Chapter 19: The Aftermath

Our contract's complete. I'll see you again soon. A voice I never heard announced.

I felt like an immense weight on me slowly dissipated as my muddled vision slowly cleared some. Every centimeter of my body ached as my memories of everything that happened were fuzzy. However, what was worse was the taste of iron in my mouth—the very familiar taste of blood.

Part of me knew what had happened and what I had done from that alone.

Again… I…

This time differed from the last time I was fully possessed.

I let it happen, but was there any other way?

It didn't matter, as there was no excuse this time.

The curses hold on me… No… the beast within me is too hard to control.

Shivers ran down my spine as my memory was more intact than the last time I had lost control. Slowly, everything I did was clear to me. A sudden flash of nausea rose through my being as every memory that I pieced together made me feel off.

The only soothing touch was Alijah's arms, and I couldn't help but snuggle up against his warm chest. 

Ah… I found you.

His heartbeat was soothing to my soul, yet it didn't change what I had done to find him. The desire to empty my stomach grew, as it wouldn't be long until I did. However, something else was worrying me more than all the people I had slaughtered and partially devoured, which didn't allow me to enjoy the moment I found myself in.

With the broken pieces returning to me, I realized Alijah had seen everything. He knew what I was, or at least had an idea, while I had no clue how he would react after the initial shock. However, my ears were quickly flooded with all the voices of the dead around me.

They were finally out of my influence, allowing them to remark on my actions.

I had no choice! I had to save him! If it's your life, it costs, I'm sorry, but I had to!

Even though I tried to justify it to myself, it didn't change that I was nothing more than a rampaging beast in my wolf form. Luma's usually suffered from controlling the beast within them, but mine had a mind of its own.

"Rem?" Alijah called for me when I raised my hands to my ears to silence the voices.

It didn't work, though. It never did. This time, though, it was unbearable. Too many ghosts were around compared to the ones from the day I died. And I couldn't stop their comments from coming forward.

Killer.

How dare you do this to me?

You monster!

Harbinger of death!

How could you kill everyone? They were just innocent!

Their voices united in one front. They all pointed out the aberration I was. My thoughts were slowly becoming distorted as I couldn't connect with them. To me, these people were faceless; even though they were important to someone else, I couldn't feel what they wanted me to.

That was a luxury taken from me at birth.

No! I'm not a monster! I couldn't let Alijah suffer! If… you were in my place, you would've done everything to save the person you love! I would even sign my life away for him!

The ghosts bombarded me while I lost it. Even though I was guilty of their deaths, their words were meaningless. It wasn't like I could stop it. The curse within me made me lose myself to the feeling whenever I morphed, but that wasn't their fault either.

I was the one who unleashed the beast within me to find my beloved wolf. That wouldn't change even if I weren't fully there, but at the same time, no one was ever coming to save them.

Celestelia is known for its constant smugglers and slavers; perhaps death was, in many ways, a mercy for these people.

"Shut up!" I yelled, digging my fingernails into my ears.

If only I could rip them off and be deaf! Perhaps I wouldn't hear you anymore!

However, before I could…

"Rem, it's okay. Calm down," Alijah said, grabbing my face and dragging my gaze onto his.

You did all that for a man who doesn't even love you! How dare you! The otherworldly beings continued.

Ah… I can't… Even if…

Tears rolled down my eyes because the voices were so overwhelming. His voice was louder than the souls surrounding us but simultaneously the weakest.

"Please stop! I had no choice! I had no choice!" I cried, closing my eyes, wishing nothing more than to hide.

"Ah… Fuck," Alijah sighed, letting me go.

He gazed at Loren before standing up and heading towards her. Leaving me behind to deal with my demons, I felt like I was drowning in them.

"Well, aren't you in a pickle little bitch." He growled, kneeling beside the mauled peredhil as gurgles filled the surrounding air.

One would think he would've gotten his payback there, but instead of focusing on that, he searched for keys to open his cuffs in her pocket. After the metal binds that held him hit the floor, he returned to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands.

His touch was so warm that it left me wide open.

Why…

"Rem… free me for a moment," Alijah announced, meeting me on my level.

Unable to help it, I grabbed his arms with my shaking hands. They were bleeding along with my feet, thanks to all the running I did to get there. A raider shot me with an Iris syringe, thinking it would eventually stop me, but all it did was slow down my healing.

Iris was created by the deadly witch Stella, my great-grandmother, an alternative wolfsbane that was deadlier to Lycans. It was her vengeance to all Lycans for taking my grandmother from her. Luckily, because of the effects of the soul cairn and the fact that it was made with witchcraft and magic, I was somewhat immune to it.

It made my healing slower than usual, which was better than going rampant and dying soon after like normal Lycans.

"What?" I sobbed, holding onto him for dear life.

This wolf suddenly became the only life-saving vessel within the ocean of souls that threatened to drown me.

"Please, let me use the red moon for a few seconds." Alijah gently traced his thumb on my cheek.

"Okay… do what you want," I whispered, leaning into his touch.

He smiled, feeling the bond's grip fade as his power was finally unleashed.

"Good girl," the gentle wolf whispered, drawing me back into his embrace.

This time, though, his body glowed bright red, suppressing the magic flowing through me. The voices became muffled, allowing me to think clearly.

I grabbed onto him tighter because of it. Unlike Vera, my sister, I had too much Lycan in my blood to stabilize my magic by myself. I also had too much human to be a normal Lycan like my brothers.

Dad had done this once before when I started seeing the orbs, but it only worked when he or my brothers were around me. Their aura that canceled magic suppressed mine enough to ease me for the moment they were around me.

The only visible ghosts were the ones in the perimeter of Alijah's reach.

"I have felt nothing like this. So, I don't know how long I can hold it at bay or if it'll be effective. Tell me, is it working?" Alijah asked, allowing me to snuggle up to him.

"Thank you," I simpered, enjoying his warmth alone.

However, it wasn't long until I noticed a weird breeze hitting me where it shouldn't have. My eyes open wide upon realizing…

Oh… I'm… well… I'm naked!

A burning sensation rose on my cheeks as they wanted to fall off.

Wait… Alijah isn't making a big deal about it. So, why should I? That's right… I'm… not someone who interests you at all.

"Stupid girl," He sighed, locking me in place.

As everything settled down, I couldn't help but gaze at the peredhil who had tortured him. With my magic, I could see everything she did; there was no better payback than to let her suffer as she faded, yet it reminded me of everything I did.

"Alijah, kill… her if you want to," I mumbled, resting my forehead on his warm chest.

His arms were still around me while his tail curled around my waist. He placed his hand on the back of my head to secure me in place, and then he turned to face Loren. I wasn't sure if what happened to that half-elf was me or the beast within me, but I knew if I were in found mind, I would've ripped her throat out.

Because of you… this all happened because of you!

"Eh… I think you did plenty. Let her rot there." Alijah shrugged.

It was like he wanted to stay near me. Perhaps he was scared I would lose control and hurt him, which I would never allow. The only way that would happen was if I lost myself entirely in death's grip.

However, I had to concentrate on him alone, not to hurt him, or else he probably had been one of the many who died by my hand.

Life is so fragile, yet the only thing I care about right now is that I'm with you again. I really am…

A memory flowed through me as I struggled to control the anger that unleashed the trapped wolf within me.

"I… I didn't…" I trailed off, noticing blood on my hands.

What did I…

"You aren't right the head, Rem! Curse or not, this doesn't excuse you!" Vera yelled, turning away from me after I had shoved her to the floor.

My nails had scratched her arm, marking one of the many times we had clashed. However, this was the first time I drew blood, marking me as a danger to everyone around me.

Wincing back into the present, I slowly realized everything that had happened, including a slight misstep I had to correct.

"Alijah…" I mumbled.

"Hm?" he hummed, trailing his fingers down my matted hair as I closed my eyes.

I wasn't ready to give him free rein in his power, especially since he knew about me. My tail slowly curled around his, causing him to gaze down towards it.

"You can only use power on me and can't kill anyone," I corrected my previous slip.

It was a hypocritical command since I had just murdered people in my path, but he had to remain clean in this era.

For your freedom, you can't kill innocent, even if I… do.

He growled immediately after hearing that as the bond took effect.

"Oi… You little—" the grumpy wolf went to complain, only to be interrupted by me tugging away from his embrace, wishing nothing more than to avoid the shove I had come to expect from him.

However, instead of that, his cheeks went slightly pink when he saw my bare body as I pulled away.

Huh? Do you react like this every time? Or is it because it's unexpected?

I didn't have time to think thoroughly. Sadly, my stomach couldn't hold its contents any longer.

"I feel sick," I announced, feeling shivers run down my spine before dragging myself entirely away to expel my stomach contents onto the floor next to us.

It almost looked like I had vomited blood out, but what was worse was the flesh that was in it as well.

Is that a finger? Oh... By the gods... I'm a savage.

Though, what was worse was I felt no guilt for their deaths. I couldn't feel a thing for them if I didn't hear them. Their voices annoyed me because of how constant they were. Though I knew it wasn't good I had killed, I couldn't feel sad about their deaths.

I didn't know if it was part of the curse or because of who I was.

Vera, perhaps there is something wrong with me. Something I can't fix quickly, but maybe with Edna's death, I'll finally be free.

"Oi!" Alijah worried, placing his hand on my back. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head as my tail curled over my privates. A soft sigh left his lips as he peered to find anything to cover me. Luckily, he used a cloth nearby to cover my bare skin. However, I continued to puke until my stomach was empty, which left me gasping for air.

"It's okay, Rem. Let it all out." Alijah tried to comfort me, soothing my back once again.

After nothing else came out of me, my wolf slowly helped me into his arms as my battered feet couldn't handle my weight anymore. He picked me up immediately at the first sign of discomfort before placing me on a chair near some cages.

Most of the cages remained intact, and those who drew my attention weren't as lucky. However, everyone's eyes were on us as Alijah didn't care for the carnage I had brought into this cave. Not only had he laid waste to much more than I had, but his era was filled with war.

Violence doesn't affect you, but that's because you were exposed to it since you were a child, but I… I… I don't have that excuse.

Covering myself better with the cloth he gave me, I tried not to think too much about what happened. After all, I had no choice; it was either them or him, and I would never allow him to suffer his past again.

Some might see it as cruel, but I could only care for those I knew.

Family, friends, and Alijah…

However, something other than pure affection drove me to this black wolf. The thought of losing him was maddening to the point I'd trade lives even if it were wrong.

You're more precious to me than my family. Why is that? Don't get me wrong, I'd give anything for them, but I'd destroy anyone in my path for you, Alijah. Even if you end up hating me, I'd…

When he went to find some clothing for me, the ghosts returned, but a bit more tolerable than before. Luckily, he only took a few minutes to return to me, but it felt like an eternity. My body shuddered from exhaustion while my mind felt like it could shatter at any moment.

Sadly, everything had left me unstable, and seeing the wounds on his back from the whip used by that peredhil made me boil inside. His face still had the streaks of blood from her first assault on him. Luckily, it healed already, and his back was almost fully sealed.

In his hands were our bags and bandages for my aching limbs. Although we both had a pair of spare clothes, it would've been a waste to use them on our bloody bodies. That would have to wait until we found a place to bathe in,

My stomach was still sensitive, and I had to leave there. I went to stand up after Alijah helped me treat my wounds, only for him to take a few steps away from me.

I have to walk, but it hurts. Either way, I doubt…

I went to take a step only for the wolf before me to shift, triggering my eyes to widen as he laid on his belly for me to climb on him.

Really? I can…

My heart skipped a beat, and I reached out to him, only to stop when a prisoner within a cage moved.

Ah… We can't just go, can we? No… The right thing to do is…

"Hey… Did you find a key while you were looking around?" I asked, gazing towards the cages.

After all that carnage, the least I could do was let them go free.

"What?" Alijah mumbled, following my gaze.

Even though I didn't feel what I should for all the deaths I caused. I remembered Vera's words and had to balance the scales somehow.

Letting them free will be the first step towards that. After all, if I leave them like that, they'll stave to death.

"You know what I mean," I sighed, triggering his eyes to roll.

To him, they were better behind bars or dead. Noticing he wouldn't help, I struggled to walk towards where he had come from and away from him. He quickly shifted back into his humanoid form before grabbing onto my hand.

Suddenly, my wolf yanked me towards him as I lost my balance, only to be caught by him.

"What do you think you're doing? You don't know these people or owe them anything." He held onto me.

I pushed myself away, only to wince as stings arose in my palms.

"I can't leave them there either." I challenged. 

This was more for me than for him or them. It was the only way I knew how to help through my lack of remorse. After all, I'd do it again if I had to. My wolf's grip tightened, holding me to his chest.

"You don't need to save everyone, Rem," Alijah growled.

That isn't my intention.

I sighed. "Stupid wolf, I never wanted to save everyone, just you, and I already killed most of them. The least I could do is free the survivors."

"Hah, fine." He grumbled, letting me go before walking towards a dead male luma's body.

He took multiple keys from his pocket and went inside. A few cages survived; however, he opened one with a male Lycan and an elf.

"Here, release everyone else." He huffed at the moon elf, whose eyes shifted towards me.

Even though I stood away from them, they appeared wary of me—a normal response to something like me.

"Is that your wife?" He asked him, picking up the keys.

The elf's words resonated within me, triggering my heart to sting. The lie seemed still persistent—a blissful wish that would never come true.

I... will never be the grump's wife. That's only in my dreams.

"Yep, she's my wife, and we're leaving," Alijah announced, prompting my heart to flutter.

Why did you agree? I'm… not...

"Happy?" He huffed, crossing his arms.

I smiled, nodding my head. "Yes. Thank you."

However, before he could shift to make our getaway, the elf appeared to have found his freedom. How he picked the right key from all of those was beyond me.

"Wait!" He shouted, throwing the keys to the Lycan beside him before running towards us.

I turned to face him, bewildered at why he approached us, as the black wolf next to me growled, lowering his ears.

"I just wanted to thank you. Rem, was it?" The elf announced.

"I did nothing deserving of thanks," I answered, not wanting to face him.

The elf seemed too grateful for what I had done, yet he had lost no one and gained his life.

"You saved us. Of course, I have to thank you." The friendly elf pointed out.

However, that wasn't the case for the Lycan, who burst out of his cuffs before launching at me. Luckily, Alijah intercepted him by slamming the attacker into the ground in his wolf form.

"You! You're the fucking demon child that witch spawn! Because of you, my son is lost to me! There is no way I'll ever find him in this mess you've made!" the Lycan snarled from below the black wolf.

"Shut up!" Alijah growled as I stood there dumbfounded.

"What? I…" I mumbled, unable to remember every face I slaughtered on my way to Alijah.

Sadly, I couldn't control my blood lust when I was in my beast form. No, I was nothing but a monster while in it.

Was one of them your son? Or did I destroy any leads to find him? I…

It was a foolish plan to get captured on purpose with no way out. Then again, parents were desperate to protect their offspring. There were pits filled with bodies before I even arrived. There was no way to know if I was the cause of his pain or the escape, but it didn't change the fact that I wasn't innocent.

Alijah pressed his paw on the wolf's throat, silencing him.

"Say one more thing, and I'll crush your windpipe." He warned.

It was an empty one, though. He couldn't kill anyone unless I allowed him to. His body gave off a red hue, alerting me that his emotions to protect me were affecting the bond—something I couldn't allow.

Why would you genuinely want to protect me? Haven't you realized I'm a silver blood? Nothing makes… sense…

"Stop… Let's go." I ordered, not wanting to cause any more problems for anyone.

Alijah hesitantly let go of the Lycan before shifting his gaze towards me. It wasn't long until I was on his back before we both bolted out of the cavern and into the unknown that awaited us.