Is That A Bear

*Ana*

"Nicoli?" I ask, finishing the last button on Nicoli's spare nightgown before stepping out from behind the changing screen. 

"Where are you?" I call out again, taking another tentative step into the plush carpet, before scanning the room.

It's practically transformed from what I remember. All his toys are gone, replaced with shelves full of books. Making it appear a room of someone much older and refined. There is even a globe in the spot where the clown doll used to be. 

"Over here," A voice pipes up from the last corner, and I turn my gaze to find him already looking after me from the bookshelf.

 "You…" Nicoli's eyes fall on the shawl still on my head, and his lips purse before transferring the books to his hands.

"Come over here, Ana," Nicoli beckons as he makes his way over to his king-sized bed, dropping the books over the velvet comforter before hopping on. "Come. Look at this," Nicoli goes again, moving to sit crossed leg on top, before waving a hand for me to follow.

"What's this?" I ask making way to stop at the foot of the bed and peer down to try to read some of the titles. 

"Pfft, Ana." Nicoli rolls his eyes. "What are you doing?" 

"What am I?" I start up with a blink, not understanding. "Did I do something?"

"Don't be a dolt," Nicoli reaches to wrap his fingers around my wrists before pulling me forward. "Come up here." 

"You…oh," That's what he meant, of course. "Ah, right." I go, quickly hiding my slight confusion, as I crawl and take a seat beside him before he opens one up to a certain page, waiting for me to lean in and take a look.

"It's…bears?" I look up from the illustration to note the rest of the books, reading their titles to find they are similar. "All of them, they are all books…about bears?" I ask before I notice something much more intensely. 

It's Nicoli. I realize I can smell him even better now, thanks to sitting so close to him, in a small space. That's…weird. The smell makes my head lightly spin before I feel my heart flutter strangely, but already shoo it off as Nicoli starts up.

"The book's full of them."Nicoli meanwhile, goes, completely absorbed in flipping through the pages with purpose, stopping on one to point down.

"This one here's a sloth bear." Nicoli points and then he turns to another page, as if remembering each one by number. "And then this over here is a sun bear." Nicoli goes on, licking his fingertips to leave the next few pages before landing on the next one.

"Oh, and this is-" Whatever bear it seems to have Nicoli up, tossing the book aside, to start crawling over the bed.

"Nicoli?" I ask as he seems to start manhandling one of the wooden bedposts. "Nicoli, what are you…?" My eyes widen as he does it.

Nicoli unscrews the bedpost to drop back on the bed, before moving his arm deep inside the empty tunnel. Moving his hand inside and going deeper up until his shoulder, before breaking into a delighted smile with all his teeth.

"Ha, there it is." Nicoli flashes his sapphire eyes with quick relief before he starts pulling his shoulder back out to reveal something small in his hand.

"Nicoli?" I can only watch as he turns to crawl back beside me, holding the hand close to his chest protectively, before taking a breath and looking back at me.

"Ana, here." Nicoli goes before uncurling his fingers to hold the hand up, revealing his hidden treasure. 

"That's my…." I drop my jaw before my eyes widen at the sight of the blue silk ribbon still tied to the bear. And for a moment I am at a loss for words before I slowly turn to find him just waiting with a prideful smile. 

"You…kept it?" I ask bewildered.

Nicoli just puffs a laugh.

"Of course I did." Nicoli gives me a roll of his sapphire eyes as if that is just a very silly thing to ask before he leans forward on his knees to reach back and pull the tossed book back to his lap.

"And this is like what you gave me." Nicoli flips the book back to the page before dropping his finger on the illustration. "It's a brown bear." He goes, full of confidence. "See? Just like it" 

"A Brown…" I mumble, looking down, blinking after the illustration."So it does," I voice out before I can't help myself. I fall over, covering my face in shame.

"Ana?" Nicoli turns stunned for a moment before quickly dropping the book in a panic."Ana, what did…I don't understand?" Nicoli leans in, trying to get me to look up. "Please, no." Nicoli tries to pry my fingers away. "No, Ana! Don't cry, Ana! I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?" I can't help but lift my face to look at him, incredulous. "It's me who should be sorry. I should have written you. I shouldn't have waited so long…" And I cover my face again just for the hot tears to start spilling out. 

"No, don't! Don't you dare!" Nicoli urges, jumping up to his knees so he can better wrap his small arms around me, pulling me tight to his chest. 

"Nicoli, I-" I hiccup, trying to wiggle away, not wanting, no, I don't deserve this comfort. "I caused you so much pain." I sob back, trying but failing to push back at his arms, finding them surprisingly strong as they hold onto me desperately.

"No, you didn't!" Nicoli cries back, squeezing me even closer, pushing his chest so close to mine that I can feel his heart pulse, pumping just as fast as mine.

"Nicoli?" I venture at last, gingerly lifting my hand, dropping my hands to peer up as he moves to sit back enough to look down at me. 

"You're not a bad sister." Nicoli goes, moving to brush a curl out of my face, before rubbing his thumb on my cheek to dry a tear. "I wouldn't want anyone but you to be my sister."

"Nicoli," I shift at that, feeling something catch in my throat but Nicoli just laughs, lowering his arms to better tap my nose with his finger.

"I've been waiting this whole time for you." Nicoli goes, "And now you're here. I'm not letting you tell me any different. Understood?" Nicoli folds his arms to look after me.

"I…" I close my mouth and just nod.

"Good. Glad we agree." Nicoli smiles as if that was the right answer. "Now, swear it." Nicoli turns lifting and holding his pinky out to me.

"Promise…?" I blink, looking after his finger held out to me before it registers what he's doing. "A…pinky promise?" 

"Yeah." Nicoli returns simply, "So, come on." He urges.

"But I…" I open my mouth to speak, but my words die on my lips under Nicoli's gaze. 

"I…okay." I nod, slowly moving. "I…I swear." I go, curling my finger over his, and shaking it once, twice, and three times with him before he pulls back. A satisfied grin stretched onto his face.

"There, the contract sealed." Nicoli beams after me. "From now on, promise me something." Nicoli goes before firming his voice."YOU. HAVE. TO. WRITE. BACK." 

"I…that's what you…?" I stop as I see Nicoli nod solemnly before meeting my eyes again.

"Regardless of what happens." Nicoli holds a finger." You gotta, okay?" He keeps his eyes on me before starting to wiggle his eyebrows up and down. "Okay?"

"Nicoli, be serious." I can't help but laugh.

"I am serious!" Nicoli protests, jumping to stand over me. "Whatever you think- you don't get to stop. You still need to write to me." Nicoli moves to take up a strand of hair to lightly yank. "You got it?"

"I, yes, yes." I move, trying to pull my hair back from him, but now realize, quite a bit of it is outside the shawl. Now finding more silver around me than I'm used to.

The silver is striking in my peripheral, I realize. I'm so used to it being concealed in the red shawl.

But Nicoli seems fine with it. I note, seeing him reach to take another strand to stroke it gently. It's odd…to see anyone treated like that. I linger on his fingers, just stroking it, before, at last shifting to pull the strand away.

"Okay. I will." I answer instead. "I will write to you."

"Good." Nicoli smiles, pleased by the affirmation, and moves to plop back down. "Then, now that we made a promise," Nicoli goes, pulling the book back to his lap. 

"Back to more bears!" He declares, licking his fingers again to flip through the pages, beginning to list new bears.

What… is this feeling? It takes me a moment to notice the warmth coming from within that seems to be happening the longer I go listening to Nicoli until I finally realize what it is.

Happiness. I remember. This is happiness. True happiness and contentment from being around someone again. 

Like back when Maddie was still alive. I remember now. How could I forget what this was like today

"Ow," I whimper softly as the pain shouts up from my stomach, making me clench my claws into the velvet comforter.

"And that one here-" Nicoli, meanwhile, goes on, motioning to another bear. He must not have noticed.

I don't want to ruin this. I suck in a bit of air, trying to breathe it out and lean in to hopefully focus on the page instead.

But this only starts new problems as I become aware of Nicoli's scent again. And the smell is oddly sweeter, making me grow a little dizzy with each toke as if making my very bones weaker. In the end, making me lean in against him.

"Ana?" Nicoli pops up, noticing, and I instantly feel regretful, not wanting to bother him and try to get up.

"I'm sorry, I-" I feel dizzy. The words are still on my tongue before I feel him move and rest his head over the top of mine.

"Nicoli?" I squeak, not expecting this, but it isn't long before the smell is back in my nose, it seems to grow even stronger now, and I can't get away. The source comes strongest around Nicoli's collar. 

This new smell…My eyes shudder, as if mixed with sleep and drowsy, before my head drops further, curling into the source, before taking a good drag of the smell in.

This smells so…

"Why are you sniffing me?"

"Nicoli, I…" Is he upset? Did I do something weird? My breath hitches before I glance up at him, worried that I might have just messed something up again. 

"Nicoli, I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Ana?" Nicoli leans in, his sapphire eyes watching me tenderly. "What's going -"

"I…" I swallow, just deciding to be truthful. "I was.., you smell nice."

"Huh?" Nicoli leans back, surprised. "I do?" 

 I find myself nodding.

"You do," 

"What do I smell like?" 

"I…" I pause, trying to think of a good description, "It… smells like you." I go, at last, thinking that the simplest answer. 

"Ah, I must smell very good then." Nicoli beams nodding to himself before looking back at me for a long moment. "I'm… glad you're back." Nicoli goes at last, pulling me closer, a slight shake in his arms as he looks down at the pages, before swallowing. 

"Because…for a moment, I really thought that I should…"Nicoli's voice grows quiet as his fingers land over the illustration of the bear. "That I was going to stop…" His voice drifts off again. 

"Nicoli?" I ask. "What were you…?" 

"No, never mind." He waves it off, before pulling his smile back up, turning to the book, a slight wet shine in his eyes, "Ha, anyway." He quickly moves to wipe them with the side of his sleeve before turning back to the book.

"Next, the Kohala bear," Nicoli flips the next page, listing facts about the bear, happy and content, before moving to take my hand to weave his fingers into mine and keep them there for the rest of the night.