Chapter 33. "Alright to cry./Paradise."
Hey, welcome back Kid!
You all as well, Folks!
I hope you've been doing well, as I always do, you know?
Life can be complicated. It can get so...heavy.
Having to balance work and friends and a lover (if you have one) and family and your hobbies and this and that and those and these and them and they and and and and and and...
Like, man...
It doesn't stop, lol.
Lbvs.
I'm not complaining, just saying stuff.
Maybe stuff that some of you are also thinking.
Just hang in there.
I don't know what any of this stuff means either, you know?
I am just here on this massive rock in space, just like you, Kid.
And YOU, my loyal readers.
We will hang in there together, yeah?
Why not?
People need people.
Things might not get any easier, but we get stronger.
Better. Smarter.
We get better, and things FEEL easier, but it doesn't get easier.
If that makes since.
You will be okay.
I will be okay.
Maybe I jut need to leave America?
Lmao and lbvs.
See you all back here soon.
Enjoy, Folks.
You as well, Kid.
Especially you.
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February 17th, 2019.
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Dear You.
My Godmother passed away on my birthday.
This is actually the first time it's been since then...
It was really hard. To lose someone is already hard.
But someone so close, on your birthday...
Not a good day, I can tell you that.
I cried a lot...It's alright to cry.
Remember that.
-Dad.
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Man...
You know what's crazy about this entry?
I talked about it last entry.
I had no idea...No. i will say that I 'didn't recall' that THAT was the year that she passed away. It just have been mentally suppressed, you know?
It was a bit jarring for when I read this entry and realized that this was indeed the truth.
I had felt it coming, and the last entry was in December, so it just popped into my head and I brought it up.
But this?
This post is a direct reference to that event.
Sheesh...
You know?
That day is etched into the walls of my mind.
In many ways.
Loss is often strange that way.
If you know, you know.
If you don't, I hope you never find out.
I remember waking up to a voice message that morning from my -then- best friend/god brother.
The news that she had passed.
It hit me like a truck.
I sat and cried.
And cried and cried.
There is a song by Coldplay called "Paradise" that is one of my favorite songs. It always reminded me of her.
I wanted to tell her that, but I never got a chance.
The song has a line that says:
"When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach, So she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of Para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise Every time she closed her eyes"
Her nickname was Paradise.
That morning, I sat and played that song on repeat and I cried until my eyes hurt.
I hate that even though my "fiance" was there, and even just 10 feet away from me, she didn't move to comfort or console me, you know?
I had to get up, go to her, and seek that.
That really, really speaks volumes as to how she felt about me, and even more so as to why I am no longer with her, and why she is not your mother, Kid.
There are other reasons, but that was one of the main strikes for me...that was so big.
Kid? Find someone who makes you happy.
Genuinely.
Be careful with your Light.
This world can be dark, and people will definitely try to steal and/or drain your light.
Don't let them.
Love, but do so with your shield held high.
Think, but do so with your sword ever at the ready.
Life will challenge you, Kid.
Me?
I am...a bit stubborn lol.
I am a Capricorn, lmao.
We have what I call the "Dodge" mentality.
"If you can't dodge it, ram it."
Life will come, and come, and come.
You need to be swift.
Dodge your problems and reproach, or face them head on and ram them before they ram you.
That isn't for everyone, but give it a try.
I will leave you at that, and I hope you take from it what you need, and leave the rest for the next.
I love you, Kid.
Never forget that.
You all as well, Folks.
Platonic-like, of course lol.
Safe travels, Folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.