Wisdom of my brother-in-law

"What is this?" I asked Takumi. He stood before me, extending a folded piece of paper.

"A letter from Fujimura-sama, your honorable brother-in-law," the chamberlain replied.

I looked at the letter with some hesitation. Why would this Fujimura write to me? Why now? Reluctantly, I took the paper from Takumi and opened it, snapping the seals.

"It's an invitation to visit Fujimura Nobuhiro," I said, reading the missive. "He's expecting us right away." I glanced at Takumi. "What could he possibly want?"

"If I might make a guess, master, the Fujimura family learned about your upcoming second marriage and are worried about its impact on the terms of your agreement with them," he said solemnly.

"Do you have to always express yourself in such a pompous way?" I blurted.

Takumi bowed his head in supplication. "I beg your pardon, master."

I rolled my eyes. He clearly didn't grasp the concept of not being pompous.

"Anyway, is there anything I should know or prepare for?" I asked. "Is this meeting request going to cause problems?"

"I don't think so, master," Takumi replied. "If you reaffirm to the Fujimuras that all clauses of the original agreement are going to stay intact, that should suffice and pacify them for good."

"So, I shouldn't try to get out of the trip?"

Takumi bowed. The man never shakes his head, which is exasperating. "On the contrary, master, I would strongly advise attending the meeting as requested, because the only problem that could arise would be an affront caused by declining the invitation."

I shrugged. Alright, I won't cause unnecessary problems to myself and listen to my domestic guru, as I had pledged.

"When should we leave then?" I asked.

"First thing in the morning," Takumi replied.

In case you're not aware, the seaside Jōetsu City is even further away from my place than Matsumoto City. Accordingly, we arrived there only in late afternoon and made our way through its busy streets to my brother-in-law's place.

We left our horses in charge of an aged servant and walked down a raked gravel path through a small garden to the main house.

Fujimura Nobuhiro met me in a sitting room lined with lacquered tables holding imported porcelain vases and flower displays. There were pretty scroll paintings hung on the walls, and a couple of pillows with expensive textile covers were placed on the tatami for the host and the guest.

"It's a pleasure to host you, my brother-in-law," said Nobuhiro after formal greetings were concluded. "I've always felt you were more than a friend to me."

"You are very kind, Fujimura-sama," I replied, again missing the context of what occurred prior to my arrival in the Edo times.

"Let's drop the formalities," he smiled. "Just call me Nobuhiro."

"It would be an honor, Nobuhiro-dono."

"Our family was informed that you intend to take another wife, Taro-dono," said my brother-in-law. "There is a considerable concern around the initial arrangements stipulated in your marriage contract."

This time I was pleased with Takumi. He was right on the money and prepared me well.

I looked Nobuhiro in the eye and nodded. "That's correct, Nobuhiro-dono, I am taking the second wife. However, I can assure you and your family council that there will be absolutely no changes to the agreement with your family. On the contrary, I would like to strengthen my alliance with the honorable Fujimura clan by offering you additional land on my property for use in your trade."

Nobuhiro looked clearly satisfied. "Would that accommodate your second wife's family's expectations?" he asked.

"It will," I replied. "She's not from a wealthy family."

Nobuhiro smiled. "Then our business is almost concluded, Taro-dono. I'm sorry to drag you out here on such a short notice. My sister and uncles were worried for nothing."

I stared, surprised. "My wife was concerned?"

"Yes," Nobuhiro raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know?"

I shook my head.

"Let's move to the tea room, then, and you'll tell me all about it," Nobuhiro said.

In Nobuhiro's private tea room, we drank tea and sake and talked, gradually more and more openly. Eventually I told him about what had happened recently between me and Yukiko.

Nobuhiro shook his head and said, "Taro-dono, I get a sense that you were being too lenient. I hope you forgive me for saying it so bluntly, but you have too much softness about your demeanor. To lead a happy family life, you have to ensure that a woman knows her place very clearly. The wife's role is to support her husband, not to question him. Some women forget that. When that happens, a firm hand is required!" Nobuhiro slapped my shoulder. "Don't hesitate, Taro-dono. Never allow your wife to step out of line."

I took another sip. "Yukiko wouldn't listen. Was she always this strong-headed?"

Nobuhiro waved his arm. "You see, it doesn't matter, Taro-dono. Don't let her think she has a choice in matters of command. She shouldn't have a choice to be strong-headed in your household!"

"But how?"

"A firm hand, Taro-dono! A firm hand. Whenever she crosses the line, you must punish her. A good beating will show her that insubordination will not be tolerated, and she will quickly learn to respect your rules. If you do not punish her disobedience, you will lose respect not just from her, but from your servants, your neighbors, and eventually your peers. Your word must be law. A wife is like a field—if it is not cultivated with care and discipline, it will grow wild."

My mistakes suddenly became abundantly clear to me. "You're so wise, Nobuhiro-dono!" I exclaimed. "Have you applied this approach?"

He laughed. "But of course, my dear Taro-dono! For the first few weeks I showed my wife the strength of my character and my fists. Mostly good slaps sufficed, but a couple of times I had to use a cane to make my point."

I stared. "Did you? And she didn't resent that later?"

"Remember, Taro-dono, she shouldn't have that choice," he repeated. "Her place is to obey, not to be happy or resentful. If a slap across the face didn't give you what you want, use a belly punch. Even if she bruises, it will be a good reminder to her for many days. Before you know it, she'll be putty in your hands. You'll see for yourself," he said, picking up a small wooden clapper. He shook it twice, and almost immediately one of the doors slid open and a servant's head appeared in the gap.

"Run and fetch Madam to join us," Nobuhiro barked.

He turned to me and smiled. "Let me show you how women in my house follow my absolute authority, my dear Taro-dono."