Superhero of the United Juzes of Kasakhia

The strange, if not crazy, idea of jumping out of an airliner over Jokyo Nar-Tai was immediately considered very risky. Escaping from the crew, he threw himself on all fours, ducking into a round hole in some compartment that at first glance looked very much like a toilet.

The door slammed behind him with a dull thud, and he paused, listening. Inside this strange little place it was unusually dark - an outrageous thing for a modern airliner flying the expensive Lickbon - Gene-York route - and cramped, which was becoming the norm.

The smell of disinfectant mixed with a sour aroma, similar to sauerkraut. Nar-Tai leaned his back against the cold wall, trying to calm his trembling hands. He tried to find the button to turn on the light, but it seemed that such a simple thing for homes was already a luxury on the deck of an airliner.

Feeling stupid in the cramped, poorly lit compartment, Nar-Tai began to wonder how long he could hold out in this hole before he was finally found.

For a moment he allowed himself the crazy thought that the airliner's crew had mistaken his maneuver for an attack of "bear disease" - they wouldn't distract him from relieving himself of his natural needs, would they? Well, a man wanted to go to the toilet, they wouldn't put handcuffs on him for it!

At that moment he heard footsteps outside. His legs instantly felt like lead. What if it wasn't the cleaning lady who decided to change the toilet paper, but someone from the crew who decided to check if the "hare" was hiding in such a secluded place?

Nar-Tai, at this anxious moment, did not even think about the fact that toilet paper is not used on airliners, preferring the invention of an ancient Flench inventor with a difficult to pronounce name and an even less difficult to pronounce explanation of the principle of operation.

There was only one thing that mattered: the steps were getting closer and closer, and Nar-Tai closed his eyes, imagining what the morning news would say: "We will pursue the hares everywhere. In an airliner - in an airliner. So, you'll have to excuse me, if we catch them in the toilet, we'll arrest them in the toilet, too, in the end. That's it, the matter is finally closed."

At that moment, he decided that panicking wasn't the best plan, and, swallowing, he quietly opened the door, hoping that the sound wouldn't give him away. However, the familiar voice of the flight attendant made him slam the door shut immediately.

"Hey, you little hen-hearted hare!" the girl addressed him in an angry voice. "If you don't come out in ten seconds, all your paws will be Thorn off and your tail will be shoved up your ass!"

Nar-Tai barely restrained himself from growling in frustration. The happiness of being the star of the news under the headline "Arrested in The Toilet" was clearly not what he had been striving for all his life up to this point! Without wasting any time, he abruptly threw open the door and rushed out.

The light blinded him, and at the same moment he collided with two burly young men who clearly had not expected such a turn of events. One of them looked at him with bewilderment, and the other was already reaching for the radio hanging on his belt, but Nar-Tai, without thinking, rushed past them, making his way through the narrow passage between the seats. The passengers, who until that moment were immersed in their phones, stared at him in surprise.

Without wasting a second, he jumped up on a chair to go around several people, and suddenly felt like he was in a super action movie - as if in slow motion, he saw how one of the stewards, seeing him, rushed after him.

Nar-Tai, not wanting to fall into the clutches of the law like the last sucker, rushed to the exit, accidentally knocking down a passenger on the way, who, not having time to realize what was happening, jumped up from his seat and tried to detain a suspicious young man with Asian features, dressed in a red short-sleeved shirt and stereotypical The Omen Ican jeans.

As you may have guessed, this is what Nar-Tai himself looked like. At that moment, his mighty heart was pounding furiously, and adrenaline was boiling madly in his heated blood. Without slowing down, he noticed the bright lights of the emergency exit.

It flashed through his mind that this was his chance, which it would be a sin not to take advantage of. Without thinking about the consequences, Nar-Tai rushed towards the exit, almost crashing into the steward, who seemed to be in shock from the lightning-fast movements of the "hare".

"Stop!" the steward shouted, but his shout only spurred Nar-Tai on.

Suppressing the urge to punch the unwanted subject in the gut, he walked around the steward and ducked into the aisle, hearing the clatter of the crew behind him. Turning around, he saw his old "friend" rushing toward him, his face contorted with anger.

"To hell with you, get your face punched!" he said quietly, punching his tireless pursuer in the face.

When the steward fell at the feet of his partner, who was much less agile, Nar-Tai had already managed to fly like a bird past several more rows.

The passengers, seeing the eccentric behavior of the Asian in the red shirt, turned their heads in his direction in bewilderment, but there were no people willing to join the chase - apparently, his dishonest trick with the bream contributed to this.

Although, as we know, "the end justifies the means", so Nar-Tai didn't give a damn whether any of the crew members would suffer or not. At least, he didn't give a damn at that particular moment - he preferred not to think about the future for now.

No, of course, if he lands in the clutches of the cops, then of course they'll stick him with a charge of not only flying without a ticket, but also causing damage to the crew members, but the whole catch is that only complete suckers come across them, and Nar-Tai has never considered himself one of these antipodes of mammoths in his entire thirty-nine-year life.

Anyway, he successfully reached the desired door, but what a bummer! - it was locked!!! Nar-Tai ran into it with his shoulder, trying to knock it down with the force of his muscles, but all his attempts were doomed to failure, since the airline of the glorious The Omen Ican city Gene-York did not spare money on good materials for their airliner.

Frankly speaking, the airliner itself was so-so, average shitty, so to speak. No wonder, because it was in the middle price category and everything in its iron guts gave off the last century - plastic panels, seats with worn armrests and, on top of everything, a terrible toilet that smelled like sauerkraut.

The latter, apparently, the airliner crew learned to ignore, but for Nar-Tai, who spent several seconds filled with fear and adrenaline in this "wonderful" place, it was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

He was already cursing the moment when, sitting in a cozy hotel in the Pornuguese capital, he decided to book a ticket for this particular flight, instead of just boarding an old and smoking steam locomotive, which, despite having a bunch of obvious shortcomings in our time, had one significant advantage - its route ran through the countries of the Union of Indestructible Nations, including his native land - the United Juzes of Kasakhia.

Yes, the steam locomotive was cheaper and went in the right direction, but the very fact that in such a Nar-Tai he would have to inhale stinking coal smoke into his lungs and endure the vile jolting on uneven rails gave him goosebumps.

But now, sitting in this mid-priced airliner, whose toilet stank of sauerkraut, Nar-Tai realized with bitterness that even that would have been better than suffering in a confined space at an altitude of hundreds of thousands of meters, surrounded by frightened passengers and stewards who seemed ready to arrest him for his mere illegal presence within the walls of this place.

His head was filled with thoughts of how he had dreamed of flying as a child, of how great it was to glide above the clouds and be free as a bird. Who would have thought that these naive, rosy dreams of a small child would be destroyed by such an absurd combination, in which he would be destined to be the "hare", surrounded on all sides by the chain dogs of the law!

But, on the other hand, he asked for it himself. Even the very fact that he chose a plane of not the highest, but the middle category, followed from one simple reason: such a plane CAN be boarded without a ticket, because the crews of such airliners were, by and large, recruited from thick-headed cretins who can be easily fooled, hiding where they usually do not stick their curious noses.

Ah, what a shame that in his haste he forgot his watch at the Lickbon Hotel - if he had known the exact time, he would not have stuck his nose out of his hiding place until the moment when the airliner would fly over his native Alma-Thou!

But, alas, at the moment when he was already catching a taxi at the exit of the hotel, fate cruelly played a joke on him, insidiously whispering to him that at an altitude of hundreds of thousands of meters he would not need the watch, and therefore he should not try to return for it to the room already occupied by another guest in order to take it from the table.

The only winner in this situation was a certain Delia York, a young lady who seemed to have taken his room on a first-come, first-served basis. She must have been delighted, the toothy bitch, when she saw an elegant watch on his dressing table, made in the style of the eighteenth century and inlaid with precious stones - which ones exactly, Nar-Tai had already forgotten, but he definitely remembered that it cost a fortune, because it was, after all, a gift from his faithful friend David Norton, aka Moon Dave, the famous retired commander of the elite "Wildcat" unit!

In any case, he had wasted his watch, he hadn't gone back for it, and that was why, when, having successfully passed security at the airport and illegally boarded the airliner flying the Lickbon-Gene-York route, he had been caught like a complete asshole, having stuck his nose out of his hiding place half an hour earlier than he should have.

It would seem that thirty minutes is such a short time, but even for such thick-headed cretins as the crew of this airliner stinking of sauerkraut, this time was more than enough to immediately notice the cute Asian in the red shirt as a despicable "hare" and immediately begin pursuit in the style of the best traditions of the famous Soviet cartoon "Well, Just You Wait!" (an analogue of which, by the way, exists even in such a rotten country as The Omen Ica).

But the plan was as simple as pie! Sit in a hiding place, wait for a certain amount of time and quietly get out of this hospitable jalopy. Nar-Tai didn't take a parachute with him, but even if there weren't any on board the airliner, he wouldn't risk anything at all, since his superhero body had an amazing ability to survive in the most extreme conditions.

How many times had he risked his life in the Propaganda mines, walking in the thick of poisonous gases and laughing at the collapse of rock, remaining alive not only thanks to his luck and unpredictable reflexes, but also to his steel skin and platinum bones!

Of course, this didn't mean that Nar-Tai was a robot - and besides, a robot, no matter how super-strong, would inevitably get smashed to pieces if it fell from the height of an airliner. No, in his case, everything was much more complicated.

Nar-Tai was a man with unique abilities, endowed not only with excellent health, but also with a whole set of extraordinary qualities that he did not always display in ordinary life, but in such extraordinary situations as this, his inner superhero made itself known like never before!

His body could instantly adapt to any circumstances imaginable in human life, and his intuition worked at a level beyond that of an ordinary person, allowing Nar-Tai to quickly analyze situations and find the best way out.

And of course, his body had an innate resistance to injury - he could withstand blows that would knock out a normal person. His skin, oddly enough, was actually a kind of armor, although at first glance it looked like any other person's.

The platinum bones were only figuratively so - no metal could be detected in Nar-Tai's body on an X-ray, just like in any other Homo sapiens. But they were incredibly durable, allowing him to survive even the most dangerous falls and collisions.

All this, however, did not mean that he was elusive to the law. Yes, it would have cost him nothing to just jump out of a plane without a parachute and, having flown a huge distance, land on both feet, like superheroes from The Omen Ican comics.

He had no limits in this regard, and he could not be careful in such cases, because a fall from a height could not result in serious injury for his body. However, despite his amazing abilities, Nar-Tai understood perfectly well that for every cunning ass there is always a bolt.

In his case, the role of the bolt on Nar-Tai's ass was played by none other than His Majesty the Law with all its representatives, who, as a rule, were not distinguished by either insight or flexibility of thought, but it cost them nothing to easily latch on to anyone who looked suspicious.

Even the slightest problems with the law can turn a person's life into hell, and for him, a superhero, there were no exceptions, because modern jurisdiction is written for all citizens, without dividing them into "ordinary" and "super" people.

Yes, he, Nar-Tai, doesn't care about falling from a height, but he can easily be put behind bars for daring to cheat The Omen Ican airline by riding on their flying tub that stinks of sauerkraut without a ticket.

Even thinking about it was funny for Nar-Tai: all these seemingly serious guys would arrest him for "illegal use of airspace", and they would also interrogate him, asking questions that he didn't even know how to answer.

"Why did you illegally board the airliner?" they would probably ask him, and he would only shrug his shoulders and say: "What business is it of yours? You wanted to and you got in, mind your own business!"

Yes, Nar-Tai thought, all these cops and court officials saw in him was a simple stowaway who had not paid for the pleasure of legally crossing the Lickbon - Gene-York route on the sauerkraut-smelling deck of a mid-priced airliner.

And who would have thought that his innocent attempt to fly for no good reason would turn into a real circus for him, where instead of clowns and magicians there would be judges and lawyers, and instead of a trained elephant - Nar-Tai himself in person?!

He imagined the painfully obvious - for the principles (I'm not talking about the details) of legal proceedings have not changed one iota since the times of Ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia - questions like "Have you ever thought that you could just buy a ticket like a normal person?" would be heard in the courtroom, where the prosecutor would point out his deviant behavior to everyone present with a reproachful look.

Nar-Tai couldn't help but chuckle as he imagined the judge, with a perpetual discontent on his face, exchanging glances with his secretary, who, bent over the papers, was taking notes with a sad expression, as if he were writing a report on the end of the world.

"Well, if I had known that my story could end exactly like this, maybe I would have boarded the train without thinking twice," Nar-Tai thought, imagining on the go how the prosecutor, waving a pointer, would say with pathos: "So, dear colleagues, before us stands a man who, it seems, considers himself above the law!" and in response to this remark, a laugh would be heard in the hall, and one of the guards, standing at the post by the door, would wink at his neighbor with an ironic grin.

"A superhero, no doubt," someone from the audience would add. And then a wave of ridicule would rise. "How could he dare to commit such a daring crime!" someone else would chime in.

Biting his lip, Nar-Tai tried to imagine what it would be like to be the center of discussion, or rather, condemnation. "And what exactly is my fault?" was what he wanted to say at a moment like this, but he knew that his excuses would be ignored, but instead would be recorded in the court record as baseless "blah-blah-blah."

His imagination had already drawn a whole scene of his defense by some blinkered lawyer, who would try to explain with a serious look that Nar-Tai was not just a stowaway, but a "superhero with unique abilities," and therefore the behavior of such a subject should be turned a blind eye.

The judge will probably rubber-stamp the verdict, thinking that this is all a lie, and that Nar-Tai is in fact just another sly macaw from the market, who is trying to fool the respectable public with his "superpowers" in order to try to justify his irresponsible behavior.

Nar-Tai imagined how a lawyer, waving papers, would try to convey to the court his ideas that he - Nar-Tai, of course, and not a lawyer - was a victim of a system that itself did not understand its own uniqueness.

"Your Excellency," this cunning serpent will begin with obsequiousness, "let me remind you that my client is not a simple stowaway, but a superhero with unique abilities, and his actions were dictated by necessity, not malicious intent!"

The judge, as is customary in such cases, will simply dismiss all arguments, declaring that "a superhero is just a health condition that does not provide for departure from the legal zone."

Pouting, he continues, "It doesn't matter how unique you are, the law is the same for everyone, whether you're an ordinary citizen or a so-called superhero. Your ability to survive any physical injury doesn't make you above the law."

The lawyer will, of course, try to object: "Your Honor, we must consider the context! My client did not commit this act out of malice, but out of a desire for freedom and self-expression!" The judge will then counterattack by declaring that "Freedom is a word that is often used to justify violations.

How convenient! Let us remember that one person's freedom ends where another's begins. Do you really think that your desire to fly without a ticket is more important than the law? And who, my dear soul, asked you to fly without a ticket?" he will snap with the arrogance characteristic of all judges. "Did you really think that your abilities would justify breaking the law? You are like a child who decides that the rules are not for him!"

Nar-Tai thought about what a ridiculous thing this judicial jurisdiction was. What in primitive society was solved in two ways - either by hitting a stone on the skull, or by simple words like "go for a walk, John", in the modern world has mutated into a terrible monster, entangled in a whole web of norms and rules, written in codes and laws.

The complexity of the procedures, the lawyers, the experts, the court hearings - all this seemed to Nar-Tai much more frightening than the simple, like a matchbox, boy-Antichrists and the people-eating dogs with birds. He wondered whether modern jurisprudence, in the pursuit of its efficiency, had lost its basic principles and original goal - the pursuit of justice?

Be that as it may, the fact that the exit was blocked only increased his despair. He knew that he was on board an airliner that had long since risen to an altitude of ten thousand meters, and his chances of getting out of this iron vessel were becoming increasingly slim. He crouched down, listening to his heart, which was pounding wildly in his chest.

"Okay, calm down," he said to himself mentally. "I can do it! I can do anything!"

He suddenly remembered watching action movies about parachutists jumping from heights as a child. The idea came to him like lightning: "What if I do the same? And as a superhero, I don't need a parachute at all!"

Images of daring stunts and bold jumps began to spin in his head. His heart began to beat faster - he was ready for this. Nar-Tai quickly assessed the situation. The nearest exit was the porthole, which, of course, was dangerous to keep open at such a height, but in his case, there was no time to think about possible victims - the main thing was to save his ass!

Rising from his knees, Nar-Tai ran to the nearest porthole, looking around to make sure that none of the ship's crew had spotted him in this section yet. "There will be no tomorrow," he thought, and concentrated all the power of his fist on the porthole.

The next second the glass shattered into pieces, but the sharp shards were no obstacle for him. Much more difficult was the air flow that rushed into the cabin like a wild animal, knocking him off his feet and causing some difficulty in breathing air.

The wind whistled furiously in the cabin, and Nar-Tai felt his hair and clothes fluttering in its current, like flags on the towers. He fought the onslaught of the elements, but at the same time he felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins. Gathering all his strength and without looking back, he jumped through the glassless opening of the porthole.

The fall took hold of him completely; his whole body felt the rapid downward fall, and during this entire action he flew with his eyes closed - not because such a spectacle was something that had become boring to him, but simply because he did not like it when the wind blew directly into his eyes.