The squad

With the sudden explosion at the entrance of Squad Bastards' base, Leon is knocked out for about five hours—long enough for night to fall.

"Uhhh... Aua."

Leon wakes up on a brown couch, still wearing only his underwear, staring up at a black wooden ceiling. He groans and grabs his head.

"Are these bandages? When did these get around my head?" Leon squints and looks around.

To his left, another couch. To his right, a broken one slumped on top of a tattered carpet. The entire base has a black wooden interior. He glances left—the door is gone. To his right, a board with six names is nailed to the wall.

"Wait… is this inside the base? The demon's den!" Leon screeches.

"It's pretty rude to assume something based on a few things you've been told. That's called a stereotype," a voice replies calmly.

"Ahh, where did that come from? Is there a ghost in here?! Please don't haunt me and my family—I'll leave right now!" Leon yelps, dropping to his knees in prayer.

"No, you buffoon. How about instead of yapping, you look forward!"

Leon looks toward the kitchen at the other side of the room. Sitting at a coffee table is a person of average build with feminine features, completely wrapped in bandages. A monitor sits in front of her, and four computers glow behind her.

"We aren't a den of demons, by the way. In fact, I took time out of my busy day to soothe your head injury with those bandages," she says, pointing to him.

Leon pauses for three seconds.

"Ahhhhh! It's even worse—it's an Egyptian mummy! Please don't curse me or eat my insides. I didn't mean to enter your tomb!"

"I'm just going to ignore that. And for the record, these bandages are because of my allergies." She sighs. "You should watch your words, though. What you said wasn't that bad, but keep going and I could've canceled you."

"Oh yes, the legendary Twitter cancellation. I'll be careful. But, uh, what kind of allergies need all those bandages?"

"Not important. What matters is—you're Leon Abelof, the new member of Squad Bastards, right?"

"Well, yes, that's me, but—"

"Perfect. I was gonna leave you there to bleed out at the entrance until I remembered we had a new recruit. Glad Axel didn't bang you up too bad with that explosion. Name's Raven Chyper, and with the captain out on an S-rank mission, I am currently in charge. Welcome to Squad Bastards."

Leon quickly gets off the floor and approaches her.

"Yes, hello—sorry for my earlier outburst," Leon says, offering his hand.

"Before you go shaking hands, maybe you should put some clothes on first, you pervert," Raven scolds.

"Oh crap!"

Leon instantly covers up his crotch, his face red with embarrassment.

Suddenly, a loud boom! rocks the house.

"Ahhhhh! It's a nuke!" Leon screams, dropping and rolling on the floor.

"It's not a nuke, you peabrain. And even if it was, what exactly was stop-drop-and-roll going to do?" Raven asks, deadpan.

A door near the kitchen bursts open. A six-foot dark-skinned man strides in, wearing a black hoodie with silver accents on the shoulders and back. Hood up, loose black jeans, and black-and-white Jordans.

"Sorry, Raven—my new explosions are getting harder to control. But don't worry, soon the tick-tick-boom will be under wraps," he says with a sickly smirk.

"I keep telling you, Axel—if you keep testing explosions inside the base, we won't have a base. Go outside!" Raven snaps.

Axel pulls back his hood, revealing a spiky afro with a fade and his black vintage goggles hiding his hazel eyes.

"There's no way to calm the ticking in my head without some destruction. After the boom… comes the peace. Now stop bullshitting—who the hell is this?" he says, pointing to Leon.

"You seriously don't remember knocking him out? He's the new guy—victim of your third explosion today," Raven replies, clearly irritated.

"Uhh… my name is Leon Abelof. I don't know anything about ticking in your head, and please don't tell me," Leon mutters.

"Oh, so you are the idiot who got knocked out. Why didn't you just dodge it?"

"How the fuck do you dodge an explosion? I'm not Goku!" Leon shouts.

"You jump out of the way, duhhh, dumbass," Axel replies, full of confidence.

"You must think I took the super soldier serum or something, because what are you on!" Leon shouts, flailing.

"Hahahahaha! You know… you might be an idiot in underwear, but I think I like you. You're not afraid to talk back."

"Ayo—I don't swing that way, bro," Leon adds quickly.

"Not like that, broski! Chill. I meant I'll show you the ropes," Axel laughs, thumping his chest.

"Axel, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. We should wait until the captain returns," Raven interjects.

"Sit tight, kid." Axel turns toward her.

"I'm 27!" Leon calls out.

Axel plops down at the coffee table, sliding Raven's monitor aside.

"Didn't you mention there's a B-rank mission tomorrow? One with a high chance of success?" he asks with a cocky grin.

"Yes, but I was going to give it to Roxie. She's more suited for it," Raven replies.

"Come on, gang—don't be like that. Let me take the newbie. It'll be a good first run for him, right?"

Raven exhales, dragging the monitor back in front of her.

"And are you sure you want to bring the newbie?" she asks with suspicion.

"Yes, I'm very sure. Plus…" 

Axel starts to giggle. Something dark flashes in his eyes.

"I want to see how long it takes to break this German wimp."

"You know I can still hear you, right!" Leon shouts.

"Fine, Axel. You can take the mission. But don't fuck it up," Raven demands.

"Come on—you know the Three Big Fs. We're not coming back until the mission's done."

Axel strides over to Leon, who is still on the ground.

"Why the fuck are you still down there, gang?"

"Oh… I guess I forgot I could get up."

"Name's Axel Fuse. You're about to hit the field." He helps Leon to his feet. "How often do you wear suits?"

"Umm, never. And you said the field? Wait—where are we going?"

"We're heading to Vermont to go put some witness in a Runtz pack. I'll go get you some clothes," Axel says, walking upstairs and sliding off his goggles.

"Huh?! I just got in trouble for killing people—no, not again!"