chapter 3- an impossible quest

After my last adventure and my realization of politics. I have embarked on my next journey to meet a scholar and after some research I reached the door of a great scholar and after a few exchanges of words and sharing my intent, I presented my question. He asked me to meet with a scholar who lives around the world. When I meant around the world, I mean he keeps traveling and never stays in one place at all. After a few months of searching, I finally found where he is currently staying. I instantly packed my bags and got on the next flight to his location. I reached his door steps and knocked on his door and to my surprise the scholar was a lady and it was surprise not because of the reason you think but her name was a foreign one and I thought it could be a guy. She offered me some hot beverage and said that she was informed that I would be coming but she never asked her informant why. In a calm voice I asked her my question- In this huge far world of ours, we have yet to discover the true nature and reason for our existence. What do you think it is? she thought for a while and smiled and said- I won't give you the answer but I will guide you. In order to answer your question, you need to first answer a simple question. What is completely free of cost in your life? When you will find the answer to this question you can move forward in the right path. I embarked on the journey to find the answer to another question. It has been two years since I am searching for something that is free and now, I am in the verge of giving up. I understood a lot about life in these two years. This world we live in is not free, living is not free, dying is not free, family and friends are also not free. This has made me realize, how lucky I am to be alive. Many people end their life thinking that is a way out of all their problems but in reality, the cost of it is great on the people who loves them. I saw a young boy jump from a building because he was bullied in school and another girl ended her own life because her time was limited and she did not want to suffer and, in both instances, there were two things that was in common. One being that he family members suffered and second being people calling them names like stupid or idiot or even good that he or she died. As I saw these instances, I realized that this death is way different than the one in the hero's grave. Some people had empathy and others had poison in their head. But all of these people don't realize that it is hard to actually give up and one can never actually give up on anything but can only abandon their goals. In both these instances they abandoned their life but did not give up. Only if they had abandoned their problems, social need of acceptance or in other words, the need to look good to other people, I think most of the suicide rate will drop and the resources to help the people who actually need it will receive it. I have decided to meet with the scholar again to tell her how badly I have failed, but finding her won't be an easy task.