Dream Team

After drinking excessively for two days straight, Ted decided he needed a break from the bar. Meanwhile, Lily, Marshall, and Robin sat around their booth waiting for Barney to show up. Marshall, having recovered faster than Ted, began the conversation:

"So wait, what exactly did you tell Barney then?"

"I just told him, Ted drank so much he passed out at his door. Why would I tell Barney to help Ted when he can't even help himself?"

It was a valid opinion that everyone shared. However that just raised another question, why did Barney go over to help? As they are silently pondering this, Barney walks in and takes his place next to Robin.

"What's everyone talking about; me I assume. Wait where's Ted?"

Lily, ignoring how right he was with his answer to the first question, answers his second. 

"Oh, Ted's not feeling well so he's not coming. Look we ordered hot wings!"

"Ted's not coming... Was it something I said?"

Barney looked at them accusingly but his voice gave away how insecure he felt. Marshall jumps in, overcompensating as he tries to reassure his friend. 

"No, no... well..."

"Marshall!" Robin stops Marshall from completing the complicated mess he was going to make. 

"I'm sorry Robin, but it's the only thing that makes sense!" 

"Oh my God, no, it's not! But you know what: it's none of my business. I need a stronger drink! Lily come with me!"

Robin says aggressively as she and Lily get up to leave, Barney takes the spot next to Marshall and leans in closer.

"Wha-wha-what do you mean by that? What's going on, Marshall?"

Marshall looked on as Lily left, his throat felt dry and his hands began to clamp up. While he really wanted to share what he'd just learned the other night, he really wasn't comfortable lying to a friend, even if that friend was Barney… He deserved to know. 

"I think... Ted is homophobic..." He finally squeaks out, avoiding Barney's eyes and playing with his beer bottle.

"...Heh, what? No way, Ted is so not homophobic! Come on, Marshall."

Unable to take the pressure any longer, Marshall looks Barney straight in his eyes and explains his reasoning.

"Barney, he only drinks excessively whenever you're picking up guys, he can't even look at you when you have your earring in and he barely speaks to you when we're all hanging out. I'm sorry to tell you this Barney but I really think Ted might be...-"

"No, no. Not Ted! I-I know what the problem is!"

Marshall looked at him with doubtful eyes, in an empathetic voice he muttered a small:

"What?"

"Heh it's easy, Ted hasn't gotten laid! I've been so busy with my newfound playing field that I've neglected to help Ted pick up chicks! Duh, Marshall, pssh I can't believe you'd think something like that of Ted, I thought you two were friends."

"Barney, I really don't think-"

"Hey, whatcha boys talking bout?"

Marshall was caught off guard. He didn't want their conversation to be heard by Robin much less Lily as they didn't believe what he said either. But they didn't see the signs, they refused to see the truth. Thus he chose to diverte. 

"Wha-uh nothing!"

"I'm gonna get Ted laid!"

Barney declared, Marshall stayed quiet, this was a good distraction. Robin and Lily stood there, drinks in hand, flabbergasted. What the hell happened in the few minutes that they've been gone?

***

As the weekend was coming around, Ted made every excuse in the book to avoid hanging out with Barney. Even as Barney showed up at his job, Ted still managed to avoid talking with him by using the large secretary as a blind spot. 

Even through all this, Ted knew he couldn't avoid Barney forever. He honestly didn't want to, it's just... not the right time. However, that didn't matter once the weekend finally arrived. While Ted could avoid Barney for a while longer, he'd have to avoid his other friends as well and he couldn't bear to do that. So once he entered MacLaren's bar and saw his friends but no Barney, Ted breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Hey guys, you would not believe the week I've had."

"Uh-huh, did that include avoiding Barney like an ex-girlfriend?"

Ted's heart skipped a beat when Robin mentioned 'girlfriend'. It shouldn't affect him so much, but it did! As Ted sat down next to Robin, he began ripping the label off her bottle while his beer was on its way. 

"Ted, what is going on with you and Barney? I haven't seen you two talk in a while much less get up to your usual shenanigans. What did he do this time?"

Lily, with a look of concern, leaned forward, her hands clasping Marshall's on top of the table. Even she worried about their friendship with Barney, would they have to exclude him too?

"It's nothing, guys! Come on, I've just been really busy, alright. My boss is riding my ass on this new project and I just can't always hang out with Barney... look I'll make it up to him tonight. Wh-when is he coming?"

"Ted!"

"He's already here, just went to the bathroom..."

Lily knew Ted would try to run from Barney again, she planned to have Barney leave before Ted came. It went perfectly, now for phase 2. If this didn't work, she'd have to take drastic measures. 

"Oh! Sorry, Ted, I completely forgot Robin, Marshall, and I have a...thing to go to, right this second! Come on!"

"What? But Lily, I just ordered hot wings"

Marshall protested, partly afraid of what would happen when Ted and Barney were left alone, also he really wanted those wings. Lily just gave him a tough look until Robin came in with the backup.

"Hey Marshall wanna tell me about that football guy who almost won that super game or whatever?"

Robin, picking up on what Lily was doing, decided to help although she didn't approve of her half-baked plan, it was better than nothing. Plus, she knew Ted needed to work through this if they ever hoped to have their beers safely around him. Marshall started ranting and raving as he was led out the doors, oblivious to the girl's actual intentions. Ted just looked as their friends left him with Barney sitting across from him where Marshall and Lily once were. It was almost like they were on a date-no! Not date! This is too much!

"...so... I think I'm gonna call it a night"

"No, don't!"

As Ted was getting up to leave, Barney reached a hand to hold onto Ted's hand. A rush of adrenaline courses through Ted, immediately, he feels hot like his hands have been burned, and his face blushes. He quickly snatches away his hand and rubs it, like it's been hurt. Barney tries to ignore it, I mean, there's just no way Ted is homophobic! There's just no way... He was probably just surprised! Yeah...

"Ted, I-I know I've kinda left you hanging in the bar scene so I'm gonna make it up to you! We are gonna pull off wait for it...the Missus Direction! It's gonna be legen-wait for it...dary!"

Ted was focusing on his hand, continuing to rub it. Half paying attention to Barney talking and half wishing they could've held hands longer.

"Ted, we are gonna be "The Dream Team"! It'll just be like old times! I used to pull this play off with my brother, shout out to James, oh! And I already scouted the perfect couple!"

Across the bar was an attractive blonde with a slim waist and wearing a crop top, showing off her deep cleavage. Next to her was an equally attractive man, with nice broad shoulders wearing a baseball cap backwards and a tank top with an open button shirt. Both stood close together enough but didn't touch and were facing away from each other. As Barney brought this couple to Ted's attention, he realized what Barney planned to do.

"Barney I don't think-"

"Ok, here's the play, I'll distract the guy while you get the girl's number!"

"Barney! We are not breaking up a couple just for a girl's number!"

"Oh please Ted, their on the verge of a breakup, might as well get something from it."

Barney spoke nonchalantly, as he took a sip from his glass of scotch. As he continued to observe the couple, Ted used that time to look at Barney, taking in how his adams apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed his drink. It looked delicious… The…Drink… Did… Shit, he needed to say something!

"A-ah, H-How could you possibly know that?"

Suddenly, Barney got very serious, it surprised Ted and he thought maybe Barney might have some informant of some kind. Something top secret that only he and Ted would know about. A shared secret with Barney… God it made his heart race!

"Notice how the moment they walked in, they haven't looked at each other. They barely touched one another yet they still stand together and the guy's been staring at Carl this whole time, which yeah Carl's hot but bad move to get with the barkeep. They've been here just long enough for the girl to have more than a few drinks, if we play this right, you can have her number and I can take that hottie home after he gets dumped, of course."

"No Barney we-"

Just before Ted could protest anymore, Barney grabbed Ted's arm and pulled him towards the direction of the couple. Because of the amount of people crowding the place, they had to move very closely. Ted began to blush once more, he wanted to escape but he also never wanted their walk to end. Just before he could decide what he wanted, they were already in front of the couple. Barney pushed Ted forward in front of himself and played his favorite game:

"Hi, haaave you met Ted?"

"Hi? Heh I'm Vikki with an 'i'"

"Hi, I'm...well Ted heh"

An awkward beginning but nothing new for Ted. Just as he was getting ready to continue speaking, Ted felt an emptiness by his side. He realized Barney had let him go and was now speaking to the boyfriend. Ted got a better look and saw Barney had at one point put on his earring, his necktie was loose and only one button was undone. Still, he looked amazing, that was until Barney started talking in a hushed tone. Even though Ted couldn't hear what he was saying, it was clear he was all giggles and smiles. As the girl started talking, swaying as she spoke in a suggestive manner equally all smiles and giggles, Ted barely paid attention. He gave slight nods and those awkward smiles you give when you miss what the other person said and don't want to keep repeatedly asking "What?". Just then, Barney got in really close to the man, touching the guy's arms and chest, and Ted felt an intense anger rise instantly. Though he wanted to get between them, his body remained motionless as he just stared at them getting close. Vikki, finally noticing that Ted wasn't listening to her, followed his line of sight.

"Oh my God, Micheal! Again?! You said you wouldn't do this anymore! Ugh!"

In a burst of anger, Vikki shouted then stormed out of the bar. The man, startled at first, was now full of worry as he quickly left Barney's side to chase after her. Barney was all smiles as he watched Micheal leave, sure Micheal was cute but Barney didn't feel like it was a loss if he didn't snatch him up. Plus tonight wasn't solely about him… for now.

"Ah, damn. Well, that's fine, he was like a 6. So, did you get her number?"

Ted just looked at Barney, who, after the guy left, stepped a bit closer. Maybe a bit too close...Ted could clearly see those pretty blue eyes, that confident smile, the way his lips kinda curved up making him seem mischievous yet cute, and god that lickable neck that led to his exposed collar bone... oh god... 

'Oh my god... I like Barney...'

"No..."

"What?! Well, I guess it has been a while since you've picked up a girl. Don't worry Teddy, with my help we'll get you laid in- wait where're you going?"

Ted rushes out the doors before Barney can finish. He knew it would just lead to Barney stating how he'll be the best wingman for him, how with his help he'll get Ted laid with a beautiful girl. But that's not what Ted wanted to hear right now. No, he didn't want to hear Barney talk about getting Ted to be with someone else. Damn, he needs a drink right now. So much for "The Dream Team".