The Name I Will One Day Call You By

Mahiru never once dropped her formal speech, regardless of who she was speaking to. Her stance never seemed to change whether she conversed with those older or younger than her. Teachers, classmates, and even underclassmen received the same polite treatment, as did store clerks, neighbors, and even lost children.

So, what about special people in her life? To them, too, her way of speaking remained unchanged. Her closest friend, Chitose, and even her boyfriend, Amane, were no exceptions.

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"You always speak formally to everyone, don't you, Mahiru?"

Curious, Amane couldn't help but ask this after dinner. Mahiru blinked upon hearing his question, her long eyelashes fluttering. While he felt somewhat guilty for the abrupt question, it was too late for regret now that the words had already left his mouth.

Mahiru, not looking particularly offended, replied with a smile, "Well, yes. I've gotten so used to it at this point that I don't even think about it anymore," as she sipped her tea.

"Is there a reason you always use formal language?" Amane then asked, further intrigued by her reply.

Mahiru gently set her cup down quietly on the table and looked downward, deep in thought. "Hmm…it's somewhat difficult to explain."

"What do you mean?"

"The biggest reason is that I simply want to sound polite…but there's also that I prefer to maintain a certain distance between myself and others."

Clearly struggling to articulate her reasons, Mahiru furrowed her eyebrows and wore a somewhat troubled expression, perhaps sensing Amane's gaze.

"You know how when you interact with someone to a certain extent, you naturally grow closer? Both physically and emotionally."

"Well, yeah. That does happen."

"About that, I'm the type of person whose personal space is quite large, so even if I grow somewhat close to somebody, if they invade that space, I can't help but set some distance between us…it's almost like a reflex."

"Do you dislike it when I invade your space too?"

"N–No, of course not! I wouldn't have sat next to you in the first place if I didn't want you to enter my personal space!" Truth be told, Amane had posed that question while anticipating some sort of denial, but the sheer strength of her rejection still managed to be somewhat overwhelming. "Umm, it's not as if I'm trying to alienate myself or anything… It's hard to articulate, but it might be appropriate to say that my choice of words reflects my wish for the other person to not further invade my personal space. It's now a habit of mine."

Amane understood what Mahiru was trying to say. Fundamentally, she was sociable and treated everyone with a smile. But at her core, she was somewhat introverted and preferred to spend her time quietly and peacefully. This trait was especially prominent in her private life—it was clear she wasn't fond of letting people get too close. Even when she was with Amane, they weren't constantly engaged in conversation as they were quite content to quietly do their own thing a lot of the time. Still, she never once refused his close presence. In fact, she welcomed it with a smile. She considered him special, and this wasn't a luxury afforded to anybody else.

It added up that Mahiru tended to be sensitive to people invading her own safe space. It was as if a sort of defense mechanism was at work. Her use of polite language appeared deliberate, serving as a kind of wall that Mahiru erected.

"It's a way I hold others at bay, so my reasoning isn't very endearing to be honest," she sighed, her face grim. She then twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. "I can be quite twisted, can't I?"

"As your boyfriend, I think you're incredibly straightforward and easy to understand."

"…No, I am twisted."

"Look at you getting all embarrassed." "Please don't tease me."

Her face flushed, Mahiru launched a (weak) direct attack on Amane's thigh as he sat beside her. He couldn't grasp what it was that was twisted about her, but Mahiru herself seemed wholly convinced that she was.

"…I don't believe in authentic, genuine friendships," she murmured with a sigh, her voice softer yet more monotone than usual. "Of course, I don't mean to claim that they don't exist anywhere. But I think that people's social relationships continue because there are benefits to be gained. Whether the person in question wishes to enjoy a kind of material or emotional gain, I won't discuss specifics. But if there were nothing to be gained, people would no longer stick around."

While what Mahiru was saying could be considered a somewhat extreme view, it added up. Essentially, every relationship had its pros and cons, and people fostered it based on an understanding of those.

Even friendship was sustained because spending time with that person brought one joy, happiness, or peace—mental benefits. On the flip side, if the drawbacks like distrust, discomfort, or risks from maintaining that friendship outweighed the benefits, then it was only natural that the relationship would end.

While some might criticize the idea of calculating friendships based on gains and losses, at the end of the day, everyone unconsciously made judgments based on whether they found the relationship pleasurable or not.

"While this is embarrassing to admit, and may show how self-conscious I can be, I feel as though there aren't many who approach me in good faith. I'm aware it's not everyone, but plenty of people have approached me on the basis that they see benefits in growing close to me."

Amane felt a pang of pain in his chest, sensing that her words, underscored by the sighs she had been heaving, undoubtedly stemmed from her own personal experiences. It was easy to imagine that she had grown all too accustomed to receiving both good and ill intentions, and Amane couldn't help but bite his lip in a sense of helplessness.

Her past friendships were indeed a result of Mahiru playing the role of an angel, but this made it all the more evident that not all of those relationships were positive.

"People tend to believe they can get academic help from someone cute, or they want to be friends with a popular girl to improve their own reputation. Or, as a safety net to not be ostracized by others. As for the bad intentions—well, some men desire me as an accessory, or as a sort of 'trophy'? And then there are girls who pretend to be friends just to pick up guys whom I have rejected…there's been a variety, to say the least."

Her voice, full of weariness and lacking spirit, revealed clearly the hardships she had endured. Amane couldn't help but instinctively stroke her head in a comforting manner.

Mahiru's voice and expression was laden with a kind of emotional strain that seemed to accumulate just from recalling her past experiences, which filled Amane with a sense of heartfelt gratitude and a desire to tell her 'well done for enduring so much.'

His brows were furrowed in concern, so Mahiru hastily clarified, "Of course, there are also people who genuinely like me and approach me even as the 'Angel,'" her voice taking on a slightly brighter tone. But if her expression just moments ago was any indication, it was clear that she had struggled a great deal to come to terms with her experiences.

"In any case, that is why I have maintained a line between myself and others by always using polite language and behavior. If I treat everyone the same, people who try to force their way into my life will naturally be ostracized by everyone else…although that isn't a great way of handling things."

By leveraging her standing at school, she had managed to deter people from exploiting her. This was a social skill Mahiru had acquired through the difficulties she had faced with human relationships—likely a defense mechanism of sorts.

"…You really have been through a lot," Amane remarked.

"Still, I can't deny that my own perceptions may have influenced some of those experiences. I won't argue if you say I'm overly self-conscious."

"Nah. Seeing how popular you were, calling it 'self-consciousness' doesn't really…"

Things were calm now that it was now widely known she had a boyfriend, but Mahiru's popularity before they started dating was out of this world. There were always people gathering around her, both male and female, and according to her, she was regularly confessed to. While it wasn't to the extent that a crowd followed her wherever she went, there were almost always a few people by her side, and instances where she was alone were few and far between.

However, it was also true that, as Mahiru claimed herself, she wasn't often seen with any particularly close friends. It was understandable especially after seeing how Chitose aggressively pushed her way through—the relationships she had with other students seemed to only be superficial at best.

"I don't worry about it as much anymore." assured Mahiru. "After all, I'm surrounded by plenty of kind and wonderful people now."

Amane saw no falsehood in her smile.

Their current classmates were mostly rational and mild-mannered individuals. Those who had kicked up a fuss during the sports festival seemed to have given up, as they hadn't approached Amane or Mahiru with any ulterior motives since then. As for the girls, they, for some inexplicable reason, adopted a quietly watchful and friendly demeanor.

Amane and Mahiru were very grateful that they could date peacefully, thanks in large part to the understanding nature of their class.

"Actually, the reason I started using formal language wasn't initially for that reason," Mahiru added.

"'Initially'?"

"Umm…I suspect that you'll be even more concerned if I tell you." Mahiru responded in a voice filled with reluctance, as if she herself was the one more concerned. Amane struggled to grasp the reason for her hesitation and blinked repeatedly. Then finally, as if making up her mind, Mahiru continued. "…Doesn't formal language make me sound more like an honor student?"

"Ah," A sound escaped Amane's lips.

And at the same moment, regret hit the back of his head like a blow, as if telling him he would have been better off not asking.

"When children our age are learning all sorts of words and using them without thinking about their meaning or how the recipient will interpret them, speaking politely, kindly, and gently would…at the very least, make one appear to be a very 'good girl' to adults, would it not?" Paying no mind to both Amane's voice and the regret that had surfaced on his face, Mahiru continued.

Her expression was incredibly soft and serene, as if she were demonstrating how a 'good girl' should act right then and there. That smile only intensified Amane's regret.

"What a fool I was, trying so hard with nothing to show for it."

Those words Mahiru had once spoken continued to circle endlessly in his mind, refusing to leave.

"Back then, I tried so hard to be seen as a 'good girl,' for them to look my way. Looking back, I think I was being quite twisted."

Mahiru, after nonchalantly claiming once again that she was twisted, looked at Amane with a mix of concern and slight panic when he remained silent. "Of course, I no longer feel the same way now. It's more like an old habit of mine, so I don't really think much of it anymore."

Likely concerned for Amane, Mahiru offered a gentle white lie. In response, Amane couldn't bear it any longer and simply enveloped her from the front in a full embrace. Although her body tensed for a moment, she quickly relaxed and leaned into him. That alone was enough for Amane to feel that she truly trusted him.

"…You don't have to be a 'good girl,' Mahiru. I will continue to like you no matter how you speak."

"Y-Yes, I know."

"Then take it to heart even more." "…Okay."

Amane loved everything about Mahiru.

He cherished every facet of her—whether it was the way she acted out the role of a 'good girl' like she had just self-deprecatingly mentioned, how she could be severe and somewhat exclusionary toward others, how she could be lonely despite being afraid to deeply accept others, or in the way she claimed to be twisted but instead remained genuinely good-natured and felt guilty about wearing a mask. Every aspect of Mahiru was dear to him.

By no means did Amane only fall for the surface-level good qualities that Mahiru had. Including the darkness she carried, Amane found Mahiru incredibly endearing.

As he conveyed this, holding her gently and stroking her back, Mahiru seemed slightly embarrassed and squirmed about in his arms. She made no move to escape and stayed there in his embrace, comfortable as ever. This was testament to the fact that she accepted Amane just as he accepted her.

"Th-That may worry you, but um…truthfully, that's not all." "It isn't?"

"Yes. I mean, Koyuki-san was the one who really raised me, wasn't she?" "Yeah…she was."

"Ah, I didn't mention that to make you feel bad for me, okay!?"

Thinking back to Mahiru's upbringing, Amane had nodded, feeling a bit blue despite it not being about him. In turn, this made Mahiru act slightly flustered.

"Um, what I want to say is, you learn a lot from the people who are always around you. Take Koyuki-san, for example. She always used polite language. Part of it had been because she was employed, of course…but she treated everyone that way. I thought that attitude she had was incredibly elegant and wonderful. I wanted to be like her, so I suppose you could say I imitated her in that regard."

"I see…" Amane paused briefly. "If you say that, then it wasn't just the way she spoke. Her manners must've also been elegant. Otherwise, you wouldn't have admired her enough to imitate her, would you?"

"Correct."

Just knowing that Mahiru's behavior wasn't solely for the sake of being a 'good girl' was enough to make Amane feel relieved.

The more he heard, the more Amane realized how crucial Koyuki's existence was to Mahiru. It was easy to imagine that without her, the Mahiru he came to know wouldn't exist, so it was only natural to believe that she was precious to Mahiru. Seeing how much Mahiru admired her, Koyuki must have been an extraordinarily kind and noble person.

Amane had never seen her, but someday, he wanted to meet Koyuki, the woman who guided Mahiru. Although it wasn't his place to say, he wanted to go and thank her himself.

Amane felt that Koyuki would be pleased if he could show her the Mahiru he knew today, even though he had never met her before. Seeing Mahiru's immense trust in her made him happy that a person like her existed in Mahiru's life, causing a soft smile to spread across his face.

She must have been a truly wonderful person, he mused. As he tenderly caressed Mahiru, who remained agreeably pampered in his arms, a sudden thought came to him.

Koyuki was the initial reason Mahiru started speaking formally, but there were a multitude of reasons she continued to use it. She wanted to prove to her parents that she could be a good child, and she wanted to erect an invisible barrier between herself and others for self-preservation.

…But if that's the case, Amane thought, wouldn't it be okay for her to drop the formality now?

"Just wondering, but doesn't that mean you aren't relying on speaking formally anymore?" Amane then asked.

"I suppose so, yes."

"So…if you spoke casually, what would happen?"

Mahiru essentially never spoke in a casual tone. While she occasionally used words like 'dummy' or showed a hint of exasperation with 'geez', the language she used was always respectful and polite.

Even when addressing people, Mahiru primarily appended 'san,' to their name, and though she did add 'kun' for Amane, there was never any dropping of honorifics. Simply listening to her words, one might assume that she was talking to a stranger. Though her tone of voice conveyed something more intimate, the formality remained.

"S-Speak casually?"

"Yep. I mean, uh…you even talk to me—your boyfriend—in a formal way too. I realized that I've never actually heard you without your formalities."

"E-Even if you ask me that…"

As Amane kept his gaze fixed on Mahiru, she seemed to shrink uncomfortably within his arms.

"My bad, my bad. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just a bit curious, nothing more. You're always so formal, so I couldn't help but be curious."

"G-Geez…dummy."

Mahiru lightly headbutted Amane's chest a few times, partially to hide her embarrassment and partially to get back at him. After devoting a moment to 'punishing' him, she looked up at him, her eyes wavering with a sense of hesitation. Amane, feeling that he shouldn't push her too hard, gently patted her back, upon which Mahiru slowly began to speak.

"Hey, I…love you lots and lots, Amane-kun." Whispered softly, just a single sentence.

A statement so short it couldn't have lasted for any longer than five seconds.

Yet, for a few moments, Amane's thoughts went completely blank, requiring an inordinate amount of time to digest Mahiru's words.

With her still in his arms, he froze in place. Mahiru's words looped again and again inside his mind as tried to fully grasp their meaning. When he finally managed to process what she'd said, he looked down at her, who was moving as awkwardly as a machine running out of oil in his arms.

Mahiru, for her part, appeared to have overheated as well—her face was flushed a deep crimson, and she had stopped moving.

Only the wetness in Mahiru's eyes shimmered, reflecting the light as they quivered. Those eyes, locked with Amane's, were instantly filled with shyness as if wanting to hide behind the curtain of her eyelids.

Amane watched her long eyelashes tremble as they began to lower like a curtain before sealing her cherry-colored lips that seemed about to close themselves off in the same way with his own.

Though Mahiru started moving again, it wasn't in resistance. Mahiru seemed to entrust herself to Amane entirely, leaning into him. It had been just a brief touch of the lips, yet when they parted, Mahiru looked up at him with cheeks even more flushed than before and eyes moistened anew.

The sight of her was once again, so deeply endearing. "One more time," Amane said.

"…I can't."

"No, not the kiss. What you said earlier." "I won't say it again!"

"Aww."

"Baka."

Realizing her limited repertoire of insults, Amane gently let go of Mahiru, who had thrown a word so adorable at him that calling it a cute telling-off wouldn't give it justice. Then, with her face still flushed, she moved away from him as if trying to cool off her warmth. The whole situation was somehow amusing, and Amane couldn't help but laugh.

"I love you too, Mahiru. Deeply, with all my heart."

"…I would prefer you to not start dialing up your formalities, Amane-kun." "Okaay."

Seeing her slightly nuanced gaze directed at him, he promptly apologized.

Without saying anything more, Mahiru proceeded to drink her now-lukewarm tea, as if continuing her cooling-down process.

Feeling it would be unfair to tease Mahiru any further, Amane simply watched her while taking a sip of his own coffee that had been sitting idle. Though the coffee had gone cold and was supposed to be black, it tasted strangely sweet to him.

"…Speaking of, we haven't changed the way we call each other even after we started dating, have we?"

Collecting his thoughts and reflecting on their relationship, Amane couldn't help but find it amusing that they still used the same honorifics as before.

Mahiru, who seemed to have regained her composure, let out a tiny, adorable "Uuu," clearly concerned about the issue.

"B-But, Amane-kun is Amane-kun…" Mahiru responded.

"Well, it is hard to imagine you calling me by my name without any honorifics anyways. You've always used '-kun' or '-san' with people."

"I would find it challenging to address you without honorifics out of the blue."

"Well, sure, but…uh, I was just wondering, will it always be 'Amane-kun'?"

It wasn't that Amane disliked being called 'Amane-kun,' and he understood that it was Mahiru's own special way of addressing him. However, he couldn't help but wonder if it would remain that way indefinitely.

Although he hadn't explicitly told Mahiru, Amane was already prepared to spend the rest of his life with her. He had no intention of letting her go as long as she welcomed him and didn't want to separate unless she disliked the idea.

Will she continue to call me 'Amane-kun' in the future too? Amane couldn't help but wonder as a strange feeling filled him.

Mahiru looked up at him intently. "…Amane?" She tilted her head slightly as she called out his name, causing Amane to bite the inside of his cheek. "…Somehow, addressing you without the honorific doesn't exactly feel right," she continued. "Or rather, it feels vastly different from usual."

"I-I see."

"It's also…embarrassing."

I'm the one who's supposed to be embarrassed, having been called that so suddenly, Amane reasoned inwardly. Still, he managed to hold back his words and neutralize the sweetness in his mouth with a gulp of his coffee. After observing Amane's demeanor for a moment, Mahiru delicately grasped the hem of his shirt.

What's she up to? He looked at her and wondered, faced with her endearing gesture. She peeked at his face and looked up at him, her cheeks tinged with a blush.

"Amane-san."

Her softly spoken words almost made Amane drop the mug full of coffee that he was holding.

Mahiru, as she currently was before Amane, was essentially cuteness given human form. But at the same time, she also exhibited a mature beauty. Her face, subtly flushed yet transforming that into a form of allure, carried a seductive quality. She whispered a voice so sweet that it seemed to seep from the edge of one's thoughts, immersing and melting into them—it was impossible not to be shaken.

Although she was visibly embarrassed, she mumbled, "This feels more natural, wouldn't you say? Hehe," making it clear that she hadn't said that intending to be alluring. But the fact that it wasn't intentional somehow made it even more potent, and that was all but blatantly obvious.

"…It's also terrible for my heart," Amane voiced. "Wh-Why is that?" stammered Mahiru.

"Y-You know, well…uh, it's just…" "Yes?"

"…If felt, really, um, wife-like, I guess."

It was embarrassing to even say it, but he had no choice but to spit it out.

Judging by her frozen expression, it seemed Mahiru hadn't expected him to say what he did and began to scrutinize the meaning behind his words. The next moment, her face turned beet red, and she proceeded to give Amane's upper arm a few light slaps.

"…Please don't get any weird thoughts in your head," Mahiru urged. "Yeah, sorry."

Amane was aware that he had indeed said something quite audacious and promptly apologized. Mahiru responded with an even softer "Seriously, geez." and a few more light slaps, but then her demeanor changed as if pondering something. For a moment, Amane wondered if she was displeased, but then he caught sight of a somewhat mischievous, teasing smile on her face. Realizing he had inadvertently provided her with the perfect ammunition for amusement, he sighed internally.

"...I see, so '-san' gets your heart pounding faster than 'Amane-kun,' does it?"

"I'll get used to it if you keep repeating it, you know." "Hmph."

Amane anticipated that she was about to deliver another bombshell and decided to offer her a preemptive warning. Unsurprisingly, Mahiru, who seemed to have been plotting something, made no attempt to hide her discontent and slightly pursed her lips.

"…Giving you a surprise would be quite a delight now and again," she then added.

"Uh, Mahiru-san?" "It's nothing."

Considering how unfazed she looked, Amane thought about pinching her cheeks to get back at her. But upon catching his gaze, Mahiru lowered her eyes. Her closed eyelids trembled slightly.

"That's why…for now, I am okay with calling you Amane-kun."

It seemed Mahiru managed to grasp what lay beyond Amane's thoughts. Understanding the weight of the words 'for now,' she seemed willing to let things stay as they were for the time being. Amane gently placed his outstretched hand on her cheek, responded with a soft "Yeah," and smiled warmly at Mahiru, whose ears had turned a deep shade of red.