31 DID IT!

Adam's POV

A month later...

I can't believe how quickly the days are passing. So much has happened in such a short amount of time.

I've started healing, bit by bit. I've made progress. I don't have nightmares of my brother screaming at me anymore. I guess I'm finally starting to convince myself that it wasn't all my fault.

So Julian was right after all. It makes me happy to think that my brother is still with me, in spirit at least.

I've made a friend—Carl.

Actually, he feels more like a brother to me. He pushes me to go out, which has been a good distraction.

They've gotten me into the habit of going to clubs every Friday. Now, we talk about everything—he tells me his problems, and I offer advice when I can.

They come over a lot, and Carl has a fantastic hotel. He offered me a job as a director, but I told him I'd think about it.

And then there's my sweetheart.

Oh, by the way, his sister got married a week ago. I was invited to the wedding, so I went. It was beautiful, though Julian was mad because he wanted to plan the wedding but wasn't in the company, so… that didn't happen.

Before that, though, I have some good news. Three weeks ago, Julian and I decided we wanted to marry each other. But neither of us was into the idea of a big, dramatic wedding with all the fuss and attention.

So, we've been processing our marriage certificate at the clerk's office, and it should be ready soon. It feels like we're already married, in a way.

We told his family, and they haven't had a problem with anything as long as Julian's well-being is guaranteed. They've been great to me, and I like them all.

Lately, I've been feeling happy, even though sometimes everything that happened in the past comes rushing back.

It's not like before, when I was constantly weighed down by guilt. Ever since I met Julian, my mind has started to feel more... diverse, like I can finally see beyond my past.

●● Another thing—Julian's been acting really weird lately. It's embarrassing to say, and he'll probably kill me when he finds out I told you guys, but that's fine. I'm sure this is his friend Ryan's doing. He is a big influence on Julian.

Anyway, it's not that he's weird in a bad way. It's just... there was this one time when he asked me if I knew gay sex existed. That question threw me off guard.

I wondered why he'd ask me like that. Was he expecting me to do something about it? And maybe I didn't… Well, of course I knew it existed—why would he think I didn't?

Anyway, he's been pushing further every time we make out. He won't stop after we, you know, cum. It's like he's looking for something more.

It takes everything in me to stop myself from letting go. I have to control myself, to stop myself from, well… doing it with him.

I know he wants to, but I don't want him to feel pressured because of what Ryan told him. I want Julian to want it because he wants it, not because someone else suggested it.

That's not the only reason I'm holding back. I'm also afraid that it might not feel like what he expects. After all, I'm a 26-year-old virgin. Maybe he should be the one to take charge since he's more experienced—although not with guys, of course.

There are so many 'what ifs' running through my head, preventing me from giving him what he wants.

Speaking of him... where did he go?

°

"Okay! I'm tired of using sign language because you don't seem to get it, so I'm just going to say it! I want to do it!"

Speak of the devil... he walks in through the front door, looking unusually serious. Where did he go without telling me? Maybe he didn't want to wake me up. Lately, I'm so used to sleeping in the afternoons.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asks when I don't immediately respond.

"No, what was that again?" I pretend, hoping to stall.

"Forget it!" He tosses his backpack onto the couch and heads for the stairs. I grab his hand and pull him back.

Seriously… he does this every time he comes back from going out—there's always some drama. But today, he seems serious.

"C'mon, what is it, baby?" I ask, trying to calm him.

"Don't 'baby' me right now when you know I'm mad!" He snaps. "Let me ask you one question, Adam, and don't you dare lie to me. Am I that unattractive to yo__?!"

"Wha—?" I cut him off, surprised at the sudden turn of the conversation.

He cuts me off, too. "Let me finish! How come you never have the desire to sleep with me? We live under the same roof, sleep in the same bed. I've shown you so many times that I really want you, you know… that way! But you always brush me off. I know you know I want it, but you keep ignoring it. So tell me, Adam—am I unattractive, or are you just not gay?"

"I... wha... no—"

"Speak up, Adam!" He presses.

"None of the above," I say quickly, hoping that clears things up.

"Oh, I see. Maybe you're just the type who thinks s*x before marriage is a sin?" He rolls his eyes, frustration evident. "Well, good news. I went for our marriage certificate today. It's ready. I've got it in my backpack. Check it out. And there's more in the bag—stuff we'll need for when you're finally ready, even if it's years from now."

What?! I never imagined it would come to this. This is so embarrassing. Now he thinks of me as a naive 26-year-old! Well, if that's the case… don't blame me for what's going to happen next because I think the thread just loosened.

○●

Warning! The scene ahead might be... you know.. but not that much of it_

○●

I capture his lips with mine unconsciously , walking him to the couch and on the way I take off his t shirt, and mine too , I kiss him on the neck , chest and lick his nipples which make him shudder , I must say.. I've really improved so much in this , haven't I?

I pull down his sweat pant and takes it off and so do I, I push him on the couch and he lies on his back , I take off his boxers , actually we've already seen each other totally necked , we've played all the games that could be played in bed by lovers except for real s*x .

Julian let's out a sharp and loud sigh when I kiss and lick down his thighs, I got to know his weakness so.. why not tease him a little bit . My erection is throbbing in my boxers and am not sure how long I can keep it in there .

I take of my boxers too and lie back on top of him. " You are wrong when you say am not attracted to you ? I really want you so bad all the time that I have to fight myself to not loose it , I just want you to be sure that you are ready to do it , so Do you really want this ? " I ask breathing heavily and barely letting out any voice .

" I want you " he answers whispering too, I could feel his heart pound against my chest and mine is no better.

I lift my upper body and sit on him still grinding us , I take the bag he came with which had dropped down by now , I open it and find the papers he had said but my interest is not there now , I deep my hand deeper and feel a bottle like , so I take it out , and again I deep my hand back and find a box of CDs.

" We don't have to use that if you don't want , and if you trust me . I know I slept around many times but I always made sure am safe , so if you trust me you can leave it because I real wanna feel you for you ." He says which evokes emotions in me , he wanna feel me and not some bladder or something.

" As you wish my love , I mean , even if you are sick won't it be better if we die together, I don't care Julian." I say opening the bottle of lube and apply on myself, and also on his anticipating pink pretty a*hole .

Slowly and bit by bit I let myself in , though it was a long journey I arrived after all , and though there were barriers in that journey it's totally worth struggling because all I could feel is pleasure rupturing in me after making it to the destination , and I could tell that Julian feels it too because of the s*xy sounds we both couldn't control.