Torn

I shut down sometimes, don't know what to say,

My mind's a mess, and it drifts far away.

No matter how hard I try to be clear,

The pieces keep breaking and slipping from here.

So I lie there, giving up on the fight,

Hoping I'll wake up and somehow feel right.

But now, I can't, I'm lost in between,

Feeling nothing at all—yet spilling unseen.

I try to reach out, to say what I feel,

But my mind whispers, "They won't think it's real."

Tells me I'm lazy, tells me I'm weak,

But they don't see the war that I never speak.

I wake up each day, put on my best face,

Push myself forward, force myself to chase

The simple things—just to brush my teeth,

But inside I'm crushed, with nothing beneath.

I feel guilty if I move, guilty if I stay,

How am I supposed to find a way?

I've tried it all—meditation, pills,

Therapy, but I'm stuck on this hill.

They only see what I haven't done,

Never the battles I've already won.

When I try to explain, they brush me aside,

"People have it worse, stop crying inside."

But don't they know I already see,

How hard life is for others, not just for me?

I want to scream, to make them hear,

But if I get angry, I'm the one they fear.

My sadness turns bitter, my silence grows loud,

I'm swallowed by darkness, hidden in the crowd.

Anger is poison, but where can it go,

When I'm told to smile and not let it show?

So I fall back to the habits I hate,

Just to feel better before it's too late.

Drowning myself just to feel okay,

But the feeling fades, and I slip away.

And the cycle repeats, I'm caught in its spin,

Trying so hard, but I never win.