Zero Hour

Dean walked into the Bureau. He saw Bruss in the coffee room talking with Curtis.

"Patrick," he called out.

"Holy shit! Look what the cat dragged in! How's it going, man?"

Bruss walked up, shook Dean's hand, and exchanged a bro-hug.

"Look at you. You're looking rather good. It must be that California sunshine. Have a seat, man."

Dean took a seat next to Bruss' desk. He looked over at Allie's. It looked different. It was cluttered with half-empty water bottles and empty snack food bags.

"I can't believe Allie would let her space get so untidy. Has she been feeling okay? I was hoping to catch her. I've tried her phone, but it always goes straight to voicemail."

"You don't know? Haven't you talked to her? Or at least to Makayla?"

"I've just been laying low. Trying to get back into the swing of things. Getting my head back into the game."

"Dean, Allie quit. She doesn't work for the department anymore. She was having some health issues, and one day, she came in and just quit. Put in her two weeks, and she was gone. The pig pen belongs to my new partner. Do you remember McCoy?"

"Yeah. That must be fun."

"Yeah, it's like Mardi Gras every day, he said. So, how have you been?"

"I've been doing great."

"Dean, I'm not a fucking idiot. I know things. We all know things."

"Wow, so much for privacy."

"It caused a lot of turmoil. She wouldn't be able to hide it or how it affected her. I personally haven't seen her in a couple of months. Come to think of it, none of us have, apart from Makayla and Alvarez."

"Alvarez? Fucking Alvarez," he sneered.

"Dean Alex helped her out."

"I'm sure he helped himself too. When the fuck did you become teem Alvarez?

"When did you get the foul mouth?"

"Who are you? My fucking mother."

"Don't talk to me like that, and don't talk about things you don't know. If you did, you wouldn't be so judgmental of him. I'm sure Allie will call you when she is ready. I can tell her you are looking for her, but it's up to her if she wants to talk to you. Things have become overly complicated since you left, and now that you are back, it won't be any easier for her."

Dean felt anger. She must have told him or Shelly about the letter. He was so annoyed that everyone probably knew. Apparently, the letter was a bad idea. Half the reason he wrote it was for selfish reasons. He wouldn't be guilty if he confessed because he took the high road and told the truth. The other half was that he genuinely wanted to be honest with her. He hoped he and Allie could talk and pick up where they had left off.

"You know what I'm going to go. This conversation is unnecessary, and I didn't come here to be criticized and treated like shit."

Bruss was getting concerned. The anger he was showing in his body language was intense.

"Dean, that wasn't my intent. I thought we were just two friends having a conversation. I care about you, man."

"I don't need your pity or your concern. I'm fine. If you see her, tell her I asked about her. If you don't, you don't."

Bruss looked into his eyes. "Who are you?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Who am I?"

"You might look like Dean, but you have some other influence in your head."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Stay in your lane."

"You may have forgotten I have a bachelor's in psychology. And it would be best if you talked to someone."

"I just did, Doctor Bruss."

Dean got up and left. Bruss watched him walk off.

This is going to be a problem. He's going to be a problem.

Natalie had barely talked to Dean since he got home. She was so disappointed with her Big Brother, who had always been her hero.

She tried to understand that it was his job and that he had to do what he needed to do to save face and stay safe, but she didn't understand why he did so much, so many different things.

She knows drugs are a slippery slope. He preached to her about its dangers. He made sure that when she broke her back, she took her medication precisely like she was supposed to.

She really can't understand why he did what he did to Allie. Natalie was under the impression Dean was going to stay as faithful as possible if possible, and he ended up with a sex addiction.

Yes, the thought of her brother being with anyone repulsed her, but to think that he did things with so many that he had to seek treatment for it disturbed her. He had always been such a loyal person. She was disappointed in him. At first, she would give him a dirty look, but then she stopped looking at him.

She couldn't look into the face of a stranger who once was her brother. She had the feeling when she dropped him off that nothing good would come of this op. Her brother would get on the plane, but he wouldn't be the one who came home. She was right. She never had wanted to be so wrong in her life.

After Dean returned from the 6th and learned that Allie no longer worked there, he was conflicted. He was happy to hear that she had started a new chapter in her life, but he was also pissed to hear that she had started a new chapter in her life. Especially if that new life was with Alvarez. Fucking Alvarez. He wondered how long it took for him to get her back into her pants. Knowing Allie, it was the day he left.

He doesn't understand why he felt any guilt for his actions. She had carried on without him. He didn't feel bad about what he had done in California. He's sure she just went back to her old ways. Sex and booze. At least Dean got help for his issues.

Natalie and Makayla were standing in the driveway.

"He doesn't know you're leaving?" Makayla asked.

"No, I didn't tell him. I haven't talked to him. He's just not himself. Makayla, it's not even the addiction issues. At first, I thought it was. I am happy we went through a program before he came home, but he is not who I came here to live with. I wanted to live with my brother, not this person. Whoever he is now scares me sometimes. So, I would like to leave here before he comes home. Whoever he will be when he gets here."

Just after she said that, Dean pulled into the driveway.

"Oh shit, he's home. We need to hurry."

There was a look of panic on her face that concerned Makayla.

He parked his truck in the garage, got out, and slammed the door hard. Natalie could tell he was angry. "Well, what the hell do we have here?" he asked the girls.

Makayla was shoving Natalie's duffel bags into the car's back seat, and Natalie slammed the lid of her trunk.

"Well, big brother, you told me to find a place, so I found one. I'm going to live with Makayla."

"Come on, Natalie, this is fucking ridiculous," he said. "Get your shit out of the car and bring it back into the house... NOW."

Natalie picked up her last bag and handed it to Makayla. His tone scared her. He sounded like an abusive partner, not a loving brother.

"OK, stop, stop. You're not going anywhere. You know I was fucking with you when I told you to look for a place, both times."

"You know what, Dean? This isn't because you asked me to look for another place, joking or not; this is because I don't want to live with who you've become," she said.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who I've fucking become? Jesus fucking Christ, I can say the same about you, when did you become such a whiny little bitch?"

Natalie's face went pale. Her brother had never spoken to her that way.

"I don't get what you're fucking problem is with me," he said. "If anyone should have an issue with anyone, it should be me with you. You've treated me like shit. You've been the disrespectful one. You seem to have forgotten your place in this hierarchy."

"Natalie, get in the car." Natalie stood there for a moment. "Natalie PLEASE Get. In. The. Car Babygirl, she enunciated every word.

Natalie got into the car and shut the door. You could see that she had started crying.

"How dare you play the victim, you selfish asshole. Do you know what the fucking problem is, Dean? The fucking problem is you, whoever the fuck this is."

She waved her hand around the front of him.

"This is not Dean Carron or Dean Stapleton or whatever name you want to go by now. How about Mikey DeLuca? Do you want to go by Mikey DeLuca?" she asked.

He looked angry, "How do you know that name?"

"Dean, are you that stupid? I am a Curtis. I know shit that would curl your hair. I know while you were gone, you had people sitting vigil so God would watch over you. You had people scared every day you didn't come home. Your sister cried whenever the one-month mark came around and you weren't here. Whenever the phone rang, she would panic, thinking they were calling to give her sad news, and she still does," she said. "You have been home for a week and haven't asked me about Allie. Why is that Dean? You don't care anymore? Are you missing your life in California? Are you missing snorting thousands of dollars up your nose. Or maybe you miss sleeping with every piece of skanky ass that walked by you. I know about it all, did you think that Allie wouldn't let me read the letter? Did you really think I was not going to tell Natalie? She knows the truth, and the truth killed her. You know, the night you were going to the airport, and you stopped by Jakes because you saw Allie's car there, she knew you were there. She saw you because Alvarez pointed you out to her. Why? Because he cares enough not to be selfish about her feelings. She couldn't reach you before you left; she tried calling you, but your phone was disconnected. She tried calling Natalie, later learning that her phone was dead. Want to know what she was going to tell you before you left? Do you even care to know?"

Dean said nothing. He looked disinterested.

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. She was going to tell you how much she would miss you and what a huge mistake she made by breaking off your relationship and telling you that you were right. If she were going on deployment, she would only hope you would have been there when she returned and stayed faithful. She realized this assignment was your deployment. She admitted that she was too stubborn, too foolish, too rash, and she wasn't thinking straight," she said.

"How the hell was I supposed to know this? Maybe she shouldn't have waited until zero hour to finally tell me how she felt."

"You see, you, see? This person right here is who you are now. What would you say to her, Dean, when you walked into that bar at zero hour? Please tell me because I would love to hear it. Were you going to say that you love her and I'll be faithful to her regardless of what may be when you got home? That you were not going to hurt her?" she asked. "You know she answered your question of who you would rather have married: you or Ken. She would marry you every time, in every life she may live. You were someone she felt safe with. She could be herself. She could tell you her secrets. Now, she regrets opening up to you."

Dean stood there and said nothing.

"I would appreciate it if you would not contact her. Do not have someone else contact her for you. I know you asked Bruss to do that, but he won't. She will talk to you if and when she wants to talk to you. Personally, I hope she never speaks to you again," she said.

"You know, how am I supposed to believe that she was going to say any of that shit to me? How? I'm supposed to believe Allie Kingston sat around and waited for me and didn't return to being the little bunk bunny she was before she met me. Everybody seems to forget how we met. She picked me up in a bar for a one-night stand. Now I am supposed to believe she sat around and waited and tied a yellow ribbon around an oak tree?"

"You have no idea how bad I want to kick you in the fucking nuts right now. How can you say these things about her? She didn't return to anything. She stayed exactly who she was. She chose to be faithful to you, and from what Natalie told us, you were supposed to do the same damn thing. So, since she heard that, she knew she made the right decision," she said. "That is what you told Natalie. That you were going to remain faithful? To the best of your ability and for as long as possible?"

"Did you ever stop to think I couldn't do the same thing, that I was not in a situation to do the same thing?" he asked.

"Oh, back the truck up! Remember we read the letter, Dean. You didn't have to screw that girl. Not when you did. You chose to do that first fuck of your own free will. How many one-night stands did you have while you were there? Maybe we should be calling you the bunk bunny? So, how long did it take, a week, two weeks, or did you wait an entire month before you decided to embrace your inner slut? Was it when you started to play in the snowstorm? How much money did you waste out of curiosity? You may have gone to rehab, but I will tell you right now you are not well. You are not good enough for my best friend, and you sure as shit aren't good enough for my girlfriend. Of course, you could go back to your strung-out whore in California. Allie has gotten close to Alvarez; they are best friends. She was doing fine till you wrote her that stupid letter. You crushed her. I encouraged her to give Alex a fighting chance. He was there for her, whatever she needed. All she had to do was call him."

Dean looked like he was about to kill Makayla.

"He was there for whatever she needed? My guess is he sat around waiting for her to get drunk so he could fuck her in the back of his truck."

"No, apparently, it's you who does that. And have you not heard a single word I just said about her being faithful? Or do you not want to believe what you want to believe? She told him she was not looking to rekindle anything. She asked him to be her friend regardless of the past. As they say, friends before a relationship, friends after. Do you think she's gonna be your friend Dean? So, listen closely. You need to cut out the bullshit. You need to look inside of yourself and find your true self because whoever stands before me is not you. I suggest you take some time to do yoga and maybe see a shaman. I vote for electroshock therapy. It would be best if you got yourself back because I know for a fact when she does contact you, she's gonna need you," she finally took a breath.

She turned and got into her car. She picked up her phone and called Natalie.

"All right, baby, we're going now. Are you OK?"

"Honestly? No, I'm very much not OK," she said.

"Why don't we go get some pie?"

"And ice cream?" she asked.

"Ice cream and anything else you want."

They pulled out of the long driveway, leaving Dean in the garage slightly dumbfounded. How was he supposed to know any of that? He was mad at Natalie for telling her he chose to do everything he could to remain faithful to her. So, in his mind, it was Natalie's fault that shit was now so fucked up. He was mad at Allie for showing them the letter he thought would remain private. He was angry at himself because he started his downward spiral. He couldn't keep using the excuse that it was his job, and that's why he did everything. The saddest thing he could think about is how much he would love to do a line right now. He decided on whisky instead.