Page 9: A Glimpse of hope

"Kensalin?"

"That junior high school on Fairl Street."

"Yeah."

"Your name is Ryan? Ryan Smith?"

"Yeah."

For a moment, there was silence between us. He was looking at me, and I was staring at him. This time, I really wanted to keep staring at him, hoping to find a sign of recognition in his simple face. But there was nothing. There was just a simple man standing in front of me, a simple taxi driver.

After a while, he smiled at me, "It seems like you don't recognize me. Well, you're right. A guy who always sat in the corner of the class and buried his head in books isn't someone who stays in people's minds."

I didn't really care if he sat in the corner of the class or not. If he was a bookworm or a fool. At that moment, that person was like a blank canvas for me to paint on.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you."

"I'm Valler. We were in junior high together for three years. You didn't talk to me much, but I remember you. You still look the same. Just a little... how should I say it, you have a beard, which I didn't think you'd ever grow!"

Did this guy always talk so bluntly? How come he couldn't make any friends back then?

His behavior was really strange to me. Someone who didn't talk to me much and was practically a stranger was trying to talk to me after so many years. It doesn't matter. I have to go. I have to find a place to stay, otherwise I'll have to sleep in a park. Damn it. I really don't want to be humiliated like that.

While I was trying to control the war in my mind, I heard another man's voice from behind me. "This damn vendor, I bought a drink from him and it drained all the water from my body. I hope I'm not poisoned."

Valler turned away from me and said to the man, "Hey John! I told you to take a few minutes and go to the store down the street to get a drink, you didn't listen to me."

That was the man I was looking for. I had to ask him about the hotel, but... but I think things could be better. What if I asked this young man to let me stay at his place or somewhere else tonight? After all, he considers himself my friend, calling me by my name and reminiscing about the past.

But what if I tell him he'll think I'm homeless? Do I have to tell him I was in prison for three years?

A world of ifs and cautious, or rather paranoid, predictions came to me. I had two options. Either I could tell John that with this amount of money, I could get a room in a hotel, or I could tell Valler to let me sleep at his place for one night.

Both options meant exposing my misery. Showing my humiliation. And I really hate that. But if I have to be humiliated in front of someone, at least let it be someone from my past who might understand.

What am I thinking? I just met Valler. He's neither my friend nor my classmate anymore. But I can pretend to be his friend. And if he does the things that are worrying me, it doesn't matter; he's just like the rest of people.

I decided to trust my gut and forget about that older taxi driver for now. I walked over to Valler's taxi and after a long pause, I said, 'Now that I think about it, I think I remember you. After all, we were classmates for three years.'

'Really? That's awesome!' He was such a straightforward guy.

'I... well, I kind of need a favor. I've been looking for a place to crash for just tonight. I was going to get a hotel room, but...'

'So that's why you were asking for John, huh?'

I gave a cold smile and instead of looking into his eyes, I saw my own reflection in the car window. In that moment, I realized once again how depressed I looked. Even that smile felt forced, because I didn't want people to know what I'd been through.

Valler continued, 'If you really need a place to stay, I can help. My main place isn't here, but, you know, it's a long story. I come to the city to work for a few days and for those days, I rent a small apartment.'

I was so relieved. I never thought I'd run into an old classmate I barely knew who would offer me a place to stay. I made the right choice. I trusted him. I wouldn't have to pay anything, and I could even ask him for more help later.

Those thoughts again...

Ryan, are you really asking someone for help? What if they find out you were in prison for three years? They'll kick you out. You'll just end up more depressed. Forget it. Just spend the money and get a hotel.

I clenched my teeth, looked down, and took a deep breath. I was feeling so much pressure. For someone like me who always dreamed of being independent and successful, asking for help felt humiliating. It was torture.

Just relax, Ryan. You said what you shouldn't have. He agreed. Now, just go with the flow. How often does someone like you get lucky like this? You have no choice, Ryan, just take this opportunity.

Valler said in a concerned tone, 'Are you alright? Do you feel okay?'

I forced a smile and looked at him, 'Yeah, I'm fine. I'm okay with what you said. As long as you're okay with it.'

He laughed, 'Why are you making such a big deal out of it? If I had a problem, I'd just say no. Besides, I'm always alone when I come to the city. I can keep you company tonight.'

His words were like a relief, a pain reliever. I wanted to know more about him.

Still smiling, he said, 'So, what do you want to do now? Want to grab a coffee?'