Chapter 8: The Missed Period

Each day was as routine as the one before it, and they all blended. I adhered to an unchangeable cycle of work, home, and dinner with Ryan to maintain as much regularity as possible in my life. However, every morning as I looked at the calendar, a nagging sense of dread continued to sneak into the corners of my mind.

I first dismissed it as stress. I was already feeling uneasy just thinking about that evening with Andrew. Perhaps the guilt was making me feel strange, I thought. Guilt has the ability to impact every aspect of a person; it could be a tremendous force. I told myself it was all right and tried to ignore it. However, the time that was lost was a very other matter.

I stood in the bathroom, my hands on the sink's edge, my mind racing as I gazed at my reflection. I was already about two weeks beyond due for my menstruation. Despite my best efforts to ignore it, I couldn't help but think about that night with Andrew.

"Stress can do this," I told myself in a reasonable whisper. "Maybe it’s just stress."

But I knew in my heart. This was more than simply a hold-up. Even though I had never given it much consideration previously, I couldn't deny the fact that my period had always been regular. I made myself glance aside from my mirror by clenching my jaw.

I inhaled deeply in an attempt to quiet the terror that surged up my chest. Even though I didn't want to, I knew what I had to do. I discovered it—a pregnancy test I had purchased a few years before, hidden away and never used—in a dusty box under the washbasin in the bathroom's corner. Since then, I had not given it any attention. It was intended for a "in case of emergency" scenario, which I never imagined I would ever need.

Pulling the box out made my hands shake, and I stared down at the directions as if they were written in a foreign language. I tried to centre myself by holding it for a bit.

However, there was no avoiding it. I took the test after a few minutes and put it on the counter so I wouldn't see it as I paced the little bathroom. Every click of the wall clock pounded at my nerves, making the seconds seem like hours.

At last, I made myself look down.

Two lines of pink.

It seemed as if the room's air had been drawn out. I blinked in the hopes that it was just an error and that the outcome would be different if I looked again. However, the lines were still there, distinct and unambiguous.

I had to brace myself against the counter as a chilling wave of terror swept over me. I was expecting a child. My thoughts raced, going over every possibility that might possibly happen, none of which were consoling. This was not intended to occur. I used caution. Ryan and I had meticulously planned out our lives, but this wasn't one of them. Furthermore, it wasn't his.

With every thought a twinge of terror, the harsh truth struck me. Andrew. He must have had it. No other option existed. A new wave of humiliation washed over me as the memories of that night, his hands, and his muttered words all came flooding back.

With the whole weight of my predicament bearing down on me, I closed my eyes. Now what was I meant to do? I couldn't bear to shatter Ryan's heart, therefore I couldn't tell him. I couldn't even bring myself to acknowledge how I had deceived him after he had trusted and supported me. However, I couldn't keep this a secret indefinitely. The truth would eventually surface, and I would have to deal with the fallout.

I sat on the bathtub's edge and tried to think as my hands trembled. I needed time. Maybe Ryan would believe me if I told him it was his. We had spent years together, making plans for the future. Perhaps he would be pleased with the kid, and I could conceal the truth so well that it would never be revealed.

Could I, however, put up with that? The untruth was oppressive and weighty. I never thought I could lie so thoroughly, and I had never kept anything like this from him. However, now... I was at a loss for what to do.

Amid the terror, I felt a glimmer of resolve as I put my arms around myself. I'd work it out somehow. Without ruining everything, I would figure out a method to make this work. I would have to. I forced myself to rise after taking a trembling breath.

With the weight of the secret bearing down on me, the remainder of the day went by in a daze. I found myself observing Ryan when he returned home, taking note of every kind gesture and glance he offered me. His life was about to alter, but he had no clue what was happening. And for the first time, I understood how much I cherished the predictability and regularity that I had long taken for granted.

The guilt seemed to overwhelm me when he put his arms around me that night, drawing me in and whispering a gentle "I love you." However, I forced myself to smile, to unwind in his arms, and to ignore the persistent thoughts that threatened to ruin everything.

My mind was already working on a plan when I got up early the next day. Perhaps if I could simply overcome this first obstacle, everything else would work itself out. I would disclose my pregnancy to Ryan. Why wouldn't he think it was his? Then, one step at a time, I could figure out the rest.

I prepared his favourite dinner that evening, arranging the table and lighting a few candles to create a warm and cosy ambiance. I wanted everything to be as flawless as possible if I was going to tell him. I wanted him to be content and think that this was the life we had always imagined.

His face brightened up when he saw the dinner set when he got home, and he looked at me curiously. He sat down and smiled, asking, "Wow, what's the occasion?"

I tried to maintain a steady voice while forcing a grin. "All I wanted to do was something kind." For us.

He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "You didn't need to deal with all of this. But thank you.

We ate in cosy solitude, and I took a minute to relax and enjoy the comforting familiarity of our routine. But it was difficult for me to breathe because of the pressure of what I had to say. At last, I inhaled deeply, bracing myself.

"Ryan," I said, my voice no more than a whisper. His eyes were kind and focused as he gazed up.

"Yes?"

I forced the words out after swallowing. "I... I discovered that I am pregnant.

There was stillness for a time, and I braced myself, feeling my heart thumping. But rather than the fear I anticipated, a grin appeared on his face, and his eyes brightened with happiness.

"Are you serious?" he said in a curious tone. Unable to respond, I nodded as he got up and crossed the table to embrace me tightly.

"Amelia, this is—this is incredible." With a happy smile on his face, he withdrew. We didn't intend for this to happen, but It's amazing. We will become parents.

Even though my guilt was more acute than ever, I made myself grin to match his pleasure. I had made up my mind to tell this lie, and I had to do it. For the time being, it was sufficient that he was content and had faith in our future.

I held on to that little bit of solace as the days went by, using it to get me through every situation.