6- NEVER- WILL HE DIE BEFORE I DO?

VIOLET POV

" Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Silver's dad, Mr. Rider asked as he ran a few tests on Rufus.

I bring Rufus to him at least one day a week for a checkup. But this week I've brought Rufus to him three times. I don't intend to take advantage of his kindness, but Rufus has been acting strange lately, and it's making me worried.

This morning, he didn't get out of bed despite the snack I brought to lure him out of bed. He's been shivering and whining since morning I am afraid something bad might happen to him. He is just a year old and he is still a pup. He's too young to die.

" Rufus got sick and I couldn't leave him home all alone." I lie with a straight face.

Aunt Mary returned from a day's vacation at her boyfriend's place. She has no job, so she stays home all day, and she likes Rufus a lot. Sometimes, I get jealous when they spend too much time together because Rufus is the only one I can truly talk to. He doesn't speak, but I know he listens. He barks every time, I complete a pivotal statement, so I would know he's listening.

I haven't told him I have cancer yet, but I think he found out last week when I skipped my meds and started breathing so hard that I fell off my bed, crawled to the hallway, and screamed for someone to help me.

Dad wasn't around; only Aunt Mary, Rufus, and I were home that day. Rufus ran out to call her from the front porch where she normally stood to talk to her boyfriend, Carl, over the phone every evening.

Rufus saved my life, and at that moment, I believed I saved him from being thrown away so he could save my life. But, that belief sank under when I realized I would die soon.

" Oh, I see." Mr. Rider's lips try to curve into a smile, but he frowns when he looks at me. His brows furrowed as he brought his face closer to take a good look at mine. " Are you okay? You look pale."

I turn to the flower vase by his oval-shaped window and pretend to be interested in it. " I'm fine, Mr. Rider. Taking care of a sick dog wears me thin sometimes."

At this point, I wonder if I will make it to heaven because I've lied so much in the past twenty-seven hours. I woke up today with seventy messages, a hundred-plus missed calls, and countless letters in my mailbox. Apparently, people are surprised I didn't go to school yesterday. I have never missed school for once, not even when my heart was inside an oven. I am always the first to be seen on a desk during classes. I am never late for classes. I got straight A's and perfect attendance so I could go to college and be eligible for the only good job left in this world.

Everything I did was to repay all that Dad had done for me. Yesterday, I woke up and realized I had wasted his time and mine.

" You should give yourself enough rest." He turns back to Rufus and puts some devices on his body. Refills his pen. Tick something on a paper. Scrutinized a sample of Rufus' poo in a petri dish. He rubs his brows and scratches his neck, and someone is knocking uncontrollably on my heart.

" Is he going to be okay?" I'm not sure I said that out loud because I didn't hear myself.

" I want to say yes but I'm afraid I can't." He ticks something on the paper again before turning to me. " I have detected parvovirus in his poo as well as his intestines."

" You can cure him from it, right? Rufus would be okay. Tell me he'd be okay." I'm shaking and crying and holding on to Rufus who is unconscious.

" I'm afraid I can't. The virus has spread far off to places beyond my control. I don't have the medical equipment to treat him for it. The only suggestion is to—"

I stick out a hand, signaling him to stop talking. My eyes are shut as I run a hand through the hair on Rufus' body. There is no Doctor in the hospital capable of treating animals. The only Vets available are in the Utopic world and I know there is no way I can get there. There is no way I can save Rufus.

He's too young to die.

Mr. Rider said he needed to run more tests on Rufus to be sure he didn't have more things wrong with him.

I am sitting by his office window, looking at the burnt houses, broken roads, and burnt-down trees, all standing like captives in front of the multiple skyscrapers a few miles away. I cannot help but think of all the things those people have taken from us. They took our freedom. Our lives. Our food. Electricity. Our peace and sanity. I want to match up to that place and burn it all down. Tear it to pieces, but I am just a fragile eighteen-year-old living in the disillusion of her thoughts.

Silver returned home at five. She said a lot of words and laughed at a lot of things I used to find funny, but I don't anymore. I say one or two words to her statements and she doesn't seem to care or notice that I am not okay because that's who she is. That's how everyone is.

" How is Jacob?" I say when she stops talking about Aaron's taut abs as she takes a moment to catch her breath.

" He is still at the hospital. That asshole's mum is paying for his treatment. " Silver rolls her eyes and grimaces. " I'm glad she is; next time, she'll learn to train her son properly. " She pops the bubble gum in her mouth. " Have you seen what he did to Jacob's face? I wonder how a human being can be so cruel. Sometimes I think he's a part of the Mafia."

There is a lot I want to say to Silver. There are a lot of things I want to say to oppose her statement, but I chose to keep quiet because I knew she'd get suspicious if I spoke.

I hope Ethan is fine. I hope he didn't get suspended or expelled because of me. No one has ever stood up for me. No one had dared to bark at Jacob for the way he spoke to me. I want to see Ethan again, I want to look into his eyes and tell him I am grateful for what he did. He is a good brother and a good human being, Jacob and everyone else is wrong about him.

" Why would you even try approaching that psycho?" Silver says and I am tempted to drag that gum out of her mouth and stick it to her face.

" He is not a psycho."

Silver scoffs and pops the gum again. " Not according to the census, he's not… Yeah, that reminds me." She looked away from her nails, she was polishing before staring at me with a puzzled expression. " He said four words today and he said them to me."

"Who?"

" Mr. Psycho."

I hold a scoff. " Oh really? What did he say?"

" Have. You. Seen. Violet."

I am about to laugh but she doesn't look like she's joking, so my mouth hangs open instead. I want to say something but my phone rings. It's Aunt Mary. I excuse myself and go to the back porch to answer the call.

" How's Rufus?"

" Mr. Rider is still running some tests on him. " I have learned not to discuss important things over the phone because someone may just be monitoring me.

" Oh. How many minutes do you think it's going to take before the tests are completed?"

" He said fifteen minutes or less, three minutes ago."

" Great! Come quickly, you have a handsome guest waiting to see you."

" Are you sure it isn't one of your boyfriends?" She does this prank a lot of times.

" Why don't you come home and see for yourself."