Fourth Prince - Renjie Was Furious

Ganimedzu-no-kami Renjie was furious. Livid. Beside himself with rage! He had planned to reveal the traitors and stir the pot. "Reveal the Traitors; Stir the Pot" was an even better slogan than "Be Appeased; Take the Money."

Then the pot started stirring itself.

How awesome was that? Pretty gosh darn awesome.

Then that Man made an unforced error. Incredible! He may have been in charge of running the Empire, but Jade Palace Mound belonged to the Empress. She had the strongest asura mhoddim component on record. Ever. Even if there was someone equal to her back when Harlecuin Sols was alive and not a ghost, that someone was probably just a previous incarnation. Snowblind Tigress treated the Empress with unquestioning respect.

That's how badass the Empress was. 

Because she was in charge of Jade Palace Mound, the Royal Guard reported to her. Consequently, if someone was going to confine a red panda demon to his room, that someone could only have been the Empress. The Guard refused to implement That Man's order because That Man had overstepped. Also, Renjie may have used some mhoddim interface of his own.

The demonic red panda wasn't sure how his component worked. Not exactly. But he had one. That was true even if he lacked combat skills and could only kill a fly with a flyswatter, by accident, if he dropped the swatter because he was using it to help a spider – but the spider started crawling for his hand. The red panda demon wasn't afraid of spiders. But he had been informed by knowledgeable parties that some spiders ate cute boys when they hid in the bushes to tickle themselves, so caution was advised.

Anyway… weird magic that worked on its own was a thing with Warakirikoban nobility. The cuter the noble, the weirder the magic. Renjie's family stood at the apex of cuteness, and Renjie stood at the apex of his family, so his weird Warakirikoban magic was obviously strong.

The recruit named Garrett wasn't cute, but he was handsome. He was also too new to know the Empress was his commander-in-chief – not the Emperor. As a result, the recruit named Garrett got the Emperor out of a bind. That Man would otherwise have been forced to ask Left Attendant to ask the Empress for permission to confine Renjie. Even if the Empress consented in order to avoid more drama, That Man would have been humiliated.

Which would have been awesome.

Instead, Renjie was being escorted out of the building by another teenager.

Garrett wasn't as tall or broad-shouldered as Bon Bao. He had a dependable square face, an athletic build that fit well in a Guard uniform – really well – and frothy, sweat-based body odor. The recruit named Garret belonged in a fraternity, not on top of Jade Palace Mound. What mercurial twist of Fate caused him to interrupt Renjie's plan? 

The red panda demon got uncomfortably close to Garrett's back and pulled as much of the frothy, sweat-based body odor into his small lungs as possible. That made things better. There was also the fact that Garrett was obviously the person Iba Algi said wanted to protect her.

"Princess Iba Algi called you 'nice,'" grumbled Renjie as they approached a rickshaw.

"Really?" asked Garrett eagerly.

Goofy athletic bumpkins covered in sweat-based odors were hard not to like.

"She said you wanted to protect her," said Renjie.

"That's amazing!" said Garrett. "How did she know?"

Renjie rested his small hands on his exquisitely sharp hips.

"Weren't you listening to anything That Man said?"

"Which man?" asked Garrett.

Renjie threw up his hands.

"The Emperor!" he said.

Garrett dropped down onto one knee. Renjie pulled him back up. His body was so firm!

"There will be none of that!" said Renjie. "The whole reason any of this happened is because That Man is afraid Princess Iba Algi's will learn his dirty secrets."

"Won't she?" asked Garrett.

"Impossible!"

"Why?"

"Too many secrets!" cried Renjie. "Not enough hours in a day!"

He climbed into the rickshaw.

Garrett was not a good driver. But his fantastic legs were attached to a fantastic round booty that shook well. Also, the longer he ran, the more he smelled like frothy sweat. Renjie was sorely tempted to crawl out of the rickshaw and onto his driver's back, but there were some dangerous cracks on the route and it was best not to risk distractions. The athletic bumpkin was trying hard, but didn't really know how to balance the rickshaw properly.

When the rickshaw finally reached Plum Terrace Palace, Renjie's mother was waiting in front with his sister Rangiku. Plum Terrace Palace's Attendant was also there. Renjie groaned. More humiliation. Both the Fifth Consort and Sixth Princess were taller than the Fourth Prince. That made no sense. Renjie's mother was full Warakirikoban. Aside from the anomalous heights, however, the family resemblances were unmistakable.

They were practically clones of one another.

Renjie held up an adorable little hand.

"I know," he said. "I know!"

"What's the matter, darling?" asked his mother. "We haven't said anything about your unjust persecution at the hands of That Man and his wicked sycophants."

She was enjoying this.

"Renjie is not the one being persecuted," wailed the Sixth Princess. "I am the victim!"

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Consort Su asked her daughter.

"If he can't leave," said Rangiku, "then he will be sliding around the floors in just his socks whenever I have friends over."

"Do you really do that?" asked Garrett.

"He does!" insisted the princess. "He slides around on the floors with socks on his feet and hands."

"And that's all he wears?" asked Garrett.

"Yes," said Rangiku.

"You really are a pervert," Garrett told Renjie. "I should introduce you to Corporal Resk."

Even the Attendant laughed. Renjie wagged a small finger, sternly.

"You are not supposed to get involved in politics," he lectured.

"Sliding around in socks is political?" asked Garrett.

"It's a political metaphor!"

"What metaphor?" cried his sister. "It's sex addiction!"

"What sex addiction?" cried Renjie. "We're all virgins here!"

"Not all of us," said Consort Su. "Is this the young man Iba Algi spoke highly of?"

Garrett blushed. Renjie agreed Garrett was that person, introduced him, and commented on the fact Garrett had spoken highly of the trees on the terraces. Garrett, in turn, volunteered that he had grown up on a vineyard which included orchards. That delighted the Sixth Princess, who tended the trees of Plum Terrace Palace and was basically a druid. The recruit called Garrett and the Sixth Princess inched closer to one another. Renjie was about to get in between – but his mother struck first.

"Show Garrett around the terraces, sweetheart," said Consort Su. "Then find him a room."

"What?" cried Renjie.

"The Attendant tells me we have been instructed to keep this young man here while Her Majesty decides where to post him next," said Consort Su. "The Guard will be sending over your things."

Renjie looked at the Attendant. The automaton bowed politely.

"Why would we keep this fragrant bumpkin here?" demanded the Fourth Prince.

The Sixth Princess took Garrett's arm.

"I can think of a few reasons," she said.

"That's sex addiction!" said Renjie.

"What sex addiction?" asked Rangiku.

They left without another word.

"I'm going to take a bath," announced Renjie.

"Of course, darling," said his mother.

Renjie stomped to his room and then to his baths. There were six tubs. The water in each had different mineral content – and was maintained at a different temperature. Renjie chose the hottest tub. It was too hot. He chose the coldest tub. It was too cold. He settled on the tub that was just right.

By posting the recruit named Garrett at Plum Terrace Palace, the Empress was implicitly endorsing That Man's unjust confinement of the Fourth Prince. She was also taking action. It was a small action, but the Empress remained aloof from everything. Any action she took therefore required scrutiny. 

What could stationing a fragrant bumpkin at Plum Terrace Palace mean?

"Iba Algi!" called Renjie. "Iba Algi!"

He flailed his arms in the water. Steaming streaks accentuated his exquisite rock-climbing muscles. Renjie's body was tight. Tight! But no matter how amazing his dense, wiry muscles looked, a tight body alone couldn't always get the Fourth Prince what he wanted.

Sometimes, he needed to meditate.

He meditated. Iba Algi's astral projection appeared along with a warm, fuzzy, indistinct presence that could only have been Harlecuin Sols. Iba Algi pretended to cover up her eyes.

The warm fuzzy presence jumped into a tub and splashed. Real water flew everywhere.

That was pretty convincing.

"Why would you call us from a bathtub?" asked Iba Algi.

"I call you from a bathtub all the time!" replied Renjie.

"Did everything go according to plan?" asked Iba Algi.

"No," pouted Renjie. "You withheld pertinent information!"

"I don't think so," said Iba Algi.

Renjie stood up and stamped his feet. Iba Algi pretended to cover her eyes.

"Why would Her Majesty post that b-o-y here?" demanded Renjie.

"We've been over this," said Iba Algi. "Her Majesty's mhoddim component is so strong, it interferes with precognition and divination. Only she knows what she's up to."

"How convenient," said Renjie.

"Isn't it?"

"The Empress talks to you more than anyone!"

"Maybe," agreed Iba Algi.

Renjie fought a splash war with Harlecuin Sols. Then his mother came in.

"Mom!" cried the Fourth Prince. "I'm in the tub!"

"Half in," agreed his mother. "Hello Princess!"

"Hello, Consort Su!"

"Can you see Iba Algi's astral projection?" asked Renjie.

"Who else would you be talking to?" asked Consort Su. "There's more water on the floor than in all the tubs combined. Haven't you learned how to bath yourself yet?"

Renjie folded his exquisite, steaming arms across his exquisite, steaming chest.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Your aunt's favorite woodworking collective finished a new line of Warakirikoban bath toys," said Consort Su. "She thought you would like some. I'll leave them here. If you try any, be sure to use plenty of oil and stop if it hurts too much."

Consort Su placed the bath toys on a nearby stand and left. Renjie picked one up. Iba Algi and Harlecuin Sols pressed close and stared at it in confusion.

"It doesn't look like a toy to me," said Iba Algi. "Why would it hurt?"

"You're too young to look at these!" said Renjie. "Cover your eyes again!"

"Why are Warakirikobans so strange?" Iba Algi asked Harlecuin Sols.

"I don't know!" said Harlecuin Sols. "Do you know, Iba Algi?"

"I don't know, Harlecuin Sols," said Iba Algi.

"What's our next move?" asked Renjie.

"Just sit tight for a few days," said Iba Algi.

The Fourth Prince's initial giggle built into uncontrollable laughter.

"He's lost his mind," said Harlecuin Sols.

"I think so too," agreed Iba Algi.