chapter 5

Chapter 5

These same questions lingered in the back of his head as the day dragged on for he had now been sested in his fathers car, the radio fogged as only the meere background as ronin let the stranger in his head in, the stranger that would tell all the stories he could act as if he hadn't lived, said, acted, for these are what his head run on, the thoughts that evoke him one moment and befriend him the next.

The front of his head was mostly chaotic and abrupt. And it would've gotten louder if not for his father's attempt at conversation, "how was your first day?" he stated, completely lacking the tone of a question, as well as eye contact.

Ronin looked at his father's concentrated face, holding his eyebrows in a scrunched wrinkle above his eyes.

"It was fine," Ronin responded, trying to state it like his father, a behavior he hadn't realized he had grappled with.

The poor conversation had ended quickly as a rather big building painted itself outside his window.

Ronin's fists clenched as he exited the car, following his father to the door; a large sign gleamed on the brick walls highlighting the words, he had grown seemingly weak after the therapeutic environment made his feel pathetic.

entering the building, which soon reeked of others' problems.

He stood shoving his hands in the cold jacket that covered his inner fear, it had found a way out through his jumpy eyes and hypervigilant appease. He could hear every word his father said to the secretary, two times over and louder as he kept talking.

His fathers once strong stature melted as they made it further into the building, he could tell his discomfort like the words of a book they read across his fathers scrunched face.

following that same cowering figure down the hall of the building; its walls were clean as if they attempted to hide the greasy, dirty words that lay behind them.

A steep staircase and a tight right turn that the carpet pattern failed to follow had led him to an awaiting spruce door. With a pat on Ronin's sweaty back and a word or two, his father vanished from the small hall, his afraid presence leaving with him.

Upon entering the room, Ronin was met with a tall woman, her smile attempted to match her height as it stretched across her face. She greeted him with a slow handshake and an introduction, she led Ronin into the seat almost centered in the room, his eyes traced the off yellow walls that followed in an orderly pattern that almost inspired the actions he'd prepared from the lines of the wall to the desk he watched as she sat down with an extra positive attitude he couldn't understand, nor the continued smile that seemed to get bigger as he returned her introduction, his rather frantic eyes read the label on her desk "Mrs. Camble" he read ultimately insulted as he had to read it again before he fully understood it.

Her eyes examined Ronins shooting eyes, his nervous body language and the stress that printed on his face, "did your father want to join us?" She asked immediately turned down as ronin's voice sounded in a rough fast skid "no" his voice was stern as if he were protecting his fathers real struggle, the struggle only he knew.

"Ok then I think we'll get started" she assured him gently with another smile, " so Ronin how about you tell me a little about yourself" she asked awaiting his response that came slowly and hesitant, he had only started the things noticably on the outside afraid to show what tore him from inside.

She nodded to his response acceptingly, he could only watch as her mouth began to move as a other question escaped it, "and whats going on, why are you here today?" She looked intently at him, her eyes came to a lagged pause as they lowered somberly for Ronins leaned over his seat, anxiously finding his nails in his mouth, his eyes struggled to settle on one thing, as if her voice had come from every direction, spilled from the lights on the ceiling as it pasted its haze over them.

"I-i can't do this" he admitted rubbing his foot agaithe ground roughly, "nothing I do here is gonna fix it" he sat up front he chair now looked over the desk that uad sepeated them. She held a glance at him before touching the pen to her cheek, "what do you think I'm trying to fix" she asked with a perked eyebrow.

Ronin could only look down at her in a fight between the door and the chair, "Ronin, why didn't your father want to come in" she asked suddenly catching his attention in a swift turn of his face.

"None of your damn business" Ronins voice growled back at her, suddenly hitting a high pitch his face flushed red and his legs trembled underneath his jeans, for the anger that spun in his head had cut its way out.

The harsh words Ronin didn't own anymore, they could only mock his humility as they begin to cut through him again seeking a way out, his eyes grew wide with a fear, gripping his stomach a small streak ran down his cheek.

Her eyes grew surprised as ronin began to speak, not to her but a distant place, yet his words trailed quickly as he knew just what to say. He knew this place he was talking to, he cussed harshly before acting as if the room had faded, leaving him with the only one he could predict the movement of and yet was still surprised with each doubt he responded with.

She could only listen in on the conversation he'd thought was private, she had written each word down quickly in a swift movement, until Ronin had his a wall sharply the flat words spiked out of his mouth,

"that's why she left ronin, and he'll do the same"

Ronins rough nails snagged across the fabric with the pockets his hands hand confined to in order to hide his trembling fear, or anger, he couldn't decide.

"Oh fuck you said to too much" his voice cracked as he met Mrs cambles calm face, his hand placed itself over his mouth tightly.

"No you didn't, it's ok Ronin" she insisted eager for him to let her in, "no no, I definitely said to much" he turned around jerking his upper half as he restorted to the walls of the room,

She stood up circling around the desk in order follow the unpredictable path Ronin would take, "why am I so damn stupid, you can never tell when it's too much" his voice grew shakey as more of his past erote itself for her.

"You should've known she would have to go, did you really think that's how a mom would act, how were you so fucking blind" for nor he spat in a bitter truth he'd denied, "no that was too far, I didn't say you could do that, take it back, take it back" the shaking failed to support what kind of dicernment he was trying to protray.

Ronin stood still in the same place, shivering in his own words, his own truth, only spelt in a way that would hurt him.

She held her eyes on Ronins back processing the words that built up his stature, and yet pushed it down at the same time, like a tiemline it pathed the clutter of thoughts into one perspective point, the middle of the peice that string out over what it became, for it was only clear this marker had been uncentered as the rest of the peice was painted without proportions, not a sturdy line could cart the thick paint that dripped over it, unfinished and poor ronin stood, his body swayed subtly under the weight that stacked over him.

This was Ronin.