The Weight of Silence

Everyone was still complaining about the Dementors by the time they had reached the Hogwarts station.

The first years were split apart to ride the boats across the Black Lake in the impressive first glance at the castle. The other students waited patiently for the Thestral-drawn carriages to transfer a half dozen students at a time.

Luna eyed him boldly, not looking away even as he caught her rudeness. She was observant, much more than he had given her credit for. He knew that she had seen his accidental flinch.

She turned in the crowd, walking with the masses away and out of sight.

Despite seeing her walk pointedly out of his sight, she somehow gave the impression of fading away into the dark, swallowed up into the night.

Adrian didn't bother chasing her.

Instead Draco approached and slung one arm around his waist, careful to not bother Lutain who curled around Adrian's throat.

"Ah," Draco grimaced, "Still have that thing with you?"

"You smell like canary." Lutain hissed casually, as if discussing the weather.

"Can't get rid of Lutain that easily," Adrian smoothly stated, peering up at the Thestrals who paid no mind to him, "Did you find the others?"

"Crabbe and Goyle rode with Pansy in the last carriage. Theo, Blaise, and Daphne are waiting for us." Draco assured, turning and taking the lead towards a more weathered Thestral in particular. Theo was awkwardly avoiding looking at the creature in question.

"There you are!" Daphne sighed, brushing her hands on the green overcoat she was wearing, "Were you on the train with the Dementor?"

"No, fortunately." Adrian lied smoothly, and continued with "A pleasure to see you again, Daphne."

"Bad luck, that." Theo started, fidgeting to not look at the thestral. "Figures if anyone would see that thing, it would be you."

Adrian felt a flash of annoyance through him, burning slowly at his fingertips. He had grown so used to the respect and strange balance he and his father had, the blatant disrespect irked him in a way it never had before.

"Bad luck, right." Adrian spoke sharply, glancing at Theo coldly and irritated, "Best I not let all that out then."

Theo's face twitched in surprise at how sharp the comment was. He didn't say anything further.

"Master, can we go?" Lutain hissed, flexing against his throat, "It is cold and wet."

The thestral snorted and shook its head, as if laughing.

Theo jumped noticeably, skittering once he landed like a fawn on ice. He flushed uncomfortably, trying to skirt away from the Thestral with how anxious he looked in its presence.

What a ridiculous thing, Adrian almost felt like glaring at him.

Thestrals were gorgeous, strong yet wiry with every bone on display like an anatomy textbook.

He tried to not let it bother him how Theo cringed away from such beautiful beasts, they deserved more respect and admiration. Adrian would love to gaze upon them if he had time.

"Let's hurry on, I'm dying for the feast." Draco drawled, "Honestly, those pathetic pastries the trolley passes off as-"

Adrian quickly ignored the dull chatter of the others as he took his place nearest the window.

The carriage rolled towards the castle into the unloading area where the Prefects and house ghosts were cheerfully moving the students along into the grand hall to find their spots under the proper tables and banners.

"Draco!" Pansy shrieked, having saved a spot for him right next to her, how amusing the sight was. Draco winced but resigned to sit next to her, Adrian sat across in a spot not as good for viewing the new first years.

"Ah, still have that thing?" Pansy asked, her smile strained as she spotted Lutain uncoil from Adrian's neck to sit on his golden plate.

Lutain puffed out air annoyed, his tail tip flickering lazily to show his disinterest and offence.

"You can't keep the snake away, can you?" Blaise grumbled, seating himself stiff and dignified and ignoring the glances from two second year girls whispering and giggling to each other.

Finally the tables were filled, proportionally quieter compared to the year before. Most likely due to the somber quiet Weasley twins who looked more sickly than happy.

Adrian physically jolted when he realized why.

Ginny.

"What's wrong, it looks as if you've seen a ghost." Daphne remarked, reaching for a goblet filled with water.

"I'm fine." Adrian croaked back, trying to compose himself quickly.

He hadn't even thought of Ginny in the summer months.

He had left a girl to starve to death, wandless, alone, and scared, miles below the school, and forgotten about it.

He had murdered her-

'But was it murder?' A voice prompted him, soothing away his horror, 'You were only a bystander. You didn't kill her, after all, starvation did.'

That was true, but -

He chose to do nothing.

Nothing.

Was choosing to not intervene in certain death the same as killing her himself? And what did it matter? His father would have had her killed without question, she'd seen and heard too much. If anything, he'd given her a kinder death than his father would have.

He thought of hunger, and darkness, and fear - please let me out I promise I'll be good mom, dad, where are you! - and wondered when those things had become a kindness.

He couldn't think about that now. He couldn't.

He hadn't thought about that in a long time. He couldn't lose it now.

....

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