chapter 38

Chapter 38

Ronin stairwe up at the ceiling, his breath had returned to his lungs that molded back together, the man sat next to him, a smile as he looked up with him.

Ronin rolled to his stomach the mans eyes following his arm as they reached beneath the mattress holding it up with his other he pulled out a stack of paper, folded into letters, woven with her words. For he couldn't go out and face he again, he couldn't see her again not again he repeated and he shifted to his knees looking amongst the stack.

"There from my mom" he said with a small smile, he knew the man was listening, as he looked with intrigue, Ronin knew the man had all the knowledge of who the letters were from, why they were written, and what they meant. And yet he still would let him explain it, for Ronin would have to say it to let go of it.

"She stopped sending them after I made it to highschool, I never responded to her. I couldn't, she didn't deserve it." Ronins voice was low as he said so, hunching over them. His fingers placed themselves at the fold as he slowly ripped the stack, his face scrunching as he did so until in two. He sat looking apon the ridged fray of the paper, before turning around his eyes shot across the floor as his arms did the same, gripping a cigarette he'd left by the door, he slid it across the floor roughly, turning as the man held out the lighter.

Ronin took it slowly from his warm hands, looking at the brightness as he took a breath, puasing in the very action he has waited for.

"What would you say to her"

Those words hit his nerves in a chill, Ronin cleared his throat, "will you tell her for me" he asked blankly, simply, as he was replied with the equivalent.

The final push to say goodbye.

To move on.

"Dear my mother"

"Hi mom, how are you doing?

I'm sorry I never wrote you back, it's not because I didn't want to, but I couldn't, I couldn't do that for you.

Out of everything you made me feel, everything you made me hear, I couldn't even thank you in a letter, not because I thank you for what happened.

But I can keep blaming myself for it, and I can't keep blaming you. It was a team effort that tore you apart, and it was a human reaction that tore me and dad apart. He's doing better, and he's gonna do even more better once I show him, once I can be okay, I'm almost there, don't wait for me.

I wrote this letter, but I don't want you to write back.

I want you to read it and know, know I've gotten better without your help. It was a group effort that put me back together, they didn't have to do it for me, and they didn't make me do it alone. See mom I made it.

Without you.

Goodbye.

Lo Ronin.

Goodbye.

From me.

Ronins voice cut off in a clasp of his tongue as he lit the cigarette, breathing in the smell before placing it apon the letters, watching as it spread across the white paper, turning it brown, withered.

For it was then he heard a noise, a knocking. Pushing himself to his feet he looked once more at the room, and back at the flame that had grown from the paper as it seeped onto the dust filled floor, fuilling it for the step he couldn't be there for, as with a closing of his door. He carried himself down the stairs, his eyes catching the empty kitchen as he slowed in place. Turning to the couch that lay bare like the room around it.

The knocking has continued, not rushed, but intentional, called.

He looked apon the door, opening it in a fast movement as if scared it would lock him back inside.

For he was met with wren smile.

She had come back, knocking on his door again.

It was hope.