Birthday Girl

*Ana*

Why is she having such a hard time understanding this? That is all I can think of as I once again have to repeat myself.

"No, we never celebrated my birthday."There was going to be no party. No celebration. No feast.

 If anything, today was just another day—one no different from the last or the next.

But where I think I've been pretty straightforward, it only seems to set Hidi off again. She blinks at me, hands clenching and unclenching before finally speaking.

"I… don't understand."

She glances around the room as if searching for an answer that will make sense of this. Naska and Bruno are here, quietly listening. Naska barely looks up from the fire she's stoking, though the sharp flick of her gaze tells me she's paying attention. Bruno, in contrast, offers a small smile, clearly happy to see me. 

Naska, however, does narrow her eyes at Hidi. Likely still stinging from the conversation earlier. But as long as it stays at only glaring, I'll take it as an improvement.

Hidi, meanwhile, oblivious or unconcerned by her, leans in—her thick braid slips over her shoulder.

"Never?" she repeats like she's testing me. "Like, they don't celebrate your birthday? At all?"

I shake my head.

"No, we don't celebrate."

She stares, widening her eyes as the realization sets in. "You aren't joking, are you?"

"I've never celebrated my birthday once in Nochten," I confirm. Not in all the years I've been here. There has never been a single time.

It isn't as though celebrations don't exist here. My Aunt and Uncle have theirs. Mykhol—well, Mykhol's parties are grand. Many go out of their way to attend. I've noticed. But I have no interest in that. I never have.

Mykhol is the one who likes parties. Not me.

I rub the edge of my shawl between my fingers and push the thought aside.

"No. I'm not," I say at last.

Hidi straightens. "But they're putting so much effort into the coronation," she sounds baffled. She gestures around the room. "I would have thought they would—"

"I've never had any parties of my own," I interrupt. "It's just not how we do things. It's not a big deal."

Hidi freezes. Her lips part like she wants to argue, but she hesitates. Finally, she lifts her hand, then lowers it with a quiet exhale.

"Ana, it is a big deal. You're Empress. It should be a holiday." She drops her jaw before snapping it closed. "Back in Almony, my birthday lasts an entire week of festivities."

"An entire week?"

Hidi nods. Then, again, her mouth tightens to form a frown.

"You really don't see a problem with this? That they don't celebrate?"

"A problem?" The thought almost makes me laugh. Who has time to worry about birthdays? I barely have time to myself between my studies and court. Most years, the day passes before I even realize it.

"Not really."

Hidi exhales, slow and disbelieving.

"Wow."

She suddenly gets up, and for a moment, I expect her to pace or storm to the window. But instead, she marches straight to my couch and throws her arms around me.

"Hidi? What are you—" I squeak as I find myself crushed in her vice-like grip.

"You poor thing," she muses, shock clear in her voice. She plops her chin on top of my head, completely dislodging my headdress.

I scramble to keep it from falling. "Hidi!" But she only tuts and squeezes me tighter.

"It really is that bad here." She mutters under her breath. "Not just your court…your very own subjects…" Her voice dwindles into silence. 

For a brief moment, the crackling fire fills the space between us.

It was strange to see her so quiet for such a long time. I have to remark. I don't think I've ever seen her this still before. Her eyes are unfocused as she seems to be thinking of something else.

Her fingers drum soft pats over her knee.

"Your cousin seems to hold himself quite well in court." Hidi's remarks at last. Something shadows her peridot eyes before she creaks back onto the sofa. 

"They seem quick to listen when he speaks."

The flinch is unconscious.

She noticed that. But just as quickly, I swallow. "I've noticed…they do seem to favor him."

"Favor?" Hidi scuffs. "And you are fine with that?"

"Fine with–what do you mean?"

"Perhaps it's nothing." She waved a hand, growing thoughtful again."Because he does seem to be on your side, look how quickly he smoothed things over regarding my support for you, turning the room in your favor." Hidi tapped her fingers again.

"That's a good thing, I suppose. But still–" Her tongue clicks against her blunt teeth. Another moment of silence.

I leaned forward. "But still what, Hidi?" 

"You don't see him as a threat?"

The question has me tense.

"A threat?" Mykhol? My cousin? Would he–

But just as quickly, the gold chains clicked with a wag of my head. "No, Hidi. Mykhol isn't a threat. He's family." I could see why she would think that, though—considering everyone at court's behavior and how they respond to him.

"They do favor him, yes. But that's because he is the first male in line to the throne. And besides, he does–"

"Look the part, you mean." Hidi pointed to her hair knowingly. 

My hands clenched my tunic, but I kept my voice steady.

"It's not their fault. Nochten loves their tradition." And it would be natural for them to gravitate toward him over me. "But it just means I have to continue to prove myself worthy of my–"

"But Your Empress. Isn't that good enough?" 

Hidi lifts her hand to admire her rings. Each finger was decorated in thick gold bands, smooth and polished to a high shine like the gems. Each is heavy and large.

"I would never prove a damn thing. I am a queen. And I rule as I see fit." Hidi leans back to clasp her hands. "It is your birthright. You are your mother's daughter, are you not? Mixed or otherwise. No, that makes you double royal. You sit between two thrones. Nochten and Dawny."

"Hidi, that's–" My throat clenches down a hard gulp, but my head is already moving. Shaking in refusal.

"Nochten is more than enough for me."

"For you? Maybe. But what about them?" Hidi glanced to the hall–not subtly referring to those outside, my subjects. "You think your cousin needs to prove himself to them?" 

Her peridot eyes seemed to glow.

"Do you think that's fair?" she asks, her voice sharp as if challenging me to respond.

But what it is... I start to speak but then close my mouth again. I can't seem to find the words to argue because, deep down, I know she's right.

They wouldn't.

They'd accept him without a thought. But not me. Because I'm not full-blooded, my silver hair cannot lie.

My fingers pinch at my shawl, rubbing the rough stitching as she watches me—her lips purse. 

After a moment, she gives in with a sigh.

"Very well, if you insist that Lord Mykhol is not a threat. I will not think he is, either. Though as soon as you do–" Hidi made a slicing motion with her finger and her neck. A wet sound drills from her lips.

"Just let me know, and I have the sword for it." She winks.

My brows shoot up for a pause before I realize she is joking. 

My lips puff a short, breathy laugh.

"No, Hidi!" Gods! My nose wrinkles as I laugh again. "That's too extreme." How could she casually offer to kill my cousin? "And besides, he would never betray me."

She rolled her eyes but smiled easily. As if offering to murder someone was casual enough. 

"Still, though, I wish you would have given me better warning." She didn't mince words. "I've never seen a court like it. How the hell have you been managing with that?"

"Not very well," I note quietly but exhale, lifting my head.

"However, that has more to do with my lack of backing. But with you now announcing your court support, others will follow. It's going to be much easier to gain more now."

 With Hidi backing me publicly, it's the perfect opportunity to prove my merit. "Those who have remained neutral will join our side soon. Or at least consider it more severely." 

I can have more rapport in court. It's hard not to grow hopeful at the prospect. Maybe even one day, I'll have everyone's support, and then– 

"Oh, that," Hidi reclined back in her chair, waving a hand dismissively.

"It's nothing. We are friends after all. And soon family."

 I pull up at the word."Family?" 

"Oh, never mind. I consider you a sister already." She trills her fingers into the air with a wink. "A cute baby sister."

Cute? The words sound too strange to hear, let alone have anyone describe me with. But then, this is Hidi. The very same person who barged into my room once and insisted on braiding my hair. 

I confess with a laugh. "You are strange," 

"No, I'm hungry." Hidi blurts, stretching up. Her arms almost touch the ceiling, but not entirely before she draws back with a smack of her mouth.

"I could eat a horse."

"Ah, of course, Giants are renowned for their appetite," I toned, remembering something I had read. "Then, let's send out for more coffee and-" 

Hidi tuts, pushing out her lips in an exaggerated pout. "No, I want cake."

"Cake?" I fumble at the specific request. Hidi insists with another bob of her head.

"If there is no celebration, the least we could do is have cake." She returns before narrowing her eyes after me. "Though I still don't understand why you are fine with that. But this is YOUR kingdom, not mine."

"I said it's fine, Hidi." And it is. But she rolls her eyes after me again. Not believing me.

I guess it must be quite the deal to her. 

But it's only another day for me. I'm turning for Naska.

Naska rolls her eyes as she pushes herself off the stand. Brushing ash from her muslin tunic. Her expression matches the annoyance in her tone as she straightens. "Didn't you just eat? 

"Naska," I sit up. "It does not matter if we did or not. Go to the kitchen and bring cake and coffee."

"Naska throws a not-so-hidden glance at Hidi. "Talk about a fatass–"

"Naska," My voice warns, telling her not to argue, and to my relief, she listens. But not before scuffing something vulgar under her breath. Fortunately, giants don't hear like we do. 

But I do, and my frown says I heard her. This makes her groan.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." She leaves for the door as Bruno moves to follow her. 

"Mama, wait," His little feet push up to rush towards her side. "I want to go-"

But she wags a finger.

"Oy, no. You stay." She lifts her gaze to us, then back. Speaking something in the glance.

He understands but still fidgets. "But-"

Burgundy eyes flick to us. I smile at him, which seems to ease his strange anxiety, but when he sees Hidi, it's gone. He quickly snaps his head back to Naska.

"Mama, I don't want to stay by the big lady-"

"Stop whining," Naska snaps, losing her temper. She then pauses to make an odd gesture to her ears. "You know what you need to do. So be a good boy and stay."

 Bruno sinks. "I, yes, mama," He lowers his head and shuffles to the far side of the room. 

"Bruno?" I motioned for him to take a spot by my side, but to my surprise, Bruno stayed. His head down. Immediately scooting to tuck himself into a corner. 

What is wrong? Bruno never acts like this.

"Bruno?" I call again, but he stays put, as she left.

Hidi observes the whole scene with slight interest. She yawns and stretches before placing a leg on the coffee table.

"Hidi, that—" Don't put your leg on the table. But the words stick in my throat, my shock pressing them back down.

Then, another thought strikes me, and I seize on it. "By the way, how did you even know it was my birthday?"

"Nicoli, of course."

The answer is quick and clear. But it lands anything but lightly.

"Nicoli told you?" The words leave me before I can think.

"We write—well, I write." Hidi pouts, tilting her hands to inspect the many rings adorning her fingers. She spins one absently as though the answer should be obvious. "He just sends short answers, mostly. Until recently—"

She glances up at me then, and there's something in her smile. A curl of amusement that reaches her eyes.

"But we write to each other, ja."

You two write to each other? The words don't leave my lips this time, but they press against them, tight and unwelcome.

Something shifts over my chest—an odd, heavy pressure that wasn't there before. I rub the small concave space between my collarbones as though smoothing out a wrinkle I can't see. It feels tender. 

How strange.

"When do you think he'll come?" Hidi continues, oblivious to the strange, twisting feeling in my ribs.

Soon, I hope. I tell myself that's all this is—impatience—eagerness to see him.

"Sometime soon, I hope," I say aloud. "I did invite them both."

"I know." Hidi chuckles. "He told me."

Ah.

I shift my weight, crossing my arms loosely over my middle. That odd pressure flares again—just a little, just enough to notice.

"Don't you write to him?"

"Yes, but not as much as I'd like." My hands find each other, fingers fidgeting at my sleeves. "In truth, aside from court—between the gown, the coronation, and everything happening in Pave—I just haven't had the time." Guilt creeps into my tone.

Hidi hums thoughtfully, but her lips tip downward into a frown. The rings on her fingers, which she had been idly turning moments ago, still.

"That makes sense now." Her voice lacks its usual mirth.

She exhales through her nose, something sharp flickering over her face—her brow tightens just slightly, her jaw clenching before she speaks again.

"No wonder he's been asking me so many questions."

"Questions?"

She doesn't answer right away. Her fingers curl over her knee, gripping the fabric of her skirt before she forces them to relax.

"Ja, he was using me like some middleman."

There's something off in her tone—not quite bitter, but something close. Her gaze flickers downward as if considering the words herself, but then—just as quickly—her shoulders loosen. She smooths a hand over her lap and straightens her posture.

I blink. "Middleman?"

She doesn't meet my eyes this time, instead letting out a light, dismissive scoff.

"Well, it doesn't matter." Her usual brightness returns—too quickly. She chirps the words as she reaches over and pats my leg, her palm warm and heavy over my knee.

"He'll be here soon. You two can catch up."

And just like that, the moment is gone. Whatever had crossed her mind—whatever had flickered across her face—is buried beneath a grin.

"And then," she adds, flashing her teeth, "I'll have him the rest of the time."

"Of course," I return just as quickly, though something still nags at me.

I shift in my seat, my fingers pressing idly against my wrist as I mull over the conversation. That strange feeling persists, lingering somewhere in my chest—a weight I can't quite name.

It's not like it's strange for nobles to write to each other. It's what they do. And we were all friends, weren't we?

Perhaps I was just imagining things.

I exhale and push the thought aside. It's nothing.

Or it should be.