Chapter 46

"Well?" Kukaku demanded impatiently.

Their Vice President paused just long enough to heighten the agony before divulging her pick. "It's Shunsui."

The rest of the women looked on in amusement and, she rather liked to think, envy. At least Nanao wasn't having a seizure at the prospect. Yoruichi couldn't believe her luck. She'd always been curious about the womanizing Eighth Squad captain. Score!

Rangiku came to the front as Yoruichi took her seat, grin still plastered on her face. The President raised a hand, bringing all chatter to a halt. "Before we move on to tonight's lesson I believe Lisa and Nanao have a video for our viewing pleasure."

She smiled at the seething Visored as Nanao rose from her seat to turn the video over to Nemu. Within moments the lights were cut and sounds of clashing steel filled the room.

"We've already seen this," Kukaku complained. "Skip it."

"Yeah. Get to the good part," Nel agreed.

Several other members rowdily urged Nemu to skip the fight they'd all been present for and cheered when she finally complied. Nanao gave Lisa an apologetic look as the video started. The Visored was relieved to find that her accomplice hadn't started recording until after the cologne fiasco. Unfortunately she'd begun before Lisa had returned with the cloth for Ikkaku. So naturally Kukaku needed a full explanation of what had occurred. Quickly and reluctantly, she explained about the 'poison' and the sickening way it tasted.

Lisa glared around the room, daring anyone to say something. To her chagrin, Nanao was the one who laughed first. She frowned as her former subordinate's dainty giggle transformed into a roar of mirth.

"So that's what that was all about?" Nanao pulled her glasses from her face and wiped the tears that were beginning to stream down. "I'm really sorry, but you can't tell me that you don't think it's even a little funny."

Lisa continued to pout as everyone mocked her misfortune. She did not relish Kukaku and Yoruichi seeing this video. They would never let her live it down. "Just push play so we can get this over with," she grumbled.

"Testy, aren't we?" Yoruichi teased as they resumed the tape.

Time passed in a blur as Lisa was forced to relive what was quite possibly the worst night of her life, and very quickly decided that seeing it on video was even more horrific than the actual experience had been. To her surprise, as things went from bad to worse, the faces of her friends became more and more sympathetic. By the end of the video Captain Unohana had a small tear in her eye.

The mood was somber as Nemu turned off the projector and Rangiku flicked the lights back on. The laughter and teasing Lisa had expected never came. Yoruichi shuffled over to the Visored with a solemn expression. Grabbing the younger woman's hands, she pulled her from her seat and into a soothing embrace.

"You poor thing. I am sooo sorry."

Lisa couldn't have been more surprised if Yoruichi had told her she was really a man. She watched in disbelief as the rest of the women stood and gathered around her and the golden-eyed captain.

"Group hug," Orihime shouted cheerily.

And then they were all glomping her. Some of the ladies were practically in tears, and the rest expressed either words of encouragement or offers to dispose of Madarame outright with no one being the wiser. While the incident was traumatic Lisa didn't think it warranted all this. Apparently having horrible sex was a fate worse than death.

"If it would help lessen the pain, dear," Unohana began sympathetically, "I could arrange for him to be accidentally castrated at his next physical checkup."

"Uhhh…" Lisa regarded her warily.

"It's no trouble, really!" the ancient healer continued, contriving to wear a saintly smile while discussing something absolutely reprehensible. "Nowhere near as hard as trying to explain away an unscheduled lobotomy. People look at you funny for weeks afterwards. Why, even Captain Kurotsuchi…!"

"Ok, enough with this disgusting show of emotion," Kukaku complained, breaking up the group's embrace.

Lisa was extremely relieved not to have to hear the rest of that story. All but Yoruichi made their way back to their seats. With a hand on each of the bespectacled woman's shoulders, she looked tenderly into the Visored's eyes. "We'll get through this. Together." She pulled Lisa in for another embrace, rubbing her back in a very motherly way. "You can help me with my mission." Releasing the confused woman, Yoruichi then backed away. "You know, I think we can all use a little pick-me-up after what we've just been through."

Lisa rolled her eyes at that. All they've been through? She was the one with the humiliating sex tape. Though it was kind of nice how much they seemed to care.

"I was planning to save this for Kaku and Ran's parties, but I think now is as good a time as any." Yoruichi disappeared up the ladder and into her bedroom, returning with a large box. "Hey Kaku, there's one more up in my room."

The one-armed woman cocked her head. "So?"

"So go get it, ass," Yoruichi huffed.

Kukaku unenthusiastically went to retrieve the other box as Yoruichi gently set hers down on the floor.

"What's this?" Rangiku trotted up beside her curiously.

Yoruichi grinned as Kukaku descended from above and everyone gathered around. She gingerly opened the box and pulled out one of the bottles inside with a wide grin.

"This is the new man in my life." Yoruichi lovingly kissed the label, earning her more than a few raised eyebrows.

"Come again?" replied a puzzled Kukaku.

Their hostess leapt to her feet. "Ladies, meet Jack." She was met with more blank stares and decided to go into greater detail. "It's American whiskey. The box Kukaku has is the original blend, Jack Daniels, and this brand is Gentleman Jack."

They all regarded her purchase with skepticism. Feeling somewhat miffed at their unenthusiastic response she snapped, "Just get some cups." Rangiku obeyed as Kukaku followed behind her filling their glasses.

"Why can't we have that one?" Nel asked, pointing to the bottle in her captain's hand.

"Pah!" Yoruichi scoffed. "You just don't pass a gentleman around like a gigolo. This is strictly for special occasions. I was planning to use it for Ran's party, but we can drink the regular stuff anytime."

Rangiku eyed the drink with uncertainty before bringing it to her nose. "GAH!" she squeaked. "My nose!"

"Don't sniff it, you idiot. Here," Yoruichi grabbed the coke from the table, "Mix it with this."

"I don't need to mix my drink like some kind of pussy," Kukaku announced before taking a big gulp from her cup. Her eyes quickly became three times their normal size as she let out a chest-rattling cough. "SHIT!" she croaked between hacks.

Nel, not wanting to miss an opportunity to abuse the bandaged beauty, stepped forward and whacked her hard on the back. Kukaku turned and glared at the Arrancar, who gave her an innocent smile in return. "I was just trying to help."

"It's kinda strong. I probably should have mentioned that," Yoruichi grinned.

A still panting Kukaku looked up at her friend with a devilish smirk. "I'm gonna steal your man. I think I'm in love."

Yoruichi cackled. "I knew you'd like him! If you treat me good, I'll share him with you."

"I'll treat you the same way I always treat you… like the hooker you are." Kukaku winked at her purple-haired friend as she guzzled the rest of the drink, already craving the pleasant burn it had left in her chest.

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