Field Of Confusion

The sun gazed down upon us as we worked the field in Edwina's farm. The heat penetrated my skin through the thin clothing I worked and I was covered with sweat. I had grime on my hands, fingers sore from digging, planting and each time removing the weeds. Beside me, I could hear the buzz of the family, Edwina commanding her children to help her with something, they laughed running around, between the rows of crops.

I wasn't sure what I was doing since I've never drone gardening a day in my life and at first when Edwina had asked me to come with her to the farm, I was sure I would be able to handle it well. But when I started pulling yams the wrong way, Edwina decided it was safer for me to just plant and remove the weeds.

Despite the heat and the pain in my fingers, my thoughts were consumed by something else, him! Reagan. 

After we had woken up, Reagan had taken one look at me then moved away from me as if I burned him. I noticed the way his face hardened as he mumbled an apology, his voice low and clipped as he turned away from me. Still startled with what happened, I opened my mouth trying to speak but before I could the door had opened with Edwina and her husband.

They offered us breakfast and then Henry dragged Reagan off for a hunt while Edwina dragged me out to the farm but I still couldn't seem to focus on anything other than the way I felt when Reagan did all of those things to me. 

When Madam Heidi had taught me, it was always to give the men pleasure. I've even heard some of the maids talking about how some of the men don't have any idea what they are doing most of the times and they only tend to seek after their own pleasure all but I don't think that seems to be the case with Reagan. 

Reagan doesn't seem like the time not to be aware of what he is doing, and I know he wasn't the type of man to just sought after his own pleasure neglecting the female. 

The things he made me feel alone this morning, gods, I can't tell if it was the sun that was causing the heat which was rising to my cheeks. 

I shook my head, willing my thoughts not to go back to Reagan and focus on my work but laughter penetrated through my haze of confusion. Glancing up from the field, I sighted Henry and Reagan. Henry grinned widely, with his bow slung over his shoulder and beside him was Reagan who carried a dead antelope across his back. 

He also wore a smile on his face but what really made me stop working and fixated on him was the fact that he was shirtless! The sunlight hit his skin, highlighting his skin, making it golden. Sweats also glistened on his broad shoulders and the way his muscles rippled as he walked made me realize it was the sun who caused the heat it was him, it was all him. 

A wistful sigh sounded from behind me and I looked only to find the girls staring at Reagan. Even at a young age they could tell he was definitely the most handsome. 

"You are one very lucky lady." One of the girls turned towards me and said. 

I smiled at her before turning to look at Reagan who had now began chopping woods with an axe. "Trust me, I know!"

"Alright everyone, I think that's enough for today." Edwina said to the children who let out a shout of glee before they ran out off to go play. 

Edwina turned to look at me then with a smile on her face. "My children are right, you really are indeed lucky."

I laughed to cover up the strange sadness and disappointment I was feeling. How on earth do I explain that he didn't want me? Or did I read the signs wrong?

Clearing my throat, I turned to look at Edwina. "Say Edwina, how do you know…how do you know if a guy wants you?"

Edwina stopped what she was doing which was putting the seeds back on the basket. She turned to look at me, her eyes slightly widened in disbelief as she stared at me before they slightly narrowed their eyes. "Why do you ask that?"

Heat crept to the back of my neck as I glanced away in embarrassment. "Its nothing really, I guess I was just curious."

"Huh." Edwina stated still looking at me with a suspicious look but eventually she shrugged, bending down to lift the basket. "Well it depends, some men make it easy for you by making it plain as day that they want you, just like my Henry." She said with a smile and her eyes lit up as she stared at Henry who was busying playing with the children. 

"And then the others," Edwina continued, "They act like they don't want you but they end up making a fool of themselves by doing stupid things just to be around you."I thought back to what Reagan has been doing. Does this mean that he does want me? I asked myself as I stared at Reagan who was now picking up the woods. 

"He does want you." Edwina confirmed as if she could read my thoughts. 

tartled, I looked at her only to find her smiling at me before she turned to look at Reagan. 

"I see it in the way he looks at you when he thinks no one's looking but believe me," She continued. "I'm always watching.

"And how do you know that?" I dared to ask her because how could she when I didn't. 

Edwina smirked at me, her eyes glinting with a hint of mischief in them before she lead in towards me. Her voice dropping to a whisper as if she was about to tell a delicious secret. "Tell you what? Henry and I are visiting his family for the weekend which gives you two love birds enough time.

"Time for what?"

Edwina's grin grew wider, "Time to find out how long he can hold out for without touching you."