Alive in the hurt

How do you say goodbye

to the one you've wanted for so long,

when they decide they want you—

but it's too late?

Too late for love,

too late for the fight,

too late for me to hold on

to what I've already let go.

Now I'm the one carrying the weight,

dragging this heart through the rubble of us,

while you walk away like it's nothing.

Nothing to you.

How do you do it?

How do you stay so still, so cold,

like the world doesn't exist beneath your skin?

I wish I could do that.

Rip the feelings from my chest,

cast them into the wind, let them scatter.

But I'm stuck.

Stuck here, stuck in this, stuck in you.

You—wearing numbness like a crown.

I envy you.

God, I envy the way you feel nothing.

I wish I could be like that.

But I'm not.

I'm fire and tears,

heartbreak and screams,

every single feeling all at once.

And it's heavy. So heavy.

You don't see it, though.

You don't see me.

You never really did.

You were too busy being numb,

too busy avoiding the pain,

while I was here—

burning for us, bleeding for us,

breaking for us.

But goodbye—

goodbye is for me now.

Not for you.

It's the only thing I can control,

the only power I have left.

And I'll say it.

Even though the hurt rips through me,

even though I feel it all,

I'm still here.

I'm still standing.

And you—

you can stay numb.

But I'll keep feeling.

Because at least I know I'm alive.