Interlude: Baozi's Observation Diary 🐱✨
Location: Caera's Unnecessarily Large Mansion
Time: Why are humans always so noisy in the morning?
Observer: The Great and Powerful Baozi
(Currently disguised as: "just a chonky orange cat" 🙄)
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[Morning Disaster Log]
8:23 AM - New Human Alert! 🚨
Constantyn arrives looking like he walked out of a "How to be Professional" manual
• Wire-rim glasses (trying too hard) 😒
• Burberry coat (future nap spot identified) 😼
• Leather shoes in Shanghai humidity (amateur hour) 🤦♂️
Initial Judgment: Another ENTJ, exactly what we DON'T need
Threat to Nap Spots: HIGH ⚠️
8:24 AM - Smallest Goddess's Reaction
Caera pretending not to care about his arrival:
• Fixing her hair "casually" 💁♀️
• Practicing her "oh, you're here" face 🎭
• Failing miserably at both 😪
Secondhand Embarrassment Level: 888/10
8:25 AM - Eugene Being Eugene 🌪️
• Bouncing around like a sugar-high puppy
• Still has that weird curse aura (note to self: investigate) 👻
• Offering everyone McDonald's breakfast
• Something dark flickers in his eyes when...
Suspicion Level: ELEVATED 🔍
Need to Watch Closely: VERY YES
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[Actual Events I Was Forced to Witness]
Scene 1: The Sphere Incident 🔮
Caera: *tries to activate jade sphere*
Sphere: *does nothing*
Me: *judges silently*
Constantyn: "Your technique is fundamentally—"
Me: (ㅍ_ㅍ) here we go...
Entertainment Value: 9/10 🍿
Actual Conversation Overhead:
Caera: "I know what I'm doing!"
Constantyn: "Evidently not."
Me: *starts cleaning paw for dramatic effect*
Eugene: *drops boba on priceless carpet*
Lin Yu: *suspicious phone typing intensifies*
Chaos Rating: Perfect 💯
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[Spiritual Network Status](Since I'm apparently the only one who notices these things 🙄)
Dragon Veins: Acting weird
• Probably because SOMEONE (Caera) keeps poking them
• Like watching a baby play with fireworks
• Should I help? No. ❌
• Am I enjoying this? Yes. ✅
Mansion Feng Shui:
• Completely messed up
• Ancestral tablets collecting dust (rude) 😾
• Premium napping spots: endangered species
• Ghost in the east wing still complaining about the renovation
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[Suspicious Behavior Log] 🕵️♂️
Eugene's "Curse":
• Claims it's from a Sichuan ghost girl
• Actually seems legit???
• But he's hiding something bigger
• Keeps glancing at the sphere when others aren't looking
• Note: He offered me premium tuna (trying to buy my silence?) 🐟
Lin Yu's Secret Phone Calls:
8:30 - "Asset in position"
9:15 - "Timeline accelerated"
10:45 - "Package secure"
Me: 👀👀👀
Her CIA Acting Skills: 2/10
My Acting Skills Pretending Not to Understand: 10/10 😼
Constantyn's "Research":
• Too interested in the sphere
• Keeps "accidentally" ending up in restricted areas
• Definitely has hidden agenda
• But also might just be naturally annoying
Verdict: Need more observation (and more fur on his coat) 🧥
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[Current Chaos Rankings]
1. Eugene (Chaotic Evil) 😈
2. Lin Yu (Lawful Sus) 🕴️
3. Constantyn (Lawful Annoying) 📚
4. Caera (Chaotic Try-Hard) 🌟
5. Me (Chaotic Superior) 👑
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[Overheard Conversations That Made Me Lose Faith in Humanity]
Caera: "I can control divine power!"
Sphere: *does absolutely nothing*
Me: (¬_¬)
Eugene: "Maybe if we poke it with a stick?"
Everyone: "NO!"
Me: *considers returning to temple life*
Constantyn: *lengthy explanation about spiritual resonance*
Me: *deliberately knocks over his coffee* ☕
Satisfaction Level: MAXIMUM 😌
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[Urgent Action Items]
1. Monitor Eugene's suspicious activities 🔍
2. Pretend to be normal cat (harder than it looks) 😺
3. Judge everyone's life choices 📝
4. Nap on important documents 📄
5. Maintain position as supreme being while disguised as pet 👑
6. Figure out what Lin Yu's REALLY up to 🕵️♂️
7. Watch Caera fail at goddess duties (always entertaining) 🍿
8. Shed strategically on Constantyn's coat 🧥
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[Final Thoughts]
These humans really think they can handle Shanghai's spiritual network?
I've seen street cats with better energy control... 🐱
At least I'm being entertained while the world potentially ends?
Current Mood: Judgy but amused 😼
Need for Nap: CRITICAL 😴
Done with Everyone: ∞/10
Status Update: Going to take a nap on Constantyn's Burberry coat while everyone panics about the sphere
Evil Cat Rating: Purrfection 😈
End Log.
Time for tuna. 🐟
P.S. - If anyone's reading this, yes, I can write. Deal with it. 😾