Chapter 13. Spring Shadow

A pot of mugwort was simmering on a rough earthenware stove, but the fire was dying, its flames flickering uncertainly.

The temperature by the stove was just right, neither too hot nor too cold, perfect for resting. Xi Yin curled up by the stove, hugging her knees, guarding the water, and unknowingly fell asleep.

When Zhang Duo stepped into the Quiet Study, there was not a sound.

Only a stark contrast of beauty and ugliness. Under the white jade Guanyin statue, a beauty curled up inward, from her neck to her back to the bend of her knees... Her outline was like the lines of a Buddha painting, clearly arousing desire, yet exuding a certain solemnity. Even the scars half-hidden by her clothes were completely different from those of the female prisoners who had been tortured in the Imperial Prison.

Zhang Duo quietly watched her for a while.

The night was still.

Her back was cast with a few scattered shadows of flowers, deep and shallow. With each breath of the stove, they trembled slightly.

It was truly a scene of a beauty blessed by the gods, no wonder the emperor was so captivated by her and almost became her victim.

Zhang Duo thought, then looked away and walked over to her, sat cross-legged, and reached out to take the teacup on the small table, accidentally pressing on her finger.

Xi Yin woke up suddenly and saw his gray shadow on the wall. She quickly sat up.

"What does the young master want, I'll get it for you..."

Before she could finish her sentence, the smell of rust and blood that hit her almost made her gag.

Zhang Duo glanced at her and smiled, "Do you find me disgusting?"

She didn't dare to answer and shrank back, hugging her knees.

Zhang Duo stopped smiling and didn't force her. He reached out, untied his belt, let his robe slip off his shoulders, revealing his upper body, and turned around:

"Is the water ready?"

"Ready..."

She quickly pointed to the stove next to her, "Jiang taught me, use water boiled with mugwort leaves, wet the silk and wipe the young master's body, but don't touch the young master's wounds." As she spoke, she pulled back the long hair that was scattered on her shoulders and got up to get water from the stove.

Zhang Duo took a few sips of cold tea and lay down on the flat desk.

Xi Yin knelt beside him with a copper basin patterned with lotus flowers.

The sound of water was lonely. Soon, the silk cloth, soaked in mugwort water, wiped past the edge of his wound, occasionally causing a brief spasm.

Zhang Duo simply relaxed his body, allowing his muscles to tremble.

Every time he returned from the torture chamber, he would wipe his body with mugwort. In the past, he was used to undressing himself and wringing out the cloth himself, even if he couldn't reach his back, he would never let anyone else do it.

Although people of his time advocated the free and unrestrained ideas of clothing and pursued a clothing style of loose robes and exposed chest, Zhang Duo did not agree.

Only prisoners would be forced to expose themselves, be beaten with whips and sticks, and be stripped naked in the market to be identified and executed. So he didn't like to expose himself in front of others, and he never allowed his servants to look directly at his body.

However, she was not a servant, she was a half-ghost on the verge of death.

"You're not coughing anymore."

Xi Yin knelt behind him, and when she heard his question, she paused, and replied in a low voice, "Ah... yes, Jiang asked a doctor for me, oh, no..."

She thought she had betrayed Jiang Qin's kindness in front of Zhang Duo and was anxious to deny it, but when she saw him turn to look at her, she knew she couldn't hide it, so she bowed her head and said, "Please don't punish Jiang, young master."

"Stop talking nonsense."

He pointed to his back with his finger, his voice cold.

Seeing that he wasn't angry, she quickly straightened up and wrung out the cloth again.

The light brown water was soon stained red by the dissolved blood. Zhang Duo closed his eyes again, but after a moment of peace, he heard her muttering behind him, as if she was thinking about something.

"What are you thinking about?"

"No... nothing."

Zhang Duo turned over, facing her, with one leg stretched out and the other bent, he sat down relaxed and reached out to her with his bloody hand.

Xi Yin quickly brought over a new basin of water and wrung out a cloth to wipe him carefully.

Most of the blood on the surface had been wiped away by him, but the rest seeped into the crevices of his nails, making it difficult to clean.

Xi Yin had no choice but to warm his fingers with a handkerchief and then use a silver needle wrapped in silk to carefully pick out the dirt.

"Where are your parents from?"

Xi Yin was startled and her hand trembled, causing the tip of the silver needle to accidentally pierce the silk and prick Zhang Duo's finger.

"I..."

"Hiss... Don't move."

He said, pulling his hand back and putting it in his mouth.

Xi Yin was flustered, "I... I'll go get some ointment for you, young master."

"Come back."

Xi Yin was too scared to move and could only sit back down, leaning over to look at the puncture wound. The area around the nail had turned a dark purple, it must have been very painful, but he seemed indifferent, only taking a breath and showing no sign of discomfort.

"Doesn't it hurt, young master?"

He smiled, lifting her chin with his injured finger, "How much can it hurt?"

She was forced to look up, "Every finger is connected to the heart. I once pricked my finger with a Qin(6) string and it hurt so much I almost fainted."

"Compared to the whip a few days ago?"

She subconsciously touched the wound on her leg, "The whip hurt more..."

He let go of her hand and rested his arm on his knee. He said calmly, "Why are you so nervous when I ask about your parents?"

"It's not that, it's just... because the young master has already asked me once."

Zhang Duo realized then that he had asked the same question twice.

Actually, what was there to ask? People's origins, whether noble like Chen or as lowly as a condemned criminal, the boundaries between them were not so clear, and they could easily switch places. If it were someone else, Zhang Duo would have no interest in knowing where he came from. But today, for some reason, he couldn't help but want to uncover the scars of the person in front of him. There was no reason, he just didn't want to feel sorry for himself alone.

"Answer when I ask."

"Okay... okay..."

She didn't understand his reasons, but she still answered honestly, "I don't remember who my parents are."

"Have you ever wondered why they abandoned you?"

Xi Yin shook her head, "No... Maybe it was because our family was too poor, so they had to abandon me, or maybe there was a disaster, like a plague or a flood, and they all died."

"What if they didn't die, and they were still in high positions?"

"Then I would go find them! I would ask them why they were so cruel, why they didn't want me, and I would make them compensate me! I would make them give me a lot of gold and silver!"

"What if they don't give it to you?"

"Then I'll take revenge on them! I've suffered so much, why should they live in luxury?"

It was a superficial yet honest statement, and it made him feel relieved. He couldn't help but laugh, "You're really such a fool who doesn't understand anything."

"If it were you, wouldn't you want to take revenge on them?"

Zhang Duo didn't answer.

Looking up at the white jade Guanyin, he remembered what Xu Wan had said to him the night the Chen family was exterminated ten years ago.

"You have to kneel in front of the Guanyin statue for an hour every day. When Guanyin sheds tears for you, I will see you."

Zhang Duo grabbed Wan's sleeve, "Are you not forgiving me?"

"Yes. You have committed too many sins. But don't worry, you are my son, and I won't let you suffer alone. You kneel for one day, and I will kneel for one day."

"You abandoned me and let me fight for food with wild dogs in the graveyard, and I forgave you. I only killed a few people who were in my way, what do they have to do with you? Why won't you forgive me!"

Zhang Duo still remembered those tearful eyes that didn't cry, filled with pity and heartache, and even a hint of sadness, but no guilt.

"I..."

She shook his hand and pointed at herself, "I shouldn't have brought you back to the Zhang family that year. No, when I abandoned you that year, I should have been more ruthless and ended your life. That way, you wouldn't suffer, the Chen family wouldn't suffer, and the Zhang family wouldn't be burdened with such a bad reputation... Zhang Tuanhan, it's all my fault, all my fault!"

He still hasn't figured out his mother's reasons.

But in this world, no one truly understands his reasons, not even Zhao Qian. Although Zhao Qian didn't criticize him harshly like Zhang Xi, nor did he dare to speak out like the others, he always mentioned Chen Xiao from time to time. His words were full of regret.

Yet the woman in front of him seemed to understand, without him needing to elaborate or even expose his wounds and recall the past. She had already stood with him. It was strange, they were clearly two completely different people.

"Young Master... did I say something wrong?"

He pulled his thoughts back and saw her kneeling in front of him with red eyes, as if she had been crying.

"No."

He reached out and touched her chin.

She subconsciously shrank back.

"Actually... I was just talking nonsense, how could I dare to take revenge, before I could even take revenge, they, with their high positions and power, would have beaten me to death. It's impossible..."

"How did you survive before you met Cen Zhao?"

"I begged."

She didn't avoid it, and there was even a strange sense of pride in her voice.

"There were a few old singers there. I went to beg to them and said a few auspicious words, and they would give me some food. Sometimes I would steal rice porridge from the stall. If I was caught, I would be beaten. Then I would be tied to the stove and got smoked. But later, they saw that I was pitiful and would let me go..."

She saw his brow furrow slowly and her voice became clearer, gradually daring not to continue.

"These words... I've answered the young master twice... are you tired of hearing them?"

Zhang Duo picked up the snake-skin whip on the small table, and Xi Yin jumped up in fright, but he grabbed her back.

"So you became what you are now."

As he spoke, he used the whip handle to open the front of her dress.

"Don't hit me... please, don't hit me."

"Hehe, I've told you many times, begging won't keep you alive."

She trembled all over and didn't dare to look at him.

"But, if I don't beg, how can I have food... how can I have money."

"You're so afraid of dogs, have you ever been bitten by a dog?"

"Yes..."

"Then would you beg the dog not to bite you?"

"I... I would run away..."

"And then?"

"Sometimes I could escape, sometimes I couldn't."

"Did you beg the eunuch who sent you to the palace?"

She was startled.

"I did..."

"Did he let you and Cen Zhao go?"

"No..."