Echoes of Sorrow

It didn't take me long to notice Wanda was slipping into one of her depressed episodes. However, I couldn't figure out the cause.

After returning from another one of our visits to Clint's family, who were basically also our family at this point, I noticed the first symptom: Wanda refused to cook dinner with me. It might seem as a small thing to someone who did not know the little witch, but if you knew her the way I did, it raised concerns.

Thinking back to our trip to the Bartons, nothing unusual came to mind. She had helped Laura take care of the animals, told Cooper stories about Sokovia, braided Lila's hair and used her magic to play with Nathaniel. She had laughed and smiled most of the time and we had talked about the future and what it might hold for us.

With no incidents happening during our visit, I found it challenging to pinpoint any specific triggers for Wanda's distress.

I tried talking to her but she did her very best to wave away my worries with a smile, saying she was just fine and that she just needed to catch up with some sleep.

I couldn't shake the worry that nestled in the pit of my stomach.

The second symptom was a scream in my face that the love of my life was not doing okay. She was in fact doing really, really bad.

I had prepared a movie date night for just the two of us. The Dick van Dyke show was ready to play, Wanda's favorite, the salty popcorn was in a in a special Disney bucket and 2 glasses of red wine were standing on the table. I was sitting on the sofa, our favorite purple blanket ready to take the two of us to the land of coziness. All that was missing was Wanda, who I had called not too long ago.

I heard her footsteps approaching and got excited, hoping she would be happy with this surprise. Maybe this would be just what she needed to cheer up a bit. But my hope vanished into thin air as soon as I saw her face.

Her eyes were thick and red, it was clear she had been shedding tears again. I had caught her crying multiple times the last couple of days but had left her in the illusion that I didn't know about it. She was barefooted, was wearing an oversized pajama and… the scarf that she had been wearing in Sokovia. I hadn't seen it in years, but the deep red was just the same as I remembered. She was clutching it against her body as if her life depended on it.

I redirected my attention to these beautiful green eyes that were filled with pain and sadness.

"Hi sweetie, I thought maybe you wanted to watch some sitcoms with me and do a movie date night?"

I patted the empty seat next to me and gave her the sweetest smile.

Wanda looked at me, and for a moment it seemed as if she was going to walk towards me. But then she shook her head and I could hear the sob go through the room as she turned around and disappeared into our bedroom once more.

I should have let her go but my instinct took over and I went after her. How could I not. She was the love of my life and she was hurting. Every fiber of my being wanted to take her into my arms and pull her close.

But as I reached our bedroom door, it was closed. I tried the doorknob and was genuinely surprised to find it locked.

"Wanda?" I call out.

"Wanda, sweetie, please let me in… Please let me help… Please…"

I pressed my back against the door and slowly slid down until I was sitting on the floor. I couldn't recall the last time I had felt this helpless. Sure I could knock down the door and barge in, but that would not help anyone. I'd probably get thrown out of the room faster than I could enter it and it would also shatter the trust we had carefully build over the years.

My dear Wanda was really not doing okay.

The third symptom was the one that finally gave it away to the other team members.

Even though technically I was the one who intervened on her behalf in this instance.

Wanda had already stopped going to training sessions some time ago, but I had covered for her saying that she was feeling sick.

I had just approached Fury to inform him that Wanda was unfit for duty, and so was I. Leaving her behind in this state wasn't an option I could bear. I simply couldn't abandon her.

Fury had simply nodded and told me he would inform the other team members of this information and to let him know when we would be fit for action again.

Now I was standing in the communal kitchen, the plan was to collect some leftovers from yesterday's dinner in an attempt to get Wanda to eat something. I was grabbing a second plate when I heard someone walking in. Based on the heaviness of the steps and the amount of time it took them to get to me it had to be Steve.

"Hi there Nat." His warm voice confirmed my suspicious.

"Sup Rogers." I put the plate down on the counter. Something gave me the feeling that it wasn't a coincidence that Steve was in the same room as I was.

"So, I haven't really seen much of you lately. How are things going?"

I looked him straight in the eyes and crossed my arms in front of me, making sure my body language wasn't very welcoming.

"Cut the crap Steve. If you have something to say, just say it." My voice sounded hostile, and Steve seemed genuinely taken aback by it. I did consider him to be one of my best friends, but right now all my cares were with Wanda. I had barely slept the last couple of days, I had barely eaten and I was utterly exhausted. Wanda seemed to be slipping away further every day and nothing I did was getting her back, or even seemed to stop the fall. I was terrified, and the only way I knew how to deal with my emotions was the way the Red Room taught me: to push everyone around me away.

"Natasha, you should have talked to us. I understand you want to cover for Wanda, but doing so is dangerous. She's not only like family to us, she's also an important team member. What would have happened if there was an emergency and we needed her on the Quinjet? Don't you realize how dangerous it would have been if we would have needed her and she would not have been available? How many lives could have been at stake? How many…"

I cut him off before he could finish, grabbing the empty plate and hurling it across the room. It shattered into pieces against the wall. "Fuck you, Rogers! You talk about family, but all you ever focus on are these damn missions! Have you even stopped to consider it's her life that's on the line right now?!"

I grabbed the one plate that's still filled with food and stormed out of the kitchen. As I exited the room, I passed Tony, who opened his mouth but wisely closed it again as he saw my face.

Arriving at our quarters I took a couple of deep breaths to recollect myself before I opened the door. The room was dark, the way it had been the last couple of days, but it felt as if something was missing. It took me a couple of moments to realize that Wanda was not lying in bed. I carefully placed the plate on the desk and called out for my sweetheart. That's when I heard it, a soft sobbing sound coming from next to the bed. I ran towards it without thinking and what I saw absolutely ripped me to shreds.

Wanda was lying on the ground next to the bed, with one hand clutching her red scarf against her stomach as if it was a life preserver. Her other hand was holding a silver knife so tightly that her knuckles were white. I wasn't sure what she planned to do with it but I was aware of her history of self harm so my first mission was to get that as far away from her as possible.

I carefully took a few steps towards her. "Wanda, can you hear me?"

Her eyes had the dangerous red color but upon hearing my voice, a familiar shine appeared inside them.

Seeing this motivated me to keep going. "It's me, Natasha. I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you moya dorogoya. I'm here to help you."

When I was close enough to touch her, I hesitated. I wasn't sure which reaction touching her would create so I decided to play it on safe for now. I sank through my legs so I was sitting next to her on the floor.

"I'm here, Wands... Remember that night? You were outside in the pouring rain, struggling to control your powers after a nightmare. You begged me to stay away, terrified of hurting me. But I reminded you of your promise when you joined the Avengers, that you would never hurt me again. And you didn't hurt me that night, Wanda. You've never hurt me. Now, I won't let you hurt yourself. I'm taking away the knife, I'm keeping you safe. I'm going to protect you, Wanda, even from yourself."

Slowly, I placed my hand over hers. I could feel her tense, but nothing happened. With care, I wrenched her hand open and took the knife from her grasp. As quickly as possible, I threw it to the other side of the room, uncaring of its destination, as long as it was far away from my Wanda.

I scooped her into my arms and pulled her onto my lap. Gently, I rocked her back and forth as she cried into my embrace, her sobs echoing softly in the quiet room. I could feel the weight of her sorrows, the tremble of her body against mine, as if each tear carried the weight of a thousand burdens.

'Talk to me, darling… What's causing you this much pain?'

Wanda cried out, her voice raw with anguish, 'I can't tell you.'

'You can trust me, moya lyubov,' I murmur, my heart aching at her distress. Memories of our shared moments flooded my mind, moments of laughter and love now overshadowed by the depth of her sorrow.

Wanda started to cry even harder, her hiccups breaking between each word.

'I. Can't. Tell. You.'

In that moment, I felt a surge of helplessness, a desperate longing to ease her pain. But all I could do is hold her tighter, hoping that my presence alone can offer some solace in her darkest hour.

That's when realization hits me like a wave crashing against the shore. It's not that Wanda doesn't want to tell me; it's that the pain is too consuming, too suffocating for her to articulate. It's as if the weight of her anguish has rendered her voiceless, trapped in a prison of her own suffering.

"Show me," I implored, my voice barely above a whisper.

Her eyes widened with fear, and she shook her head frantically, a silent plea for me to drop the subject.

"I trust you, Wanda," I said softly, reaching out to gently grasp her trembling hands. "Show me."

In the tense silence that followed, I could see the struggle within her, the battle between her desire to shield me from her pain and her need for solace. Each second feels like an eternity as I waited for her decision, the air heavy with unspoken words and shared vulnerability.

I rested my forehead against hers, feeling the warmth of her skin against mine, and focused on my breathing, willing it to steady in the hope that she would follow suit. It doesn't take long before I sensed her presence melting with mine, a comforting weight against my soul. With a conscious effort, I eased the barriers of my mind, inviting her into the depths of my being.

And there she was.

Wanda Maximoff became an extension of myself, our consciousness intertwined in a delicate dance of shared experience and mutual understanding. In this moment, it's as if we were one and the same, two souls tethered by an unbreakable bond, walking the same path yet occupying separate bodies.

She took my hand, her touch both familiar and foreign, and together we traverse a corridor lined with endless doors. With each step, I wondered how many more memories lie beyond each threshold, how many layers of her existence remained unexplored.

Finally, she paused before a door, her movements deliberate and cautious. With a silent exchange of acknowledgment, she gently pushed it open, and together we stepped into the sanctuary of the Scarlet Witch's memories.

I'm seeing the world through Wanda's eyes, and it doesn't take me long to realize that I'm in a cell.

 "Wanda? Wanda?!" I hear Pietro's voice from the cell next to mine.

"Wanda did they hurt you?! What did they do to you?! I swear if they've touched you I'm going to kill them!" A shiver runs down my spine as I recall the men and their vile actions.

"N-no Pietro." My Sokovian accent sounds thick, likely due to the pain and exhaustion I'm experiencing.

"They took me for some experiments, just like they said they would." They did. They experimented on me, using tubes and needles that inflicted unbearable pain. But that pain was nothing compared to what came next.

You have some fun with her. That's what the guy with the monocle had said. And before I knew it, three men had dragged me out of the room by my hair and into an empty cell. They tied my wrists, and pulled my dress up, and the pain down there was excruciating...

No, stop. Stop thinking about it. It's the past, and dwelling on it won't change anything, Maximoff. Think about what Mom used to say: Even in the toughest times, we can find joy in each new day. I have to focus on the days ahead. They will make me better, stronger. This is just the price I have to pay.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Even if Pietro can't see my face, he can still detect the strain in my voice. I have to do better.

"Yes, I'm just exhausted from this first day. I need to get some sleep. So should you before it's your turn. Goodnight."

I lay down on the hard bed, but after a few minutes of trying to sleep, I feel something warm and sticky dripping down my legs. My hands tremble as I reach down to feel, and I have to hold back a sob when they come back up covered in red. I grab my red scarf from below my pillow and clutch it against my stomach as if it was my life preserver.

I am not stupid. I have realized a long time ago that I have stopped getting my monthly bleedings. It shouldn't surprise me, considering the amount of abuse I have endured from the soldiers. The realization settles heavily in my mind, a silent acknowledgment of the horrors I have faced.

I place both of my hands on my stomach, feeling the slight curve beneath my touch. Am I imagining the growth of my stomach, or is it actually there? The uncertainty gnaws at me, mingling with a tumult of conflicting emotions. Should I feel excited at the prospect of new life, or scared of the unknown that lay ahead?

I don't know. It is as if all I can feel is numb, a protective shield against the overwhelming tide of emotions threatening to consume me. Each day is a battle to navigate the uncertain terrain of my reality, to find a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that surrounds me.

"Witch!!" The voice of the guards echoes down the hallway, jolting me into action. Quickly, I drop my grey dress over my stomach, concealing the evidence of my condition. I turn to face my abusers, steeling myself for whatever punishment awaits.

The gate swings open with a grating screech, and the man's face contorts with fury as he strides towards me. He doesn't bother with words; instead, he grabs me by my hair, yanking me forward with brutal force. I stumble, unable to maintain my balance, and crash to my knees on the unforgiving concrete floor.

Pain shoots through me as my skin scrapes against the rough surface, leaving trails of blood in its wake. Tears well up in my eyes, mingling with the blood and dirt that now stain my cheeks. In that moment, I feel the full weight of my vulnerability, a prisoner at the mercy of my captors, with no reprieve in sight.

The guard continues on his path until we reach the room where the experiments are held. Inside, I see Pietro being tied to tubes and machines, his struggles against the restraints futile. The man with the monocle stands nearby, a wave of fear and hatred washing over me at the sight of him.

"You see, Pietro, here's the deal," the man says with a chilling calmness. "If you manage to get the serum to start working, you'll be capable of saving your sister. If not… Well, then you'll just have to watch her get beaten up."

"No!" Pietro yells, his voice filled with anguish as he fights against his chains, but to no avail.

In that moment, a sense of dread grips me as I realize the cruel fate that awaits us.

My eyes flutter open, catching glimpses of passing lights above as I'm dragged back to my prison. A trail of blood marks my path, following me into the cell. With a brutal shove, I'm thrown inside, crashing against the hard floor. My head smacks against the ground, sending a jolt of pain through me.

Too exhausted to move, I lie there, feeling defeated and drained. A fresh wave of pain washes over my stomach, threatening to make me scream. Desperate to muffle any sound, I grab my pillow and sink my teeth into it, biting down hard as I endure the agony in silence.

As the pain intensifies in my abdomen, I clutch my stomach, feeling a sharp, unbearable sensation rip through me. With each wave of agony, I can sense something is terribly wrong.

In a moment of sheer horror, I feel something warm and wet seep between my legs. Panic grips me as I realizes what's happening. With trembling hands, I reach down, feeling the gush of blood stain my clothes.

A surge of grief overwhelms me as I understand the truth. Tears blur my vision as I realize I'm losing the baby, the precious life growing inside me for the past few months.

The pain, both physical and emotional, leaves me breathless. In this agonizing moment, I know my dreams of motherhood are shattered. The realization settles like a heavy weight on my heart, a silent acceptance of the cruel fate that awaits me.

With the last power I have, I reach for my red scarf and clutch it against my stomach as if it was my life preserver.

I blinked a few times, struggling to comprehend my surroundings. Wanda laid in my arms, her sniffles a stark contrast to the tears that had stained her cheeks moments before.

Taking a deep breath, I allowed myself to fully absorb the harrowing memories I had just witnessed through Wanda's eyes. Anger surged within me at the injustice she had endured.

Those pieces of shit, I thought bitterly, my fists clenching at my sides as I vowed to stand by Wanda's side and fight against those who had caused her such pain.

"I'm going to kill them!" I seethed, unable to conceal the raw hatred in my voice.

"I think you already did," Wanda responded softly, a hint of a smile in her words. My heart leaps at the sound of it, the warmth of her presence soothing the anger within me.

"Oh, my love…" I drew Wanda closer, craving her proximity more than ever. I held her tightly, as if afraid to let her slip away. In response, she melted into me, her arms clutching at my back as if afraid to let go, her nose pressed against my throat, seeking solace, and her body pressed against mine, seeking refuge. Together, we found comfort in each other's embrace, a sanctuary amidst the chaos.

"I'm here Wanda… I'm never letting you go."

I'm not sure how long we sat like this, it could have been minutes or hours, but suddenly I could hear her take a deep breath. It's the sound I had been waiting for, the sound of her coming back to me.

She pulled back just the slightest and looked up at me with tears filled eyes.

"When we were at Clint's and you were talking about our future and how it might involve a child of our own…" I trailed off, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was the one who had triggered Wanda's depression episode.

Guilt must have been written all over my face because Wanda tenderly pressed her hand against my cheek. "No, my love, it's not your fault. You didn't know. Part of me suppressed the memory so badly, I didn't want to remember the pain I felt that day. But when you spoke of a future and how that could maybe involve a mini us, I immediately assumed you wanted me to try… And I can't… And…" Her voice faltered as fresh tears welled in her eyes, cascading down onto my t-shirt.

Instinctively, I reached for her hand, turning it over and pressing a gentle kiss to the inside. In that moment, I silently vowed to be her anchor, her support, through whatever trials lay ahead.

"No, my love… No. Maybe someday, if we're up for it, we can explore adoption and give a little girl a chance at a better life. And if we're not ready, that's perfectly okay too. Perhaps we'll get a dog instead. We'll take each day as it comes, embracing whatever the future holds. But what I do know is that I want to spend every moment of it with you, my love. You mean everything to me, and I will never doubt that. You mean everything to me and I will always be here to pick you up when you fall. And if there's anyone who understands the pain you're going through right now, it's me. You're not going through this alone moya dorogoya. I promise."

I pulled Wanda closer - enveloping her in my embrace, and we sat there together, finding solace in each other's presence, just being together.

Because that was enough.

When life gets too heavy

I'll take the weight if you let me

Baby, it's okay to lose control

'Cause life can get messy

Sometimes a little unsteady

You don't have to do it on your own