Me Tarzan, You Jane

Delphi inspected the charm bracelets the jeweller had laid out on a velvet-lined tray for her.

"These will do nicely for the lantern festival, thank you sir," she said politely to the wizened little old man who looked like he'd been selling jewellery for a very long time.

Her eyes burned with excitement as she handed out the bracelets, each with different charms selected by the girls, but all with one charm in common, a tiny pink mother-of-pearl gorilla with gold eyes with the letter 'G' etched into each eye.

"Ruby, animal theme."

Her bracelet was covered in animals like bunnies and foxes, so the gorilla fit in well.

"Feifei, archery theme."

The bracelet had a bow charm, a quiver charm, an arrow charm… The gorilla stood out like a sore thumb. Was he meant to get shot by the arrow?

"Indy, judo theme."

There were a series of girls in a judo outfits all doing different judo moves, and the gorilla…

"I'm sensing you all picked your passions. Something less personal where the gorilla blends in would've been good… Loveday, weapons theme," she handed the tall girl her bracelet with a sword, a dagger, a bow and arrow, a slingshot and a whip.

The jeweller came over to the group and peered up at Loveday. "I did wonder which young lady requested those charms," he gave her a quizzical look.

"Winter, rainbows and teddy bears?" said Delphi, who clearly understood that selection as much as the jeweller understood Loveday's selections.

The old jeweller smiled happily; this was more within his expectations of young women's interests.

"Araminta, gymnastics theme. And last but not least, Lili…" she inspected the bracelet a few times trying to grasp its meaning. "Weapons?" Delphi asked.

There was a whip, a mask, a rope… "Is this one a bra?" asked Delphi.

Lili pealed with laughter. "Miss goody two shoes. Araminta knows what the theme is, don't you Arrie?"

Araminta and Lili giggled suggestively, sending the jeweller bright red. He had imagined that they were horse riding-themed charms.

"Girls, girls," said Delphi, "stop, you're destroying this poor man who made us these beautiful bracelets. Our apologies sir," she said to him. "Our Lili loves a good joke."

The man couldn't get away fast enough. He was looking forward to a well-earned retirement, and engaging in lewd jokes with the Emperor's underage future wives was a guaranteed path to an eternal rest, rather than moving to his beach shack...

The girls purchased some earrings and necklaces to make the whole trip look real for the eunuchs, withdrawing behind a privacy screen to put the jewellery on.

"Oh, they're perfect on you Delphi. They look stunning," Winter clapped with delight.

"Delphi would look stunning in a brown paper bag with arm holes," said Lili. "All the consorts would be asking her which shop she bought it from."

"Especially Consort Robbie," said Indy. "She really hates your guts Delphi."

"Well, she has one more day to nurse her hatred, then she can have that monster all to herself, plus a hundred other women clamouring for his grotty attentions," said Delphi with a shudder.

"Don't call the Emperor a monster in public Delphi," signed Feifei. "You never know who might overhear you. Use your sign language."

"You're right of course Feifei," said Delphi. "Can I at least call him a son-of-a-bitch?" she signed.

Feifei rolled her eyes, and Delphi rubbed her on the shoulder comfortingly.

"Don't worry warrior girl. Only one more day, then we can worry about tubiàn instead of men. At least they don't want to turn us into sexy dolls, they just want to kill us, I can respect that."

"Hear, hear," agreed Arrie, looking down at her surgically enhanced bust. "These have totally destroyed my vault. They wobble when I do my run up," she pouted.

"I quite like mine," said Lili. "I feel like they'll be a very useful part of my Guerilla Girl arsenal."

"For what, smothering dragons?" asked Delphi witheringly. "Or do you plan to use them as floatation devices if you fall overboard?"

"I'll use them as a honey trap, Delph, you wait and see. I have a good feeling about them."

"Come on you lunatic, let's get out of here," she threw an arm around Lili's shoulder. "We have a lot to wrap up before tomorrow night."

They strode out of the shop, Delphi in the lead. She found Commander Meyer and Lieutenant Espey on either side of side of the shop entrance, scaring away any other customers.

Alton immediately dropped in behind Delphi, following her closely to her horse.

She stopped suddenly so that the huge man almost ran into her.

"Prince, you're paying me so much attention I might almost believe you have a crush on me," she said. "It's very flattering and all, but as you know, I'm engaged to your Uncle," she pulled down her veil again and flashed him a saccharine sweet smile, fluttering her long lashes at him.

Diabolical woman... he thought, trying not to laugh.

"I'm just doing my job, Miss Chastain. I know how important you are to my Uncle, so I'd hate for anything to happen on my watch."

Like her escaping, she thought bitterly.

"I hope you selected some extravagant jewels for your wedding day," he said, a sly dig.

Another reminder of her upcoming nuptials, horrible man, she thought as raised her charm bracelet up close to his face.

"I did, thank you Prince Alton. Hmm, I wonder which charm reminds me of you. Is it the dragon?" she held it aloft; it's golden scales catching the sunlight. "No," she said flatly. "The horse?" she dangled the noble steed before his eyes. "No, not that one either," she shook her head. "The shark? Getting closer with this one... But oh, here it is! The ape. Most definitely reminiscent of your good self, Commander," she tilted her head and widened her eyes innocently at him.

He gathered that being compared with a pink gorilla was not intended as a compliment...

She flicked the gorilla charm so that it swung crazily.

"Any time you want to play 'me Tarzan, you Jane', Miss Chastain, just ask me directly and I'll be happy to oblige you, there's no need to be coy. Are you fantasising about me being a big silverback? " he raised his eyebrows at her. "Whatever floats your boat, but it does beg the question of who has a crush on whom."

She turned on her heel and stalked off to her horse.

Well, that backfired spectacularly, she thought. What an insufferable man!