Fat Cat Interlude

Interlude: Baozi's Observation Diary 🐱✨

Location: Caera's Unnecessarily Large Mansion

Time: Why are humans always so noisy in the morning?

Observer: The Great and Powerful Baozi

(Currently disguised as: "just a chonky orange cat" 🙄)

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[Morning Disaster Log]

8:23 AM - New Human Alert! 🚨

Constantyn arrives looking like he walked out of a "How to be Professional" manual

• Wire-rim glasses (trying too hard) 😒

• Burberry coat (future nap spot identified) 😼

• Leather shoes in Shanghai humidity (amateur hour) 🤦‍♂️

Initial Judgment: Another ENTJ, exactly what we DON'T need

Threat to Nap Spots: HIGH ⚠️

8:24 AM - Smallest Goddess's Reaction

Caera pretending not to care about his arrival:

• Fixing her hair "casually" 💁‍♀️

• Practicing her "oh, you're here" face 🎭

• Failing miserably at both 😪

Secondhand Embarrassment Level: 888/10

8:25 AM - Eugene Being Eugene 🌪️

• Bouncing around like a sugar-high puppy

• Still has that weird curse aura (note to self: investigate) 👻

• Offering everyone McDonald's breakfast

• Something dark flickers in his eyes when...

Suspicion Level: ELEVATED 🔍

Need to Watch Closely: VERY YES

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[Actual Events I Was Forced to Witness]

Scene 1: The Sphere Incident 🔮

Caera: *tries to activate jade sphere*

Sphere: *does nothing*

Me: *judges silently*

Constantyn: "Your technique is fundamentally—"

Me: (ㅍ_ㅍ) here we go...

Entertainment Value: 9/10 🍿

Actual Conversation Overhead:

Caera: "I know what I'm doing!"

Constantyn: "Evidently not."

Me: *starts cleaning paw for dramatic effect*

Eugene: *drops boba on priceless carpet*

Lin Yu: *suspicious phone typing intensifies*

Chaos Rating: Perfect 💯

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[Spiritual Network Status](Since I'm apparently the only one who notices these things 🙄)

Dragon Veins: Acting weird

• Probably because SOMEONE (Caera) keeps poking them

• Like watching a baby play with fireworks

• Should I help? No. ❌

• Am I enjoying this? Yes. ✅

Mansion Feng Shui:

• Completely messed up

• Ancestral tablets collecting dust (rude) 😾

• Premium napping spots: endangered species

• Ghost in the east wing still complaining about the renovation

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[Suspicious Behavior Log] 🕵️‍♂️

Eugene's "Curse":

• Claims it's from a Sichuan ghost girl

• Actually seems legit???

• But he's hiding something bigger

• Keeps glancing at the sphere when others aren't looking

• Note: He offered me premium tuna (trying to buy my silence?) 🐟

Lin Yu's Secret Phone Calls:

8:30 - "Asset in position"

9:15 - "Timeline accelerated"

10:45 - "Package secure"

Me: 👀👀👀

Her CIA Acting Skills: 2/10

My Acting Skills Pretending Not to Understand: 10/10 😼

Constantyn's "Research":

• Too interested in the sphere

• Keeps "accidentally" ending up in restricted areas

• Definitely has hidden agenda

• But also might just be naturally annoying

Verdict: Need more observation (and more fur on his coat) 🧥

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[Current Chaos Rankings]

1. Eugene (Chaotic Evil) 😈

2. Lin Yu (Lawful Sus) 🕴️

3. Constantyn (Lawful Annoying) 📚

4. Caera (Chaotic Try-Hard) 🌟

5. Me (Chaotic Superior) 👑

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[Overheard Conversations That Made Me Lose Faith in Humanity]

Caera: "I can control divine power!"

Sphere: *does absolutely nothing*

Me: (¬_¬)

Eugene: "Maybe if we poke it with a stick?"

Everyone: "NO!"

Me: *considers returning to temple life*

Constantyn: *lengthy explanation about spiritual resonance*

Me: *deliberately knocks over his coffee* ☕

Satisfaction Level: MAXIMUM 😌

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[Urgent Action Items]

1. Monitor Eugene's suspicious activities 🔍

2. Pretend to be normal cat (harder than it looks) 😺

3. Judge everyone's life choices 📝

4. Nap on important documents 📄

5. Maintain position as supreme being while disguised as pet 👑

6. Figure out what Lin Yu's REALLY up to 🕵️‍♂️

7. Watch Caera fail at goddess duties (always entertaining) 🍿

8. Shed strategically on Constantyn's coat 🧥

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[Final Thoughts]

These humans really think they can handle Shanghai's spiritual network?

I've seen street cats with better energy control... 🐱

At least I'm being entertained while the world potentially ends?

Current Mood: Judgy but amused 😼

Need for Nap: CRITICAL 😴

Done with Everyone: ∞/10

Status Update: Going to take a nap on Constantyn's Burberry coat while everyone panics about the sphere

Evil Cat Rating: Purrfection 😈

End Log.

Time for tuna. 🐟

P.S. - If anyone's reading this, yes, I can write. Deal with it. 😾