Chapter 9: Dear Diary

Entry #X1

I don't know why I keep writing these things. Maybe it's because there's no one else to talk to, or maybe because it helps to keep my thoughts in order. Whatever the reason, this diary has been my only friend for as long as I can remember. Today was like any other day, quiet, lonely, empty. It's always been like this, hasn't it? Ever since I can remember, I've been alone. No parents. No family. Just the orphanage walls and the whispers of others who never really noticed me. I've always been the girl who blends into the background, who watches while others live.

Entry #X24

There was a boy once. His name was Arlen, and he was everything I'm not. Loud, persistent, and endlessly annoying, at least at first. He refused to ignore me like everyone else did. I didn't know what to make of him. For some reason, he thought it was his life's mission to make me laugh. He used to pull ridiculous faces just to make me laugh, even when I told him to stop. I remember one time he stuck an entire quill up his nose and pretended to be a walrus. I told him he was an idiot, but I couldn't stop laughing. He had this way of making the world feel less heavy. He said something that stayed with me "Look at that, you can smile an laugh as well. Sera, you don't need to hide all the time. The world isn't as scary as you think." But he didn't understand. The world is scary. And cruel. Especially when you lose someone who made it brighter.

Entry #X18

Arlen always had a knack for finding trouble. I don't know why I let him drag me into his schemes, but somehow, he always did. Today, he decided it was a good idea to sneak into the kitchen before lunchtime. "They won't miss a couple of rolls," he said, grinning like a fox. I told him it was a terrible idea, but of course, he didn't listen. He never listened. And somehow, I ended up going along with him. We tiptoed past the matron's office, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might give us away. Arlen, of course, didn't look the least bit worried. He had this ridiculous smirk on his face, like he thought he was some kind of master thief. When we reached the kitchen, he grabbed a broom from the corner and used it to knock a loaf of bread off the high shelf. It hit the floor with a noise that echoed through the room.

"You're going to get us caught," I hissed, but he just grinned and grabbed the loaf. "Relax, Sera. No one's going to—" And that's when the door creaked open. The matron stood there, arms crossed, glaring at us like we'd just committed some terrible crime. "What do you think you're doing?" she snapped. Arlen froze, the loaf still in his hands. For a moment, I thought he might try to talk his way out of it, but instead, he just muttered, "Uh… lunchtime came early?"

We were dragged out by our ears and made to stand in the hallway while the other kids giggled behind their hands. The matron gave us an earful about respect and rules and how stealing was absolutely unacceptable. I kept my head down the whole time, cheeks burning with embarrassment. When she finally left, I turned to Arlen, ready to give him a piece of my mind. But then he looked at me with that goofy grin of his, and before I could stop myself, I started laughing. I tried to hold it back, but it just came spilling out. And then he started laughing too, this loud, ridiculous laugh that echoed through the empty hallway.

For a moment, it didn't matter that we'd gotten in trouble or that the other kids were still snickering at us. It was just me and Arlen, laughing like we didn't have a care in the world.

I think that's what I like most about him. The way he could make everything feel okay, even when it wasn't.

Entry #X00

Today Arlen seemed very unusual today. He came to breakfast that morning, pale and weak, and I thought he was just tired. But by nightfall, he could barely stand.

Entry#X14

Arlen has been sick for weeks now, and his health isn't getting any better. I am very worried about him, I pray that he soon become healthy again, and we could laugh together once more. 

Entry #X47

He gotten sick a while ago. It happened so fast. One day he was teasing me about my hair, and the next… he was gone. They said it was a rare disease, something they couldn't cure. They took him away to some far-off place, saying it was for his own good. He promised he'd come back, he didn't. After that, I stopped trying to be noticed. It was easier to stay invisible. People can't leave if you never let them in, right?

Entry #X62

I wonder what he'd think of me now. Arlen, I mean. Would he call me a coward for hiding away? For building these walls around myself? Maybe. But it's easier this way. People can't leave if you never let them in. I think he'd hate that about me.

Entry #X112

There's this girl I've been watching. She's everything I'm not. Bright, confident, full of energy. She talks to everyone, makes friends so easily. I envy her. She's the kind of person who draws others in without even trying. Her name is Lila. She's been coming to the guild every day, looking for teammates. I want to talk to her. I want to be like her. But every time I try, the words get stuck in my throat. What could someone like her possibly see in someone like me?

Entry #X115

I think about Lila a lot. Maybe too much. It's not just admiration,it's envy. She talks to people so easily, like it's the most natural thing in the world. And then there's me, sitting in the corner, too afraid to speak. I saw her talking to a boy today. Adrian, I think his name is. He's not like the nobles I've heard about. He's kind and approachable, like he doesn't even realize how out of place he is in a place like this.

Entry #X118

Adrian helped an old woman carry her groceries today. It was such a small thing, but it stayed with me. He didn't do it for attention; he just saw someone who needed help and stepped in. Lila seems to like him. They laugh a lot when they're together. I wonder what it's like, to be part of their world.

Entry #X120

I've made up my mind. Tomorrow, I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to ask if I can join her team. She might say no, but at least I'll have tried.

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Entry #121

It happened. It actually happened.

I don't know how to put it into words. I saw Lila and Adrian walking through the market, and I followed them. I didn't mean to be creepy, but I needed to find the right moment. Of course, Lila noticed me. She's so sharp. When she caught me, I thought my heart would stop. I mumbled something about wanting to join her team, but I couldn't even look her in the eye. I was so sure she'd laugh or tell me to go away. But then she smiled. Not just any smile—a warm, radiant smile that felt like sunlight breaking through the clouds. "Why didn't you just say so?" she said, and then she hugged me. I couldn't hold back the tears. All the loneliness, the fear, the doubt—it all came pouring out. And then Adrian joined in, wrapping his arms around both of us. "Don't leave me out of the group hug!" he said, making Lila laugh. And for the first time in so long, I laughed too.

Maybe… maybe I'm not alone anymore, I don,t need to...