chapter 21

Chapter 21

It was an early morning today, hed remembered it that way last week as well, or maybe the week before. He knew why it was like that, he was worried.

For Ronin knew what he looked like to his father, the spitting image of her, a slow drool covering him over the time he thought about it, and the time he acted it.

The cold car ride brought them to building he began to memorize, the coversations as well as the halls that led through them, the doors he'd opened and the ones he'd marked to do next, at each ending of the hallway would be a door he hadn't opened, couldn't.

It was in front of a door her been through that he stopped, looking back at his father who'd grown colder, Weaker, scared as they walked deeper.

"Do I scare you?" Ronin said slowly scratching the inside of his pockets with his rough nails snagging on his jeans as he watched him glance the halls again before denying quickly and gesturing him to the door.

Ronins eyes had locked on his, the rest of the hall had disappeared as his father adjusted his posture trying to decide on a position for his hands.

Ronin repeated his words again,

This time faster.

Raising a hand to the back of his neck he looked down at Ronin picking a facial expression, "no Ronin, I'm not scared of you. Now cmon your gonna be late" he insisted gently as he took a step towards the door a hand on Ronins shoulder before he shook it off.

"Do I scare you" Ronin repeated again this time harder, filled with an anger he'd supresed, repressed, and finally expressed.

"For the last time No" his father insisted before meeting ronin's eyes again, his voice had only just begun to speak again before he'd pushed Ronin to the door, "ok time to go Ronin" his voice began to grow wimp with each repetition, it was then that Ronins fists had clenched like his jaw preparing for what he would say next. Reciting in his head and fighting his fathers push, with a a firm hand he'd tooken his off his shoulder.

"Are you scared of me" Ronins voice growled louder this time as he watched a hesitant step backwards on his heavy boots, before he could talk Ronin had wrapped himself around his waist, "are you fucking scared of me!" He pushed him backwards onto his heel before being pushed off, his eyes grew wide as his father figure hitched and twitched before his long arm grabbed Ronins shirt, "shut your fucking mouth, I'm not scared" he growled watching as ronins lio began to quiver before his eyebrows did the same until trapped in a scrunch. "I remind you of her don't I, don't I" Ronins voice had just begun repeating the same thing over and over again, building in his father's mind, each time had opened a new door in his own mind. It was then that he opened a door to a room he hadn't cleaned, it was then that the same arm pushed Ronin again with a wobbling attempt at words, he ran Ronin into the wall within a grip of his shirt and the breathing through his teeth.

He could still hear Ronins voice, when he screamed louder with wide eyes as the door hit Ronins pale face, "stop it, oh God stop it" he had begun to plee before Ronin got faster and louder, spitting back at his father until his large fist had whipped Ronin head to the side as he hit the wall, and eventually the floor, bleeding over the grey carpet ronin's shaking hand hovered over his lip, prickling the skin as he looked at the color.

A voice echoed down the hall, Ronin rolled trying to desifer it in the ringing he'd felt throughout his head, he'd gripped his lip as his father stretched the ring of his shirt as he tried to get him to his feet in a panic.

Mrs camble had ushered them inside her office trying to speak over their voices as ronin ran right in training to meet his father with a face of anger, his voice spiking as his mouth stretched with the heavy words he screamed.

Watching to make sure his father would do it too their voices filled the room.

Mrs camble stumbled to her desk behind his father large figure, slipping into her chair with a hesitant lip as she held her words for maybe what they would say would benefit more than anything she could.

And anything she would.

"don't think I couldn't see through your fake smile" Ronins nose scrunched as his hand met the back of his head as he'd begun to pace between the wall and the desk, preparing the next shots he'd fire.

"Don't raise your voice at me Ronin, you think it's easy for me" he'd argued back with arched eyebrows and a hunched stand, tense with the future he knew he was creating. "I went through years more than-

"Shut your fucking mouth. Ronin yelled snaring his yellow teeth

"If I'm too young to understand, than Mom was too old to quit. You have no idea what it was like"

"How could you, how would you if you never tried.

If you can inch of effort into a relationship with me, if you had been a father to me. Maybe things would be different" his lip quivered and his words filled with the spit that formed them.

"Ronin your touching something you shouldn't, I did my very best" he barely got though before Ronin began to speak again only pissing as his father stepped forward, "you have no idea what I was going through, no idea what it was like for me"

He'd screamed gripping the chair next to him.

"You know you weren't good at hiding it, think I didn't couldn't hear you at night, in the kitchen.

"10:00pm you'd sneak downstairs after eating dinner in your room. You'd open the fridge and do the same as her"

His fathers eyes widened at the finger he pointed.

"The same as her, the same" he'd shoved the chair into the table with a slam, "the fucking same" he said louder slamming the chair with each word he repeated over and over.

Each time Ronin would flinch as he distanced himself from him, the sound ringing in his ears, bouncing off the walls with his shadow.

"What about you Ronin, look at yourself, your fucking mental"

"Just like her"

Clenching his jaw in a sweat he pushed the chair over before storming out of the room Mrs cambles distant voice only a mumble before he'd slammed the door behind him shaking the room.

She'd turned around watching as ronin had shrunk to the ground his finger him his mouth and a hand on his ear.

She'd come closer kneeling on the floor in front of him, his face soaked with the spit that ran from his mouth. And the tears that cut his cheeks. He hand raised as she gently grabbed his wrist attempting to take his fingers from his mouth, the nails wedched under his teeth.

"It's ok Ronin, he didn't mea-

"Yes he did, he meant everything word, I'm just like her" his mouth shook with his words as she'd tooken his hand from it, her eyes jumping open as the nails dripped blood running off the wedge they lay glued with. Stretching her arm to the table shed grabbed the box of tissues covering his finger as even her began to shake.

"Am I gonna go away like her Mrs camble" he asked the quietest he'd been that day. "No Ronin" she responded leaning closer to him as he'd begun to mumble another sentence she pulled him into a gentle hug. "I won't let you" she'd solidified it as a hand whipped his tears.

Ronins heart had stopped when his chin rested on her shoulder, in a motion he'd forgotten. A feeling that was ripped from him, a relationship he never had.

A hug.

His father lay his head against the stiring wheele, his thin hair loosing its position as his hands run through it. "Just like your mother"

"I'll loose you too"