Chapter 1: Part IV

The night air hits cool against my skin, as we cautiously leave the bar. The cab is already waiting by the roadside.

Inoue-san steps ahead, opening the car's door. I follow, my body sluggish as I sink into the seat. The immense weight that is pressing down on me isn't just exhaustion — it's a deeper cause, something I can't explain.

She slides in next to me, telling the driver the destination, though, I barely hear her, because my thoughts are elsewhere, circling the same questions over and over again.

Will this nightmare ever end?

The cab driver nods briefly and drives off into the busy streets. Inoue-san leans against the seat, turning slightly to face me. Her gaze is warm, but filled with a quiet concern.

"Hey, feeling better?"

I hesitate for a moment, spinning deeper into the lie. No, I don't feel any better, I doubt that I ever will.

"Yeah, it's better now. Thanks." I say, forcing a slight nod.

"I'm glad to hear that. But seriously, you should keep an eye on your cigarette consumption. Don't overdo it, okay?"

Her small, warm and gentle hand finds mine.

She giggles sweetly. "You know, I kinda get why it made you feel so miserable. Smoking just one of your cigarettes made me totally dizzy too. What the hell of are you smoking?"

A chuckle escapes me, to my own surprise. A real one.

I sigh, realizing I have to address what happened earlier. Otherwise, it will linger too long between us.

"Inoue-san, please don't think I didn't like what happened," My voice is quiet, careful. "It was wonderful. I'm sorry, I ruined the moment."

For a second, I can't bring myself to look into her eyes.

Then —

A soft squeeze of my hand, which is actually trembling a bit.

"There's nothing to apologize for. For me, it was special too." she says, her voice kind.

She pauses, as if hesitating over her next words. Then, a small, shining smile tugs at her lips.

"You can call me Aimi-san if you'd like. But then I may call you Kiitaharu-san, deal?"

"That's fine with me."

"Good." Her smile deepens further, her fingers lacing more firmly around mine.

For the first time in a long time — since that day — I feel something again.

For a moment, I forget I'm Kiitaharu Yarikawa.

I become Kii again.

"Kiitaharu-san," she say softly. "I really like you."

My breath holds.

"If you want... I'd like to see you outside of work," she continues, hesitantly, but hopeful. "We could go to a nice restaurant in the evening, take a walk by the water and maybe have a drink, and —"

Stopping mid-sentence, she realizes just how detailed she's getting over asking for a simple date.

"Yes, that's fine with me."

Her smile brightens, like a child seeing the first snowfall of the season.

"Okay, then I'll call you in the morning. Good thing that today's Friday, huh? We have a whole free Saturday tomorrow."

Her hand squeezes mine again, a little more playfully this time.

"And because I'm in such a great mood tonight, I'll even let you pick the restaurant. But don't you dare to disappoint me! I've never left this decision in someone else's hands before, so you better do a good job with it, okay?" she adds with a teasing smirk.

She giggles, the sound soft and carefree. If an angel existed, I imagine they'd sound like this.

... If only I believed in angels.

The cab slows as reaching my home. I unbuckle my seatbelt and get ready to leave.

"Good night, Kiitaharu-san. I'll cover the fare."

"Thanks, I'll pay for dinner tomorrow. Good night."

I step out, the door clicking shut behind me. I don't linger any longer, don't wave calling goodbye like a normal person would. The moment the cab pulls away, I hurriedly disappear into the building, my footsteps echoing dramatically in the empty hallway. A normal person would still be standing there, watching the car drive off, feeling a little lighter about life.

But I'm not a normal person.

Not by any definition.

As I unlock the front door, a thought comes to my mind. What even is a "normal person" in this disorted, grotesque world?

I drop my coat, kick off my shoes and go through my evening routine automatically.

Then, I finally collapse onto my bed, still in my clothes, my mind too restless for sleep.

Aimi Inoue — the most sought-after woman in our company that likes me. She kissed me, held my hand in the cab, looked after me when I was feeling sick.

But I can't let this go any further.

I can't let Aimi Inoue get any closer to me.

I'm not allowed to.

I've done... unforgiveable things.

I swore to love her until my last breath, my last heartbeat.

I can't betray her.

That's why I can't love you, Aimi Inoue.

No matter how much I want to.

Because I'm cursed by my own past.

A curse that only death can break.

...

I've become a pitful lonely person, Kii.

And so, Kiitaharu Yarikawa closes his eyes, tries to calm himself down and falls asleep. Even though all his thoughs might spiral into great confusion, one day he will reveal everything, the meaning of his 'curse'.

But that's as far as it goes, because this will be the last night he falls asleep this way. Tomorrow, everything will change. He will change. Because soon, he will remember the word that once shaped him into a human being again. And maybe — just maybe — he will find his way again.

But that is a question for another time, dear reader.

For now, let him rest.

For soon, the sky will break —

And a man of greed and power will step into this world, PSI/099, rewriting not only its history —

But Kiitaharu Yarikawa's fate as well.