088. Please Don’t Attack Me!

Think carefully. Stay calm. There has to be a rational explanation.

Why had Kaguya Shinomiya, of all people, suddenly asked him, "President, you prefer to wear boxer briefs, right?"

This wasn't something you casually discussed with the opposite sex. It wasn't even appropriate for close friends, let alone in a professional setting like the student council room! There were boundaries, weren't there? Or had he been transported into some parallel universe where common sense no longer applied?

Wait a second. Could it be… had Kaguya noticed?

Was she testing him?

Natsukawa Kanade stiffened in his chair, his brain racing. He had been so careful. The "situation" had been perfectly concealed all day—or so he thought. Even his classmates, not the most observant bunch, hadn't picked up on anything unusual. So how could Kaguya have figured it out? Was it some sixth sense unique to her?

No... it had to be someone else. Fujiwara Chika, maybe? She was sharp in her own chaotic way. But then again, Fujiwara had seemed blissfully oblivious during morning assembly. That ruled her out.

Then who else could have told her?

Kanade's gaze drifted toward Iino Miko, who sat awkwardly on the sofa. She looked jittery, her hands fidgeting as though she were trying to remain invisible. Suspicious. Could Iino have accidentally let something slip? Though she was serious and uptight, even she wasn't immune to an unintentional blunder.

Kanade's suspicions deepened. Iino wasn't just listening to the conversation; she seemed actively shaken by it. Her wide, darting eyes betrayed her unease. That was it—she had to be the source.

He cleared his throat, desperately trying to mask the growing panic in his voice. "Well, uh, how should I put this...?" He began hesitantly. "These sorts of things, you know, they really depend on personal preference, right? Some people like briefs, some prefer boxers, and, uh, others might not wear anything at all…! Of course, that could also just be due to, um, special circumstances. Yeah, it's not necessarily a choice!"

What am I even saying?!

The words tumbled out before he could stop them, spiraling into a nonsensical explanation that only made things worse. His face burned as the shame of his "secret" loomed larger in his mind. Instead of offering a rational excuse, he'd somehow painted himself as someone who might, on occasion, choose to go commando.

Kaguya blinked, momentarily stunned by his bizarre answer. But just as quickly, a flicker of disappointment crossed her face.

What a letdown!

Her plan had been meticulously crafted. A series of innocuous questions designed to lower Kanade's guard, sprinkled casually into their usual work routine. She had been this close to cornering him and extracting the truth. But just as the finishing blow was within reach, he had managed to outmaneuver her yet again.

Why does he have to be so smart? Kaguya fumed internally. It's so much more endearing to be a little stupid at the right moments!

Still, she wasn't about to let this slip through her fingers. If Kanade wanted to play coy, she'd simply have to up the ante.

Placing a hand gently against her cheek, Kaguya straightened her posture, her expression the epitome of calm. This was the "forced calm mode" she'd recently perfected—a surefire way to mask her emotions and maintain composure, no matter how absurd the situation. Of course, the drawback was that all the emotions she suppressed now would come rushing back with double the intensity later. But that was a problem for future Kaguya.

"So," she began, her voice smooth and measured, "what about the president? Is he more of a boxer shorts kind of person?"

Kanade felt the words hit him like a direct attack. His composure wavered. He had underestimated her resolve, and now she was going in for the kill.

He stole another glance at Iino, hoping for some kind of intervention, only to find her perched precariously on the sofa. She had turned completely around, gripping the backrest with both hands, her head barely peeking over as she watched the exchange unfold like a live drama.

There would be no help from that corner.

"As for me..." Kanade exhaled sharply, resigning himself to his fate. "I'd say I prefer boxer briefs."

The words felt heavy, like a confession dragged out under duress. He forced himself to maintain a nonchalant demeanor, as though this were an entirely normal topic of conversation between friends.

Kaguya's eyes narrowed slightly, her sharp intellect parsing his words for hidden meanings. Her curiosity remained unsatisfied, but she couldn't push any further without tipping her hand.

Meanwhile, Kanade silently thanked every deity he could think of that Kaguya hadn't asked the ultimate question: "Why aren't you wearing anything right now?"

For now, he had dodged the proverbial bullet. But he couldn't shake the feeling that this was only the beginning.

=======

But his relief was short-lived.

"I prefer... boxers..." Kaguya murmured softly, her voice distant yet thoughtful. She repeated it as though confirming something to herself.

And then, her expression darkened.

A storm brewed behind her crimson eyes as her thoughts spiraled into chaotic conclusions. The chain of logic in her mind clicked into place: wearing boxer shorts = promiscuity; liking boxer shorts = enjoying promiscuity; the president likes boxer shorts = the president is... promiscuous?!

Kaguya gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in utter betrayal. "President... you bastard! I misjudged you!"

"Huh?!" Kanade's eyes widened in disbelief.

"I trusted you! I believed in you!" Kaguya's voice cracked, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "And yet, you... you turned out to be such a... such a... vile degenerate!"

"Wha—?!" Kanade's jaw dropped as he stared at Kaguya in abject confusion.

Before he could even think to respond, Kaguya turned on her heel and bolted out of the student council room, leaving a bewildered Kanade in her wake.

Kanade sat frozen in his chair, struggling to process what had just happened. Vile degenerate? What is she even talking about?!

All he had done was answer her question. Was it wrong to prefer boxers? They were practical, comfortable, and didn't get awkwardly stuck. He hadn't even gone into detail! What sort of strange mental gymnastics had Kaguya Shinomiya performed to arrive at such a ridiculous conclusion?

Unfortunately, Kaguya wasn't the only witness.

Kanade turned toward Iino Miko, who was still perched on the sofa. Her expression was even stranger than Kaguya's. Her eyes were blank, and her lips quivered as she muttered nonsensically.

"The president is a slut... Shinomiya-senpai was betrayed by a scumbag... I'm next, aren't I?!"

Kanade stood abruptly, alarmed. "Iino-san, wait! It's not what you think!"

"No! Don't come near me!" Iino shrieked, leaping off the sofa as though he'd turned into some kind of predator.

Kanade froze mid-step, his hands raised in surrender. "Iino-san, listen—"

"I didn't hear anything!" she cried, stumbling backward. "I don't know anything! Please, President, don't arrest me!"

"What?!" Kanade's mind reeled.

Her panic only escalated. "I'm not tall! I'm not pretty! I don't have any curves! I can't do those weird poses you see in manga!"

"Wait—what are you even talking about?!" Kanade was losing his grip on the situation.

"And more than that!" Iino continued, her voice trembling. "I'm terrible at keeping secrets! Even if you threaten me, I might slip up one day and tell someone! So please, President, don't attack me!"

By now, her pupils were darting wildly, her entire body trembling as though she were bracing for the worst. It was as if her overactive imagination had taken every crime drama and scandal manga she'd ever read and mashed them into a singular, horrifying narrative.

Then, like a frightened rabbit, she bolted.

"Iino-san! Wait! You've misunderstood!" Kanade called after her, but it was too late.

Iino had already fled the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway.

Kanade sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. First Kaguya, now Iino. What had he done to deserve this? All he wanted was a quiet, uneventful day, but fate—and apparently boxer briefs—had other plans.

As he sat back down, the student council room now eerily quiet, he couldn't help but wonder: How did it all come to this?