Chapter 5

Xams Perspective

I frowned tiredly as I looked at Xiyan's sudden message. I almost forgot about the mess I got myself into. If I had just left the room a bit earlier…

I sighed and decided to let go of all my regrets and instead, focus on how to function in the group.

It's not that I wanted to do it, I just felt sorry for her.

After giving her a reply, I left my phone on the desk and went to the balcony to refresh myself.

I stared at the pitch black sky with nothing but the stars to lit it up. A cold shiver went up my spine as I heard a sudden knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, barely a whisper.

The door flew open, but I refused to turn.

"You still haven't eaten," an old gentle voice said, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'm not hungry," I replied coldly.

Mrs. Yu, the head maid, didn't reply, but I could imagine the dissapointment in her face.

What's the point in eating if all I wanna do is die? Just a waste of food.

Since all her efforts were wasted, she left without a word.

But, as I expected, I saw a plate of food left on my desk. She always did that. No matter how stubborn I got.

We weren't related in any way, but she always took good care of me, especially after she died.

Beside the plate, there stood a frame which held the last solo pucture of her. My sister, who died innocently for my fucking family. Even until now, I still have no idea how it actully happened.

6 MONTHS AGO

Sirens were flashing, police cars were surrounding our house, and there I was, hidding inside my room with my mother firmly holding my shoulders as if to comfort and protect me at the same time, while my dad handled the case outside.

A few minutes later, a few paramedics walked out of the house carrying a stretcher, on which a body was carefully covered. Her body. I knew it was hers just by the looks of it. I couldn't understand how I was feeling that moment. Tears were falling down my cheeks, but my face remained expressionless as they took her body away.

"What happened…?" I managed to ask, choking down my sobs.

"She was murdered. I'm sorry." That was all my mother could say. I never glanced at her at the time, but I could imagine how depressed she must've been at the thought of losing her daughter, judging her cold reply.

Or so I thought.

It turns out, my parents easily moved on from her death. After the funeral, they were more focused on preparing me to ascend my sister's position in the family bussiness after I graduate more than the case of my sister's murder itself. That greatly enraged me.

Why the fuck would they already be talking about that when they still have a murder case to finish? One that directly involved the death of their daughter?! Isnt she more important? And besides, isn't it to early to talk about that when I still have a year before I graduate?

That was what I furiously thought as I slammed the door to my room.

I jumped on my bed, burrying my face in my pillow as I cried.

I was at the starting point of my depression at the time. I was having sleepless nights, though it wasn't from being busy.

3 weeks and my mind was still on the tragic incident that entirely changed my life. It happened all to fast for me to process everything, and it made it hard for me to believe that my sister was actually dead. My mind was in such a mess that I refused to eat, and I started skipping classes, without my parents knowledge,, of course. This went on for almost a month. I was really losing it back then. I had no one to talk to, and I just lost the energy to do anything. Everything seemed all to…exhausting.

My parents continued to delay the case, as if they never wanted to finish it, which became all to suspicious. It became all the more clearer that they were hiding something from me when I came home from school one day and noticed that all the solo pictures that I had left of my sister were all gone.

I was enraged to know that my father ordered them all to be thrown away after finding out that I had been skipping a few classes and that the reason was because my sister's sudden death was distracting me and my studies. But who the fuck wouldn't be?

I understood how important it was to him for his children to maintain a good preformance at school, but to think he would go as far as to get rid of the only remaining memoirs I had of my dead sister was too much. Because of that, we had a long argument that became so intense that it managed to involve my mother, who never usually joined our arguements. I just couldn't understand why they couldn't understand how painful it is to lose your best friend, my sibling, the one person who took care of me when they, my parents, weren't functioning to do their responsibility to look after their children??! And they, my parents, shouldn't they be just as affected as I am of their child's death?

After losing the arguement, I felt greatly betrayed. My sister sacrificed almost everything to please my parents and it was frustrating to think that even after she was murdered, they did nothing in return to all her sacrifices, even atleast to justify her death.

Fortunately, Mrs. Yu secretly saved me atleast one picture of her, and she made sure that it was without the knowledge of my father to prevent the both of us from getting in trouble.

My depression worsened instead of healing the more time had passed, to the point where I started cutting myself.

Everything seemed all to complicated to understand. My parents were being weird, the one person who understood me was wrongfully murdered and no one would tell me what actually happened.

I wasn't in my right mind, but so were those around me. Imagine finding yourself awake in the middle of the night with the police barging in your house and a few minutes later, you found your sister murdered and the crime scene was your own house, which was supposed to be the safest place for you to be. And no one would offer me atleast an acceptable reason why all that suddenly happened. Surely, I knew my parents were able to give me an explanation because I knew that they were fully aware of what actually happened. But I should've expected that my family would be prone towards social threats.

After all my dad, who was a highly respected bussiness man, managed to gain a corrupt politician as an economic rival. I don't know for sure what happened between them, but looking back, I guessed he must've took out his anger on my sister, which would be weird, if thats what actually happened.. Why would it be my sister? Shouldn't it atleast be one of my parents??

Besides, my sister was about to make her debut supposedly a month after she was murdered, so she still wasn't introduced to the society as someone important in our family. So she still wasn't recognized enough to be noticed by many in the society.

And suddenly I found her murdered during a time when my father had an intense conflict with someone very high up in the political hierarchy.

It never occured to me at the time that all those details could be related.

Not until when my parents noticed my mental health wasn't improving in any way since the incident and decided to move me back to Korea, thinking that I could leave all my traumas behind in Russia, so that I could pursue my studies better there, with nothing to distract me. Their sudden decision left me bewildered but I made no objections, since after our arguements, I wanted to keep my distance from them and thought this would be a good chance to do so.

It was relaxing to know that in less than a month I'd be able to be away from my parents, and I could atleast be in peace to know that I wouldn't be enduring all their selfish personalities anymore.

I realized that all they ever cared about was the business and the only thing they were worried about after my sister's death was how it brought such a negative impact in the company. Since they were unprepared to lose an heir who had a potential role in the bussiness, it seemed that they didnt want anything to interfere my studies so that I could take over the family bussiness a lot sooner, since they didn't want anything else to ruin their already delayed plans.

Of course, I've always expected that the day would come for me to help run the company, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.

Before, when I was young, I used to imagine myself helping at the company with the assistance of my sister. To think I would do so without her was all to dissapointing.

And not only that, the way how my parents seemed to have changed into a selfish pair who would prioritize their bussiness over the case of their murdered daughter was just as dissapointing.

As I prepared to leave the night before my flight was due, I noticed a small USB on my desk. It was weird since I never usually used things like that. I had no idea whose it was and so I decided to look into it. I used my laptop to find out what files were kept there, and when I opened it, I realized it was a collection of the house's CCTV camera's recent footages for the past few months. Before I could wonder any further, there was one folder in the files that caught my attention. It was the only footage with a proper label: MVTS.

I had no idea what it meant or why it was labeled like that but I got a hunch that it was especially different from the other files.

Without any second thoughts, I decided to watch it's contents, which somehow brought fear to my well-being for some reason, a reason I was yet to know.

I immediately recognized that the footage was of the basement, and, looking at the date, it was of the very same day my sister was murdered.

It was dark at first, but I could make out that something was moving within the darkness. Suddenly the lights turned on, dimly lighting up the basement. There, in the middle of the room, was my sister, crouched on the floor, wearing a grubby shirt with her long brown hair tied in a messy bun. She seemed to be going through a bunc of papers in a metal safe in front of her, but it looked liked she was disturbed by someone coming in the basement unannounced. By the looks of it, she wasn't pleased to see whoever the intruder was.

She screamed so aggressively at them that she was clenching her fists and her whole body was shaking. I've never seen her like this before.

"Go on! KILL ME!" She was saying as she made an effort to stand. It seemed like they were approaching her, since she was already attempting to make an escape, but they caught on her very quickly. Her weak countenace were no match against their strong grip. Three of the intruders were caught on the footage, but I couldn't make out their faces since they were all wearing masks. They were each holding a gun and were pointing it at her, a pretty clever way to threaten a helpless maiden. But she showed no fear and despite being cornered, she didn't hesitate to glare at the approaching personages. There were three more approaching her, two of who looked quite differently from the other four. They were the only ones who weren't in fully black clothing. In fact, they were dressed quite formally, the other one, a man, wearing a suite and tie with trousers, and his partner, a woman, wearing a long white dress.

I couldn't see their faces since their backs were facing the camera, but they looked somewhat familiar.

My sister's glare was rock steady against them. An unwavering look that could win any arguement without the aid of words.

The atmosphere in the room was quite intense, so intense that I held my breath, knowing that any minute my sister would be murdered on the scene.

"We're offering you a choice, Sue." The man spoke up.

"A choice?! You can go on woth all your dirty business for all I care, but I don't wanna get involved in such a fraud." My sister's voice never wavered even though she knew all too well that she was nearing her death.

"Go on! What are you waiting for? I already made it clear, didnt I? I'd rather die than be officially recognized as someone who was raised by criminals. Do you think, after discovering all your dirty works, I'd still have the nerves to show up at my own debut? And you think, just because you gave me a luxurious life, you think yoy could control it? I'm not that stupid you know! And I wonder what Grandpa would say after he finds out about this—"

"ENOUGH!" The man, or rather, my dad interrupted rudely.

It didn't take me long to process everything my sister had said. I felt even more betrayed as I kept on watching.

My father snatched one of the guns from one of the men and shot a bullet upwards, which resulted to a loud boom, which startled everyone.

"This is why you never deserved to be my daughter!" He threw the gun away.

"Your right. I'm nothing like you, am I?"

She smirked and suddenly, she, too, snatched one of the guns and pointed it directly at her heart. Without another word, she pulled the trigger and released it. I closed my eyes just as the bullet shot her, accompanied by a loud boom. There was a gasp of disbelief among the audience as the sound of my sister's body falling onto the ground was heard. As I opened my eyes, tears fell non stop.

There my sister lay dead on the floor.

And that was the end of the footage.

I slammed my laptop close as my tears continued to fall.

This new discovery of mine entirely changed my whole perspective towards my family. Indeed, they didn't murder. But they surely attempted to. They were the sole reason of her death. I still don't know what entirely happened that night.

But what I found out was enough to let me hate my own parents for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to forgive them, and I don't think there would be an acceptable excuse for what they did.

My parents never knew that I found out. In fact, I refused to speak to them even as I left Russia.

When I arrived in Korea, they tried to reach out to me, but I always refused to talk to them.

And that was the time when I wanted to end my life. Though for whichever reason, I knew not. It wasn't my fault. So why was I acting as if I were guilty of her death? It was weird, how I felt responsible for something my parents did. Was it because I felt scared, that because they were able to make such a grave mistake, I might be too?? Funny. They were someone whom I highly looked up to…in the past.

It was different now. I wanted to die, fearing I would be in the influence of my parents to do anything for wealth and power, even as far as to kill.

All my fears and traumas worsened my depression. And so I made various attempts to kill myself. But I was either caught or overcame with my hesitance, which is why I'm still alive.

Alive in this world I no longer wish to exist.