Lame

After dragging Robin away from the bar counter, the four began making their way across the late-night city of New York. It didn't help that Lily's phone would lose signal every few blocks, making what should have been an hour of travel seem much longer. The night air was chilly, despite it still being midspring. Just as it felt like they weren't getting any closer to finding their friend, Ted spoke as he looked down at his watch.

"Look, it's almost 2 am. I think we should call it a night, let's just ask Barney when we see him."

"Yeah, IF we see him. It's been almost two weeks since anyone's heard from him and look! We're so close, just around this corner-shoot I lost the signal!" Lily, too focused on her phone, refused to acknowledge her friend's warning.

"Uh guys, it's Lame..."

"Yes Robin, Ted already said it's late but if we don't try and find him and something bad did happen, I know I'd just feel so-"

As Lily was on the verge of a manic breakdown, Marshall ever so gently pushed her phone down, away from her face, and points at the brightly lit neon sign hanging up in front of them.

"No Lilypad, it's Lame, the gay bar..."

Taking one last glance, she sees the red dot flash in and out on her phone's screen, it confirms where Barney is.

"He's inside. Alright, let's go!" Lily affirms as she walks through the door, hand in hand with Marshall.

Seeing the two rush to enter the club, Ted and Robin follow close behind.

***

Inside the building was what they expected. Club music was playing so loud you could barely hear yourself think, sweaty and handsome shirtless men dancing eroticly on the dance floor and those who weren't dancing were drinking martinis and fruity drinks by the bar station or at surrounding tables. The lights weren't overly dim but it was still difficult to tell whose who unless on the dance floor, where it seemed all the building's lighting was aimed to make that area the spotlight. However, the four of them weren't focused on the hot guys making out and grinding on each other or the delicious-looking drinks, or some of the single ladies who came for a little escape from straight men.

"Wait, wait! We need to focus! How are we going to find Barney? This place is packed!?" Lily yelled, trying to regroup her friends on why they came in the first place.

Then as Robin pried her eyes away from a couple making out, her eyes landed on an unbelievable sight. Frantically, she pats Lily's shoulder repeatedly, like a child showing their mom something interesting.

"Guys..."

"No Robin! We really need you to pay attention, now I think if we split into boy-girl groups to cover more ground we can-"

"I found Barney..."

Cutting off Lily, Robin points in the direction of the dance floor. Her face froze with eyes wide open. There, two muscular men with their shirts off were dancing and grinding, and in the middle of their grind was a blond man wearing booty jean shorts and a white loose tank top. A gold earring hangs off his right ear, eyeliner semi-smeared and his sultry eyes glancing from the man in front of him to the man behind him until finally, he starts making out with the front man. The blonde snakes his arm around the neck of the man he's kissing, meanwhile his other arm wraps behind, to around the neck of the man behind him. The guy in front started groping the blonde's chest while the one behind begins leaving kisses on Barney's neck while his hands starts fondling Barney's waist.

The group was stunned, not one of them could make a noise. However, that wasn't the same for another group of four people standing close by at a small table. As soon as the blonde kissed the man, half of the said group cheered, and the other half groaned dishearteningly.

"Ha! Pay up, sucka!" A short redhead yells triumphantly, she slams her hand hard on the table. She wore a red flannel over a black tee shirt with a skull printed on it.

"Damn it! What's wrong with the guy behind? He's totally Barney's type!" Spoke a tall woman who stood next to said redhead, her hand reaching into her purse. Though she was kinda muscular, she had on a pretty floral sun dress with spaghetti straps, her arm interlocked with the shorter redhead.

The strikingly handsome man across from her put down his drink and joked "Nah, it's gotta be a small dick, you can tell a dick size by how the person grinds."

His hat made it clear he was pro-guns, but that didn't take away from a sort of bad boy charm he had about him. The leather jacket might have been what helped emphasize it, his after-shave also contributed to the persona as well.

Next to him, another man with fluff and almost purposely messy hair downs his drink and then reaches into his jeans pocket, his fake glasses nearly falling off in the process. "Anyway here's your money, also interesting fact about grinding-"

"Uh hi, excuse me."

"Oh thank god someone actually interesting, what's up sweetheart?" The redhead asks Lily.

"The person you were betting on, is his name Barney Stinson?" Lily asked hoping to be wrong, to have mistaken that man for someone else and they'd all laugh about this whole misunderstanding and leave to go back to their familiar bar and tell Barney this whole funny story, at least that was where her mind was going.

"Oh, honey. Did he sleep with your man? Sorry, but your man might have been gay from the start, Barney didn't have anything-"

Robin cuts in harshly "No, no what she means is we're trying to find our friend. His name is Barney Stinson but obviously, we got the wrong guy cause he's clearly not wearing a suit so it's not him! Ok guys, let's go home and-"

"Hey guys! I'm back and guess who got a smoking hot guy's number, that's right! Barney Stinson did! Slap it like he's gonna slap my ah-"

There was no mistaking it now. His voice, his demeanor, the way he has the worst timing. It was Barney, but it wasn't their Barney. Everyone was silent as they stood there, not knowing what to say until finally the redhead spoke.

"Barney, do you know these people? They say they're your friends."

Barney, taking a moment to grasp the situation, started fidgeting with the napkin containing a guy's number in his hands. It was clear how uncomfortable he felt. Just as he was about to speak, the music got louder making it impossible to hear anyone once again.

"LET'S GO OUTSIDE!"

Barney screams as he mimes for the nine of them to leave. An obvious ploy to buy himself more time however no one objected. The four people already in the club go to close their tab before all nine of them make their way across the club into the chilling night outdoors.

***

After the last of the two friend groups made their way out, the air felt tense as everyone waited for Barney to speak. There were no cars on the streets much less any other person's than the nine who stood outside the closed doors. Some faint distance noises of seemingly random city noises could be heard and the city lights outshone the full moon as no stars could be seen in the night sky. After what felt like minutes, Barney awkwardly asked;

"...Hey guys... How's it going?"

Lily, after dragging her friends across the city and worrying and stressing all night, couldn't hold it any longer. She was pissed! "That's what you have to say to us? You didn't contact any of us for 2 weeks, Barney! And when we try and look for you, thinking the worst happened, you're here with another group of friends at a gay bar! Barney, what the hell is going on? Don't you think you should explain yourself, mister? Why, I have half a mind to call your mother!..."

Though Lily was going into her kindergarten teacher lecturing mode, no one stopped her. What she was saying was mostly what they all were thinking. What the hell was going on with Barney? Was this a new play for his playbook? Who are these new friends they've never heard about before? Why was he in a gay bar? And... Was he just making out with another guy?