what would he be doing anyway. He had to be in the house, unless he ran away which is something I didn't want to think of not at a time like this.

I shut the door behind me and there he was, staring at me and wagging his tail.

"Pebbles!" I cried as I ran to him and hugged my furry companion.

He was probably wondering why I was being so dramatic when he was here the whole time. Regardless, he still accepted the hug like how he would.

"I was so worried about you! You just disappeared like that!"

"Woof" Was his only response.

Suddenly I heard some yelling upstairs. My heart skipped a beat, did something happen? Before I started making a move upstairs I heard mom shouting which startled me a little. Than I saw her angrily walking down the stairs in fumes, I didn't dare to ask her what was wrong because the answer was obvious and she'd probably throw her anger at me. I just observed the scene, wondering where dad was because I didn't see him anywhere. Until mom came out of the kitchen and started yelling for dad to come out of the room. Which he didn't and that made mom stomp upstairs. Earlier mom was OK now she's the complete opposite. What could've possibly happened between mom and dad which resorted to this?

Following mom isn't such a good idea, the least I could do is eavesdrop without them noticing me. I slowly creeped my way upstairs. I heard dad's inaudible voice from the room. It was hard for me to hear what they were saying because mom's voice was super loud this time and her yells snapped my ear drums over and over again. Please don't tell me they're arguing, not at a time like this. I silently hoped in my heart. We were all having a great time together, it pains me knowing that this is the ending to one of our family times together. The more I think, the more I'm starting to blame myself for this, who knows maybe they were arguing because of me, I apologized to mom not too long ago. I stood there, trying not to move because it would only drive my emotions to do something that would get me caught for watching them.

Until I heard them mentioning me, my name.

"Lucinda's worrying is driving me to the point where I can't even-

"I just had a talk with her a few hours ago. She does repeat the same thing over and over again. What's your point?"

That was the last straw. My heart shattered into pieces, I could just imagine the pieces falling to the floor, scattered like glass shards. Was it me? Am I the root of their unhappiness this whole time? Letting out my feelings was a mistake? If I knew I would've kept my mouth shut, I was too honest with them. My bones were on the verge of breaking down too, it was like my ribcage was suffocating me now and my lungs were to trying to stretch up.

"Yeah like that's going to help me find my car keys."

Dad's last sentence hit the nail on the coffin. So I'm the cause of the lost car keys? Our only way home? With that I bolted down the stairs, I didn't care if my parents could hear me or not, they probably couldn't because of their yells.

Blood was pounding in my ears as I got outside and started dashing to somewhere that would keep me away from any close contact with my family. My mind brought me to a trail which led to other residences. I needed a break from all of this.

As I walked down the dirt trail, I noticed some families going about their activities. The further I got, I was alone. It seems I've been given the time to rethink my actions. But reflection time was not enough to lower the tensions building in so heading to the beach and looking out at the view was the only effective way.

I made a turn and took my time getting to the beach. It felt like an eternity, I don't want to come across my parents for now, the longer the better. I just needed some time alone.

 ~~~

Now I was face-to-face with the ocean in front of me. An adrenaline rushed through me, I felt the urge to confront it; The cause of me feeling this way. The waves surged to shore and carried debris with it. It was as though it understood my emotions and wanted me to come closer. So I did, I walked towards it and yearned for its comfort, I needed someone, something to confide to. I imagined the waves wanting me to embrace it with open arms although that was only a dream. Realizing where I was going to, I stopped in my tracks and stared wide-eyed at the sight in front of me. Only a few more steps and I would've tripped over the large branch in front of me.

The water level rose and the sky was dark. It was going to rain heavily, a few rain drops landed on my shoulder. An indication to go inside but I refused. I know it's dangerous for me to be out in the open during such weather conditions but I felt more comfortable here. So I'm going to stay until it starts pouring.

The boat at shore caught my attention it was the shelter I needed so I walked briskly to it and got on.

"Guys I don't think it's a good idea to get on the boat."

My own voice rang in my head, sending shivers down my spine. It was disturbing to think I got on the boat the very thing we sought to never do. Thoroughly emphasized as a forbidden act. I felt bad for betraying my two new friends. Regardless I pulled the torn sheets that I found over my head and closed my eyes.

 ~~~

Moments later I woke up to the sound of waves brushing the boat. Waves? I thought. Lifting up the sheets, I got up and to my horror. I was at sea, far away from shore. What's even more disturbing was that this clearly wasn't a dream, I could feel, hear and see everything. And what I saw, the shore, a miniscule sight in my view. The sky had become darker now, I couldn't see the shape of the clouds anymore or the birds that used to fly up. The waves were so strong that I almost lost my balance and fell into the chilling dark water below me. My worst fear would be if they toppled the boat over.

Which was soon to happen. The realization of having to swim all the way from here back to shore hit me. Will I ever see my family again? Impossible as it sounds, I wasn't the best swimmer but who knows maybe the water wasn't as deep as it seems but that assumption was definitely a lie. As I looked at the water below me from the boat, I could feel it's grip on me, trying to pull me down into the dark abyss.

That's when I looked up and sat cross-legged on the boat, trying to think of a solution. I'm not sure how long has it been since my boat somehow got washed away from land to sea, the waves must have been really strong. My answer arrived with more raindrops falling from the sky. I grabbed the sides of the boat and looked at the beach again, I couldn't tell if my parents were there. I can just imagine them screaming my name. Had someone seen me and did they call for help? The boat didn't seem so sturdy, with the strong currents I'm not sure if it can hold me any longer, it was rocking side-to-side vigorously, fighting for it's life to stay afloat. The air around me was getting thin, my lungs could not breathe in any longer. I stayed in the same position, feeling my head spinning. I didn't know what to do, usually I was able to come up with something but this situation was beyond anything I've experienced, at least for anyone. Sadly for me, this was my greatest fear up close and I was facing it, alone.

Suddenly a strong force plunged the boat, knocking it over. While that was happening, I saw a flash of lighting before my eyes as I gripped onto the side of the boat and fell. There I was falling into the abyss, the blue ambience swallowing me as I fell deeper and deeper.

My legs tried to kick myself up, but the current I created faded away in just a second. It was no use. I couldn't scream, it felt like there was something wrapping around my chest. This was the feeling of drowning. Not even tears could well up in my eyes, as a matter a fact, I was already drowning in my own tears. Tears that were the form of something that always hunted my esteem down. I saw schools of small silver fish swimming towards me. When they came into close contact with me they ducked and strode away. It made me feel relieved for a while knowing there were other forms of life here until I realized I was all by myself again.

That was until I saw something beneath me. Something big, like a shadow rising from the depths of the dark. I swam up and smelled the fresh air again before falling back into the water, unable to keep myself afloat. The current was too strong and the water was incredibly deep. I was meet with the same strange presence below me, passing by as if there was nothing in its way.

 W-what was that? Did it see me?

I have no clue if the creature was dangerous or not that was the last thing I wanted to know, my boat was now drifting away from me and I desperately needed help. It all made sense, the fish were swimming away in a panic not only because of the change in weather conditions but possibly whatever was down there. Only they knew what it was and the more I think of it the more I wanted to get safely back to shore. This sea creature was so big, it was still passing by like a ship. My heart was racing, I tried to signal my joints and muscles to put a break on my fall but it wasn't very effective. However the adrenaline of fear made me force myself up. I sprang to the surface and coughed out water. I let out a cry for help, it got inaudible as time went by.

Now I was completely helpless there's no way anyone can hear me all the way here, I even tried swimming closer. I kicked my legs in the water, anxious too the big sea creature was still down there, I didn't want to catch its attention. So this is what it's like to face your fear of the unknown and finally meet it on such a fateful day. My heart yearned for someone to come save me from these ruthless waves.