chapter 13: true feelings

The inn's common room was dimly lit, the flickering glow of the hearth casting long shadows across the wooden walls. Daren and I sat at a corner table, the quiet hum of the inn's sparse patrons filling the space. My fingers traced the rim of my mug as I stared into its contents, trying to process everything that had happened at the shrine. Daren, as usual, was calm and composed, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, though I could tell his mind was working just as hard as mine. "You think the girls found anything useful?" I asked, breaking the silence. Daren shrugged, his sharp gray eyes flicking toward the door. "If they did, we'll hear about it soon enough. Knowing them, it's probably a mixed bag of useful information and whatever chaos Alaria decided to stir up." I smirked faintly, though my thoughts were still heavy. The weight of Veylara's words and the oppressive energy of the shrine lingered in my chest like a stone. The door to the inn creaked open, and I turned to see Kaivya stepping inside, her golden, reptilian eyes scanning the room. She looked slightly irritated, her tail flicking behind her as she stomped toward us. "Where are the others?" Daren asked, straightening in his chair.

"Right behind me," Kaivya replied, her voice sharp. "And you're going to want to brace yourself. Things are about to get… loud."

Before I could ask what she meant, Alaria burst through the door, her emerald eyes blazing with anger. Elaris followed close behind, her usually calm expression taut with frustration. The tension between them crackled like a live wire, and it was clear they'd been arguing the entire way back. "I can't believe you," Alaria snapped, her voice cutting through the room like a blade. "You think just because you're older and wiser or whatever that you can just swoop in and—"

"Alaria, enough," Elaris interrupted, her tone firm but controlled. "This isn't the time or place."

"Oh, isn't it?" Alaria shot back, crossing her arms as she fixed Elaris with a glare. "Because it sure seems like you don't care about time or place when it comes to him." I blinked, completely caught off guard. "Wait, what's going on?" Kaivya sauntered over, clearly enjoying the chaos. "They've been at each other's throats since we left the village," she said with a smirk. "Apparently, Alaria's mad because Elaris 'stole her claim.'"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, completely confused. Kaivya leaned against the table, her smirk widening. "Oh, you know. She's mad because Elaris is cozying up to you, and apparently, Alaria had dibs first." I felt my face heat up as the pieces clicked into place. "Dibs? What—"

"You're making it sound ridiculous," Alaria snapped, rounding on Kaivya before turning back to Elaris. "But you know what I mean. I liked him first! And you knew that, Elaris!" Elaris' lavender eyes darkened, her calm demeanor finally cracking. "This isn't about 'liking' him, Alaria," she said, her voice low and cutting. "This is about the fact that you think Noctis is some sort of prize to be claimed. He's a person, not a trophy."

"Oh, spare me the righteous act," Alaria shot back, her voice dripping with venom. "You're not some saint, Elaris. You've been hanging all over him for weeks now. Don't act like you're above it." The room went silent for a moment, the tension so thick it was almost suffocating. And then, without warning, Elaris stepped forward and slapped Alaria across the face. The sharp crack of it echoed through the room, drawing the attention of every patron in the inn.

Alaria froze, her hand flying to her cheek as her emerald eyes widened in shock. For a moment, it seemed like she didn't know how to react. Then her expression twisted into a mix of anger and hurt.

"You didn't just do that," she said, her voice trembling slightly.

"I did," Elaris replied, her voice steady but laced with anger. "Because you needed to hear this, and apparently, words weren't enough. You don't own Noctis. No one does. He makes his own choices, and you need to respect that." Alaria's jaw tightened, and she opened her mouth to argue, but Kaivya stepped between them, holding up her hands. "All right, that's enough," she said, her tone surprisingly firm. "I love a good fight as much as the next person, but this is getting embarrassing. Take it outside if you're going to keep going."

Elaris took a step back, her hands trembling slightly as she exhaled deeply. "You're right," she said quietly, her lavender eyes flicking to me. "I'm sorry, Noctis. You didn't deserve to be dragged into this." I shook my head, still trying to process everything. "It's… fine," I said, though my voice sounded far less certain than I would have liked. Alaria didn't say anything, her gaze lingering on Elaris for a moment longer before she turned and stormed out of the room. The tension in the air didn't dissipate, but it felt a little less suffocating with her gone.

Elaris looked at me again, her expression softening. "I'm sorry," she said again, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'll… I'll see you later." With that, she turned and walked out, leaving me alone with Daren and Kaivya. I sank back into my chair, running a hand through my hair as I let out a long, shaky breath.

"Well," Daren said, breaking the silence. "That was… something."

Kaivya smirked, her golden eyes glinting with amusement. "You've got quite the fan club, Noctis. Must be exhausting."

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "You have no idea."

The warmth of the fire flickered in the inn's common room, casting dancing shadows along the worn wooden walls. The echoes of the earlier confrontation still hung in the air, but the room itself had grown quieter. I sat slumped in my chair, staring at the remnants of the drink in my mug as if it could somehow provide the answers I needed. Daren leaned back in his chair across from me, his usual calm demeanor replaced by something softer—curiosity and maybe a hint of sympathy. Kaivya, however, was anything but subtle. She sat sideways in her chair, one leg draped over the other, her golden, reptilian eyes narrowing at me like a predator waiting for its prey to spill its secrets.

"So," Kaivya began, her voice breaking the silence like a whip, "you gonna tell us what the hell that was about, or are we just going to sit here pretending everything's fine?" I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's… complicated."

Kaivya snorted, her tail flicking against the leg of her chair. "It's always 'complicated' with you, Noctis. Come on, spit it out. Alaria storms out, Elaris slaps her, and you're just sitting here acting like you don't have a clue. You're in the middle of this mess whether you like it or not." Daren shot her a look, his gray eyes sharp but not unkind. "Ease up, Kaivya. Let him breathe." She rolled her eyes but didn't say anything more, leaning back and crossing her arms as if to say fine, your turn.

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of their stares pressing down on me. "I… don't know what to do," I admitted, my voice low. "Alaria and I have known each other for years. She's been there through a lot. But Elaris… she's different." Kaivya raised an eyebrow. "Different how? Because from where I'm standing, she's got you wrapped around her little finger."

"That's not fair," I shot back, my voice sharper than I intended. "Elaris has been nothing but kind to me. She's always looked out for me, even when she didn't have to. She—" I stopped myself, shaking my head. "She makes me feel like I'm worth something."

Daren's expression softened, and he leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. "And Alaria? What does she make you feel?"

I hesitated, searching for the right words. "She makes me feel… safe, in a way," I said slowly. "She's always been there, even when things were hard. But it's not the same. With Elaris, it's… more. It's deeper." Kaivya snorted again, though this time it lacked her usual bite. "So, you're saying you love Elaris." I froze, her words hitting me like a punch to the gut. Love? The idea had lingered in the back of my mind for a while now, but hearing it out loud was different. It felt heavier, more real.

"I… I think I do," I admitted quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. Kaivya smirked, but there was something softer in her gaze now, almost understanding. "Well, there you have it. So what's the problem?"

"The problem," I said, my voice growing frustrated, "is Alaria. I can't just throw her aside. She's my friend. She's done so much for me. And now she feels like I've betrayed her."

"Alaria feels like she owns you," Kaivya corrected, her tone sharp again. "There's a difference. Just because she's been in your life longer doesn't mean you owe her… whatever she thinks she's entitled to."

"Kaivya," Daren said warningly, but she waved him off.

"No, I'm serious," she continued, her golden eyes locking onto mine. "You care too much about what people think, Noctis. You let their feelings weigh you down until you're stuck, unable to make a decision. Alaria will get over it. Or she won't. But either way, you can't let her dictate your life." Her words stung, mostly because I knew she was right. I looked down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the edge of my sleeve. "I just don't want to hurt anyone," I muttered. Daren let out a heavy sigh, his voice steady but kind. "Noctis, sometimes there's no avoiding it. People get hurt. It's part of life. But what's worse is dragging things out and hurting them more in the long run. Be honest—with them and with yourself. It's the only way forward." I nodded slowly, their words sinking in like stones into a pond. "I don't know how to tell Alaria," I admitted. "She's… intense." Kaivya laughed, the sound surprisingly light. "That's putting it mildly. But look, Alaria's tougher than she lets on. She'll survive. And honestly, it's better to rip the bandage off now than to keep stringing her along."

I glanced at Daren, who nodded in agreement. "Kaivya's right," he said. "The longer you wait, the harder it'll be—for both of you." For the first time that night, I felt a small flicker of clarity. It wasn't much, but it was enough to hold onto. "Thanks," I said quietly, looking between them. "Both of you. I needed this." Kaivya shrugged, though there was a faint smile on her lips. "That's what we're here for, kid." Daren chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "You'll figure it out, Noctis. Just… don't overthink it too much."

I smiled faintly, the weight on my chest feeling just a little lighter. "I'll try."

As the fire crackled softly beside us, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the strange, mismatched family I'd found myself with. No matter what lay ahead, I knew I wouldn't have to face it alone.

The wooden floor creaked beneath my boots as I made my way to Elaris' room in the quiet inn. The soft glow of the lanterns lining the hallway flickered faintly, casting long shadows against the aged wooden walls. My heart pounded with every step, my thoughts racing as I reached her door. I raised my hand to knock but hesitated, the weight of everything I was about to say pressing down on me. With a deep breath, I rapped softly on the door. There was a moment of silence before the door creaked open, revealing Elaris' gentle lavender eyes. The tension in her face softened the moment she saw me, and without a word, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around me. Her embrace was warm and grounding, and for a moment, it felt like the world outside didn't exist.

"Noctis," she murmured, her voice soft but filled with relief. "You're okay. I… I was worried after everything earlier." I closed my eyes, leaning into her touch. "I'm fine, Elaris. I just… needed to talk to you."

She pulled back slightly, her hands resting on my shoulders as she studied my face. "Come in," she said, stepping aside to let me through. The room was modest but cozy, the faint scent of lavender lingering in the air. A single candle flickered on the nightstand, casting a warm glow over the neatly made bed and the small desk cluttered with her belongings. I stepped inside, the door clicking shut behind me, and turned to face her.

Elaris stood a few feet away, her golden hair cascading over her shoulders like a river of light. She watched me with a mixture of concern and curiosity, her hands clasped in front of her as if bracing herself for whatever I was about to say. I took a deep breath, my palms damp with nervous sweat. "Elaris," I began, my voice trembling slightly. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. And after today, I… I can't keep it to myself anymore."

Her eyes widened slightly, her lips parting as if she wanted to speak, but she stayed silent, waiting for me to continue. "I love you," I said, the words spilling out in a rush. My chest tightened as I forced myself to meet her gaze. "I've loved you for a while now. I just… I didn't know how to say it. And I was scared. Scared that I'd ruin what we have, or that you wouldn't feel the same. But I can't keep pretending like it doesn't matter. You matter to me, Elaris. More than anything." The silence that followed was deafening. I held my breath, my heart hammering in my chest as I waited for her response. And then, slowly, a smile spread across her face—a smile so warm and genuine it felt like the sun breaking through a storm. "Oh, Noctis," she said, stepping forward and cupping my face in her hands. "I love you too. I've loved you for so long, but I didn't want to push you or make you feel like you had to feel the same. I was scared too. But hearing you say it… I can't even describe how happy it makes me."

Relief washed over me, and I let out a shaky laugh. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that." She leaned up, pressing her forehead against mine. "Then let me make it clear," she said softly. "I love you, Noctis. And if you're ready, I want this—us—to be official. I want everyone to know."

My chest swelled with warmth, and I nodded, a genuine smile spreading across my face. "I want that too." We stood there for a moment, wrapped in the quiet intimacy of the room, before I finally pulled away. "I should… probably talk to Alaria," I said, my tone hesitant.

Elaris' smile faded slightly, but she nodded. "Be careful with her," she said gently. "She's hurting, even if she doesn't show it the right way."

"I will," I promised, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze before leaving the room.

The walk to Alaria's room felt longer than it should have, every step weighed down by the knot of tension in my chest. When I finally reached her door, I hesitated, my hand hovering over the wood. With a deep breath, I knocked.

The door swung open almost immediately, and there she was—Alaria, her emerald eyes lighting up when she saw me. "Noctis!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug before I could even say a word. "You never come to my room anymore. I've missed you so much."

She dragged me inside, her grip on my arm firm as she pulled me toward the small bed. "I mean, seriously," she said, her voice rushing as if she'd been holding it in for days. "You're always with her now. We barely even talk anymore. I thought we were supposed to be close. What happened to us?"

"Alaria, stop," I said, my voice firmer than I intended. She froze, her eyes widening slightly as she looked up at me. "This is exactly what I came here to talk about."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice softer now, almost uncertain. I took a deep breath, stepping back to put some space between us. "Alaria, you're my friend. You've always been my friend, and I care about you. But I'm not… I'm not yours. I'm not your property."

Her face twisted into a mixture of anger and hurt, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you talking about? I never said you were my property."

"You might not say it," I replied, keeping my tone as calm as I could. "But you act like it. Like I owe you something just because we've known each other for a long time. But I can't… I can't keep doing this." Her expression darkened, and she took a step toward me. "So, what? You're just choosing her over me? Is that it?"

"It's not about choosing," I said, my voice rising slightly. "It's about what's right for me. And I can't let you keep pulling me back like this. I'm sorry, Alaria, but this isn't fair to either of us." She stared at me, her hands trembling slightly at her sides. For a moment, I thought she was going to yell or lash out, but instead, she turned away, her voice low and sharp. "Fine. If that's how you feel, then just go."

I hesitated, the weight of her words pressing down on me. But there was nothing else to say. Without another word, I turned and left the room, the door clicking shut behind me. My chest felt heavy, but as I made my way back down to the common area, a faint sense of relief began to settle in. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I was finally taking control of my own path.

I stepped into the common area of the inn, the warmth of the hearth brushing against my skin as the soft hum of conversations filled the air. My steps were slow and measured, the weight of what had just happened still pressing down on me like a heavy cloak. I glanced around the room, my eyes immediately catching the golden hair and soft lavender eyes of Elaris sitting at a table near the fire. She looked up as I approached, her expression softening as she gave me a faint smile. I pulled out the chair across from her and sank into it, letting out a long, tired breath. Her gaze searched my face, concern etched into every line of her expression. "How did it go?" she asked softly, her voice calm but laced with worry. "It wasn't easy," I admitted, leaning back in the chair. "She's angry. Hurt, probably. But I had to do it. I couldn't keep leading her on, not when I knew how I really felt."

Elaris nodded slowly, her hands clasped together on the table. "You did the right thing, Noctis. It's never easy to hurt someone, especially someone you care about. But honesty is always better than pretending everything is fine." I looked down at the table, my thoughts swirling. "I just wish it didn't have to be like this. Alaria's been there for me through so much, and now it feels like I've… ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything," Elaris said firmly, leaning forward slightly. "Alaria's feelings are her own, and how she chooses to deal with them is up to her. You can't take responsibility for everything, Noctis. Sometimes people just need time." I sighed, nodding faintly. "I hope you're right." She reached across the table, her hand brushing against mine. "I am."

Her touch was warm and grounding, and I couldn't help but feel a small flicker of hope amidst the lingering guilt. I turned my hand over, letting my fingers curl around hers as I met her gaze. "Thank you, Elaris," I said quietly. "For being here. For… everything."

Her smile grew, soft and genuine. "Always."

For a moment, the rest of the room faded away, the crackle of the fire and the hum of voices falling to the background. It was just the two of us, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt like I could breathe. The moment was interrupted by the sound of a chair scraping across the floor. I glanced over to see Daren dropping into a seat at a nearby table, a smirk playing on his lips as he watched us. "Well, you two look cozy," he said, his tone teasing but not unkind.

Elaris rolled her eyes, though there was a faint blush on her cheeks. "Do you ever stop commenting on other people's business?"

"Not when it's this entertaining," Daren replied, leaning back in his chair. "But seriously, you okay, Noctis? You looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders earlier."

"I'm fine," I said, though my voice was quieter than I intended. "Just… dealing with everything." He nodded, his expression softening. "Good. You've got a lot on your plate, but don't forget you've got us. We're not going anywhere."

"Except to flirt with the next barmaid," Elaris quipped, her lavender eyes sparkling with amusement. Daren laughed, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Guilty as charged." Despite everything, I found myself smiling. The heaviness in my chest hadn't completely lifted, but the warmth of my companions—my family—made it feel a little easier to carry. As the night wore on, the tension of the day began to fade, replaced by the quiet comfort of knowing I wasn't alone. And as I sat there, surrounded by the people who mattered most, I couldn't help but feel like I was finally starting to find my place in the world.