It's fun making jokes out of all of their mental problems. As for the glasses thing, it's done, but consider this almost all heroes. Do it take, for example, Iron Man, what is he always looking at?
The chaos of the World Unity Fair churned around Wanda Maximoff and Gwen Stacy as the Green Goblin cackled, recovering from his most recent failed attempt to blow them up. Smoke still curled from his glider, his green-and-purple figure framed by the flickering flames of destruction. Meanwhile, MJ Watson sat on the ground nearby, arms crossed and a sour look plastered across her face.
"Okay, seriously," MJ said, throwing her hands up. "Who is the bitch? Someone tell me! I need to know. Was it Felicia? I knew it was Felicia."
Gwen groaned, adjusting her stance and gently placing MJ on the ground. "You'll figure it out eventually, MJ. And stop trying to gossip when the guy with bombs is still right there."
MJ huffed, brushing dirt off her ruined cocktail dress. "I can multitask, Spider-Woman. I'm amazing at multitasking."
Wanda smirked as she stepped beside Gwen, twirling the Chitauri Scepter in her hand like a baton. "Is she always like this?" Wanda asked, throwing Gwen a teasing glance.
"You have no idea," Gwen muttered. "She's basically like this all the time."
"I can hear you," MJ chimed in, glaring at Gwen. "And by the way, you're totally paying for this dress. Do you know how expensive it was? Dip into the Spider-Woman image repair fund, maybe?"
Wanda raised an eyebrow. "She's got nerve. I'll give her that."
Before Gwen could reply, the Green Goblin interrupted with an exaggerated wave of his hand. "Ladies, ladies, I hate to break up this little hen party, but I have plans to attend to!"
With a dramatic flourish, the Green Goblin hurled another pumpkin bomb directly at Wanda. "This time, I'm gonna hit you for sure!" he crowed, laughing maniacally.
Wanda sighed, raising the Chitauri Scepter like a baseball bat. "Three strikes and your out, Goblin," she said as she swung. The bomb connected with a loud CRACK, arcing through the air and hurtling toward the fairgrounds. The explosion rocked the scene as flames and debris erupted near the main stage taking with it all of the members of the board of directors for Osborne Industries.
The Green Goblin froze, his laughter cutting off abruptly as he stared at the smoldering ruins of the Osborn Industries Board of Directors booth. "Oh my god!" he exclaimed, a mix of disbelief and delight in his voice. "You actually did it! You achieved my goal for me!"
Wanda blinked, then shrugged with a smirk. "Oops. Collateral damage is inevitable when we're dealing with warmongering corporate fascists. You know, the kind of people who approve human experimentation."
The Goblin cackled again, throwing his head back. "You're not wrong, Red. But still—what a spectacular screwup on your part!"
Gwen sighed, rubbing her temples. "You're not helping, Wanda."
"Helping is overrated," Wanda replied with a grin. "Besides, this pumpkin-head brought it on himself."
The Green Goblin pointed a clawed finger at her. "Pumpkin-head? Really? That's the best you've got?"
"It fits," Wanda shot back. "You are lobbing pumpkin bombs like it's Halloween every day."
The Goblin growled, reaching into his glider for more weapons. "You're gonna regret those words, you crimson menace!" He unleashed a barrage of bombs and machine-gun fire, his glider swooping in low for maximum effect.
Wanda dodged to the left, her symbiote suit shifting seamlessly with her movements. She spun the Chitauri Scepter in one hand, deflecting a bomb mid-air, while Gwen shot webs from her wrists, snagging one of the Goblin's bombs and flinging it harmlessly into the sky.
"Is it just me," Wanda quipped, "or is he trying way too hard to make this glider look intimidating?"
Gwen shot a web toward the glider's wing, pulling it off course. "You'd think with all his money and toy's, he'd invest in better designs."
The Goblin snarled, twisting his glider to shake off the webbing. "You rotten kids! Always ruining an elder's fun!"
Gwen tightened her grip on the web, yanking hard. "Maybe try something less evil next time, Grandpa!"
"Grandpa?!" the Goblin shrieked, his glider sputtering as it struggled against Gwen's pull. With a click of a hidden mechanism, razor-sharp blades extended from the glider, slicing through Gwen's webs and severing the connection.
"Oh, come on!" Gwen exclaimed as the glider steadied itself in midair. "Who even thinks of adding giant murder blades to a hoverboard?"
"An artist, my dear!" the Goblin shot back, his voice dripping with mockery. "A visionary!"
Wanda rolled her eyes. "You're a lot of things, Goblin. 'Artist' isn't one of them."
The Goblin cackled, spinning in the air to unleash another round of machine-gun fire. Wanda raised a hand, a crimson barrier forming in front of her to absorb the bullets. She glanced at Gwen. "This guy's all talk."
"Tell me about it," Gwen muttered, firing another web to snag one of the Goblin's bombs mid-flight. She flung it back toward him, but he dodged with a dramatic flourish.
"Ha! Nice try!" the Goblin crowed. "But I struck out three times already—I'm not stupid enough to throw another bomb at you!"
Wanda smirked. "Only a pumpkin-head would throw pumpkin bombs in the first place."
Meanwhile, MJ sat cross-legged on the ground, watching the chaos unfold with a mixture of annoyance and disinterest. She flicked a piece of debris off her dress and muttered to herself, "This day just keeps getting worse. First, my drink is ruined, then my dress is destroyed, and now I'm stuck sitting in dirt while Spider-Woman plays superhero. Typical."
She glanced over at Gwen and shouted, "Hey, Spider-Bitch! When you're done, you're paying for dry-cleaning! And a new cocktail, while you're at it!"
Gwen groaned, shooting a web toward another of the Goblin's bombs. "Why is she still talking?"
"Because she's MJ," Wanda replied, deflecting another projectile with her scepter. "I'm starting to think she's invincible. No normal person would still be whining after this."
MJ perked up. "Did someone say my name?"
"Not the time, MJ!" Gwen snapped, dodging a barrage of bullets.
As the battle raged on, the Green Goblin glanced at the wreckage of the Osborn Industries booth, his yellow eyes narrowing with satisfaction. "Well, well," he said, his tone almost gleeful. "Looks like I don't need to stick around. My work here is done!"
"Running away already?" Wanda called, spinning the Chitauri Scepter. "What's the matter? Out of bombs?"
The Goblin sneered. "Hardly, but why waste them? You've already done my job for me!" He cackled as his glider rose higher into the air. "Besides, I've got other places to be. But you haven't heard the last of me Spider-Woman you and that legendary bitch Mary Jane Watson.
With that, the Goblin soared into the distance, his laughter fading into the night.
As the dust settled, Wanda and Gwen stood in the middle of the chaos, surveying the damage. MJ, still seated on the ground, sighed dramatically.
"Great," she said. "Now I have dirt in my hair. Dirt! Do you know how much it costs to keep my hair this perfect, Spider-Woman?"
Gwen shook her head in disbelief. "You were almost blown up. Twice."
"And yet I'm still here," MJ said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Which means I have every right to complain. I'm sending you the bill for my dress, by the way."
Wanda chuckled, turning to Gwen. "You weren't kidding. She really is a bitch."
MJ perked up again. "Who's a bitch? I love gossip."
Gwen groaned, dragging a hand down her face. "Not now, MJ."
The trio started walking away from the fairgrounds, with MJ grumbling under her breath about her ruined evening. Wanda leaned closer to Gwen, her tone teasing. "You sure you want to keep her as a best friend?"
Gwen sighed, but a small smile crept across her face. "Yeah. She's a bitch, but she's my bitch. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Wanda smirked. "You're braver than I am."
The two shared a laugh as they disappeared into the night, leaving the chaos and an angry bitch of legendary proportions behind to find Harry Osborne and sucker him into paying for a new dress for her.
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