change in beliefs

As Alice lay in bed, her thoughts spun in circles, each one a tangled mess of emotions. She had never been one to dwell on things for too long, but today was different. It wasn't just the vase; it wasn't just her embarrassment. It was Dorian. The way he moved through the room with such composure, the coldness in his words, and that blindfold he wore as if it were a part of his identity.

She rolled over and stared at the ceiling, her mind still occupied by the image of him, calm, graceful, and ever so collected. Every movement, every word seemed calculated, as though he was some sort of perfect machine, incapable of error. Alice, on the other hand, felt like she was constantly tripping over her own feet, making one mistake after another. She never quite measured up to the people around her.

Why was it that everyone in the castle seemed to have their lives together, while she struggled with even the simplest tasks?

With a sigh, Alice kicked the blanket off and sat up, her hands falling to her lap. Her golden eyes stared at the wall as the soft sounds of the falling snow outside seemed to echo her feelings. The pale light filtering through the window made the room feel colder somehow, adding to the melancholy creeping into her heart.

"Why can't I just be like everyone else?" she muttered under her breath. "Why do I always have to be such a mess?"

Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. She knew it was irrational, but she couldn't help it. The frustration boiled inside her like a pot ready to overflow. Why did she always have to mess things up? Why couldn't she be calm like Sebastian? Or composed like Dorian?

"Does the grim Reaper think I'm so silly.. Why doesn't he just take my soul and be done with it..?"

Maybe if she could be more like them, then she wouldn't feel so out of place in the castle. She wouldn't feel like an intruder in a place that clearly wasn't meant for someone like her. She thought that sebastian seems to feel a pity for her so he invites her over.

But the more she thought about it, the more she realized it wasn't just about being like them. It was about wanting to fit in, to find her place in the world where she didn't feel like an outsider. Alice had spent so much of her life trying to find somewhere she truly belonged.

A soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Alice froze, her heart leaping into her throat. Could it be Dorian again? Or perhaps someone else coming to check on her? She hadn't expected anyone to come. She certainly wasn't in the mood to see Dorian, or anyone for that matter.

She hesitated for a moment before calling out, "Who is it?"

The voice that responded was not familiar. "I am one of the servants. Lord Sebastian orders you to come and dine."

"Just a minute!" Alice called out, quickly smoothing her hair and straightening her dress. She had to pull herself together, even if her emotions were still all over the place. With a deep breath, she walked to the door and opened it just a crack.

Alice hesitated. Her thoughts were a whirlwind, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to face anyone. But she couldn't ignore it. Sebastian was waiting for her. She swallowed hard, trying to steady her racing heartbeat, and made her way toward the door.

As she walked, her eyes were usually glued to the ground as she navigated the stairs, afraid she might trip. But something caught her attention at the bottom of the staircase. For the briefest moment, her eyes wandered toward it, and in that split second, her foot slipped off the edge of the last step.

She gasped as she lost her balance, tumbling forward and landing with a thud on the floor. Her cheek hit the cold floor with a sharp sting, and she winced, her hands instinctively reaching out to break her fall. The force of the fall wasn't enough to hurt her badly, but she felt a sharp pain in her knees and palms from the impact.

Her face flushed bright red from the shock and embarrassment. Without thinking, she scrambled to her feet, her eyes wide, hoping no one had seen. But of course, the moment she stood, she realized there were servants in the hallway, their eyes wide with shock at the scene they had just witnessed.

Alice quickly straightened herself up, her face burning with humiliation. She brushed off her hands, but the pain in her knees and palms lingered, making it harder to ignore her embarrassment. She glanced down, her face still red as she tried to regain some composure.

Despite her attempts to act as if nothing had happened, she could feel the heat in her face. She didn't want to face anyone right now, especially not Sebastian. But she had no choice. She had to go to him. She could feel the sting of her fall, but she quickly wiped away the tears that threatened to fall.

When she finally reached the dining hall, the door opened before her. As she stepped inside, she froze. Sebastian was standing there, as always composed and calm, but this time, his expression faltered. He had expected her to walk in with soft shine, as if she were some sort of delicate creature, a fragile angel. Instead, he was greeted by Alice her hair messy, her face flushed, and her cheeks red from the fall.

Her hands were still slightly shaking from the pain, and she felt like the floor might swallow her whole as she met his gaze. She stood there, trying to appear normal, but everything about her was off. Even Midnight, perched on the ledge nearby, fell silent. The raven, always so ready to make fun of her, seemed to sense the situation, and though his eyes twinkled with mischief, even he couldn't bring himself to mock her this time.

Sebastian stared at her for a moment, his usual coldness giving way to something almost resembling Surprise. He had expected to see a beautiful, angelic presence, but instead, he saw this girl with her face flushed, a few stray tears in her eyes, and the visible signs of her clumsy fall. Despite her attempts to compose herself, she looked more silly than ever.

Alice felt a pang of shame wash over her. She had hoped for a dignified entrance, a moment where she could appear at least somewhat graceful, but now it seemed like all her clumsiness was on display for everyone to see. She could hear Midnight's soft, unspoken judgment, even though the raven remained silent.

Sebastian, still watching her with a slightly furrowed brow, took a small step toward her. His eyes softened slightly, his usual icy demeanor slipping ever so slightly as he watched Alice stand there, obviously embarrassed and a little hurt from the fall. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Alice quickly muttered, "I'm fine… I didn't hurt myself."

Sebastian didn't respond immediately. Instead, his gaze lingered on her a moment longer. Then, with a subtle nod, he gestured toward the table. "Come. Sit."

Alice blinked, her face still burning. She wasn't sure how to respond, but she walked toward the table, trying to ignore the pain in her knees and palms. She had never felt so out of place, yet somehow, she also felt like she didn't need to pretend here. Sebastian's quiet presence had a way of putting her at ease, even when she felt embarrassed.

Midnight, still silent for once, watched them closely, his keen eyes observing the delicate dynamics between them. Something had changed, though he couldn't quite place it. And for once, he didn't feel the need to mock Alice. Perhaps there was more to her than he had given her credit for.

As Alice sat down, trying to focus on the meal in front of her, she could feel the weight of Sebastian's gaze on her. His expression was unreadable, but for the first time, Alice wondered if maybe just maybe there was more to him than the cold exterior he always wore.

And as the meal began, she silently hoped that this dinner wouldn't be the last time she felt truly seen...

The picture he had so carefully imagined the graceful, delicate creature with soft features and an almost ethereal presence had crumbled before his eyes. Instead, he saw a flustered girl, her face flushed and her movements clumsy, as though she had been dashed against the harshness of her luck.

Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed as he watched her, the faintest flicker of emotion crossing his usually calm face. A fleeting thought flashed through his mind he had not expected this. The moment she had entered, he had anticipated an image of perfect composure, an unearthly beauty in contrast to the dark, big world he had inhabited for so long. But what he saw before him was not an ideal. It was far more... real.

In the quiet recess of his mind, Sebastian's thoughts turned more serious, far more reflective than his usual calculated demeanor might reveal. He stood there, watching Alice in silence, and the weight of his existence pressed upon him once more.

"Is this what it means to be human?" he thought to himself. "To carry such fragility, such vulnerability? To stumble and fall, and yet rise again without hesitation? How strange..."

As a reaper, his role was one of finality, guiding the souls to their destined end as part of the natural order of life and death. His presence was cold, his words devoid of warmth, and his heart, though not lacking in depth, was hardened by the endless stream of souls he had collected. The weight of his responsibilities had long since dulled the sharp edges of any sentiment.

Yet here before him, with flushed cheeks and trembling hands, was someone whose very existence seemed to contradict everything he had come to accept. Alice, in her messy, human imperfection, was not the vision of grace and poise he had imagined yet she was far more complex, far more real than any ideal could be.

"Perhaps," he mused, "it is the broken that truly understand the weight of life. The perfect are untouched, untouched by suffering. It is the imperfect who struggle, who fall and rise again... who truly live."

Sebastian's thoughts deepened, his gaze softening as he observed her. It was an odd sensation, one he had not felt in many years, to witness such raw humanity. He found himself considering the nature of his own existence, as well as his place in the grand scheme of things. What was the point of his eternal life, if he could not experience the very essence of living those fleeting moments of joy, sadness, and even failure?

He pondered, his heart heavy with contemplation. The flickering candlelight in the dining hall seemed to accentuate the stillness of the moment, and for the first time in years, Sebastian felt an unfamiliar stir within him a sense of something long buried.

But he swiftly pushed those thoughts aside, his disciplined nature reclaiming control. "I must remain steadfast," he reminded himself, his expression returning to its usual unreadable calm. "I cannot indulge in such distractions."

Yet even as he thought this, he couldn't entirely dismiss the feeling that something within him had shifted something in Alice's vulnerability had touched a part of him that he had long thought was beyond reach.