Chapter 19: So... it must come... inside?

Lars POV:

I had the inkling that my worldview would end up completely shattered, yet back then I was not sure how monumentally my world was going to turn on its axis.

Granny Agatha knew no mercy. Not even when she came back to the living room with a small something and a banana.

"Lars, you open them like this," I could only stare in shock, as the good old granny opened the condom packet. What came out was of course something I had seen before. A special circular thing, which I knew in theory, was made from special magical spider web.

We, the people of Lergo, hated trading with Arkano. Some things, however, were kept secret in all countries. Arkano was the only country in which these special spiders, which had a name about thirty letters long, could thrive. 

And now I just received the banana in my left hand, and was given the condom to hold in my right.

"I still have a lot of these, you know, it pays to be conscious about this stuff. You men always forget to bring some," grannies were like plants. You could admire them, but they were people who should not have sex anymore.

That was the first time, from many, during which my world view was upturned. I didn't want to imagine granny Agatha in such a light. 

She continued, calm and collected.

"Now unroll the condom," that was something I knew how to do. More than once I had done it, to fill the condom with water. My fingers shook. It was no longer funny.

"Yes, exactly like that," I was beginning to question my ability to survive this situation. My heart beat so fast, that I feared I will end up without blood. It was funny that such basic and groundless fears could ever show up in the head of a healer.

Well, healer trainee, who didn't have a license, but I should have known better.

"Now, Lars, put the condom around the banana. Carefully now, you will do it like that with your penis as well," she really knew no mercy.

"But... why?" I didn't want to put a condom around a fruit, and pretend it was my own reproductive organ. No, I wanted to continue being able to view bananas as food.

"What do you mean, why? Do you want crabs or something? Or maybe you think that getting the yellow fear is a fun way to die? Young man, do as I say!" She bit her lower lip at the end. Her gaze had a certain urgency to it, which moved me to action.

"That is a banana," I tried to tell myself. "The banana can't feel any outrage at having a condom around it."

I was right, of course. Still, maybe I should have worded it better. Good thing I didn't say such nonsense out loud. Granny Agatha would have hit me on the head for them, for sure.

"Good job, Lars," she nodded her approval, her stance relaxed a little. I had no idea if I really did something right or not. I just wanted to march out of this horror house. "Now, what else should you do?"

I blinked, was there no end in sight to this torture?

"I... I should wash up afterwards?" I blurted it out, hoped I got it right.

"No! You will, no, you must, ask your partner if he has any sicknesses!" That was... my brain simply shut down. Nothing had ever prepared me for this moment. 

"Nate is fifteen," I blurted that out as well. It was not like I was capable of higher thought process at that moment.

"So? If you want to do the horizontal tango, get him checked out at the hospital first!" She was stern. Back then, I couldn't feel the gravity of her words. What did I know of such things? I was just a silly teenager. Not just any silly teenager, but a closeted teenager.

Things like sexually transmitted sicknesses happened to other people, not to me. Since, well, for them to happen, one had to have sex first. My prospects, in my own mind, at least, were not very hopeful.

I had no idea, if Nate would ever offer me something more than friendship. Didn't dare to hope, was not in the clear as to whom I could fancy, boys or girls, or both, or maybe no one at all.

"You check that boy at the hospital," she continued on, her eyes narrowed. I listened; swore I will somehow try to do as she asked. 

Even if I didn't believe it was necessary. 

"And then buy yourself condoms. Don't bother with the ones who have some fancy tastes. Make sure you buy something that won't break," I nodded along. My cheeks heated up with every word.

"And, and this is the most important part," I was prepared for anything at this point. She could have told me that I needed to shave off Nates luxurious black curls, and I would have done it. What did I know? She was the one with the experience. "Do not do it before you turn 18, my boy. It is not worth it. If he tries to get in your pants, tell him no!"

I nodded once more. The good granny had just given me the best way to escape my current situation. I could just tell Nate that I wasn't allowed to share a bed with him anymore. I even was of a mind to tell him that I didn't want his crabs.

Had no idea what crabs were, anyway. For me, they were just animals, which were tasty when cooked. Nothing more.

"Yes, granny!" I sprang to my feet, the cookies on the coffee table completely forgotten. Granny Agatha nodded her approval, and then took a small paper back from her pocket, placed a single cookie inside, the smallest one, and then gave me the bag.

"Lars, you are like a grandson to me," her smile was gentle, but something in her gaze told me that I wouldn't like what I will hear. "But if you want to keep your friend, you might want to lose some weight."

It was said softly, with a gentleness that only someone who loved you could show you. Still, it was like a stone to the head for me. I took the cookie, bowed my head, and showed myself out.