(14) - NOTHINGNESS.

I

Darkness, thick endless darkness with not a sin- gle streak of light. Then there was the force com-spelling her to keep running, to keep moving in the helplessness despite the almost overwhelm- ing urge to just give up. She couldn't see, but her senses seemed hightened in the foreign-strange environment.

The wind seemed to be picking up the further she went inspite of the slight chill it brought, beads of sweat built up on her forehead and her skin see-med to be moistening with it. But as rapidly as the formed, it dried of almost as quickly. Behind her she could feel the approaching doom, promp-ting her to escape, to run as far as she could. But her tired and weak body seemed to have it's own thoughts - to just surrender.

'Surrender! Surrender!'

She could hear the word, distant and clear in the opposing strong winds pushing her back the way she came. Trying to send her right into the doom catching up. But she could feel the invisible ener-gy deep within her fueling her will to continue, to survive, to fight and and to live.

Gritting her teeth, she clenched her hands and persevered. Pulling, dragging herself forward against the tide. Time seemed to stretch forever and she seemed alone. Completely on her own. And she just knew somehow that she really was on her own without her loving family. Not that they didn't want to help her or be there for her in her toughest times, but they just couldn't.

She could strangely access that thought, that understanding in that environment of nothing - ness. That they could no longer be there for her anymore, and in that nothingness, she could hear a very distant call of her name,the voice calm and in control. Urging her, reminding her she could do it. She could rebuild her life as it was meant to be. And that some people, her family were still there, waiting for her to sail through.

The voice seemed both masculine and feminine. It had no gender. And it sounded so calming and refreshing that she a little revitalised as she focu-sed on it. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind of the approaching doom behind her and other unseen dangers she could feel coming for her from almost all sides. Some waiting patiently in place like they knew she had no where to go and will end up with them anyway. Whilst others, she could feel hiding, lur - king in the shadows to get her.

As she concentrated, she could feel the force of the opposing winds grow lighter and less as for-ceful and a sudden light around her with distant voices calling out to her with distant voices call-ing out to her, warm, friendly and trustworthy. Asking, pleading and praying for her to extend her hand to them. Promising they weren't going to fail her. Telling her they were her family, siblings and friends. 

She could feel their sincerely and eagerness to be a part of her life. But she just couldn't let them in. The fear, the insecurity and the part of her still stuck in the dreadful past wouldn't let her. It kept reminding her of the pain and horror she has been through with her family. Telling her the only way to keep living was to fully not trust new peo - ple. For those the very few that she could trust, she had to keep them out a bit to not drag them into her mess and hurt them. 

Images.Quick heartbreaking clear and blurry ima-ges with fragments of unclear conversations be-gan filling up her mind. Slowly at first, then began picking up pace and volume. Some voices and faces seemed familiar but she just couldn't dwell on it. They moved away as quickly as they came. She could make out some faces as belonging to her parents and her brother. Some images were blurry but very bloody and so heartbreaking that she felt her eyes tearing up and her breath gett-ing difficult. 

'Mom.... Dad...bro...brother I... Ivan don't leave..!' She really wanted to scream at the disappearing figures in front of her but couldn't shout no matter how hard she tried. Her words were barely above a whisper. She could hear voices calling out to her and a force holding her back from reaching out to her family who just looked back at her and continued continued, disappearing into the brigh-ter light at the far end. 

She couldn't give up. She had to get to them and be with them. Whatever was holding her down had to let her go, and was going to make sure of that. Summoning the little strength she had in her, she began struggling and the voices became clearer, louder than anxious. 

" Stella..... Stella....wake up. Stella wake up!" The voices sounded warmly familiar. She tried to re- member where she knew them from when she suddenly remembered ;

'Leo? Leona? Where were they? Were they okay?' 

She was still wondering and searching when very unexpected and familiar long-missed two mascu-line and little girly voices registered in her head;

" Stella.... Stella dear wake up. It's just a night - mare." 

"Stella...hey...little star, wake up.You're fine. Don't be afraid okay? Just open your eyes."

She could feel her heart fill up with so much ha - ppiness and comfort at the arrival of the voices that the fear and pain from earlier fled to the very back of her mind. 

"Uncles Arnold? William? "She wondered in disbe-lief as she looked around, searching eagerly for the source of the voices.Then she heard the two little adorable girly voices from earlier that tugged at her heartstrings, prompting her to force her way out desperately from the boring and scary environment. Her awakening was so sudden and forceful that she shot out of the bed to who knows where. But a strong hand reached out in time to grab her back into the bed. 

" Easy....calm down Stella." She heard the older familiar masculine voice again and looked arou-nd, disoriented. Her blary gaze settled on two beautiful and cute faces that she could recogni-se anywhere - looking at her with bright, large lo- vely eyes and heartwarmingly beautiful and cute smiles. 

" Ava? Eva?" The names came out just a little above a whisper, her bright brown eyes wide and and smile slowly growing on her beautiful face and lovely face now a little pale. 

" Stella!!" The two girls called out loudly together with outstretched arms dramatically, like they were in a choreography. In the next second, they were already climbing the bed so quickly and enthusiastically that anyone barely had time to stop them. 

" Ava! Eva!" Four different voices cried out in alarm as the four - years olds rushed up at Stella. 

" Girls.....stop.! She's sick!" Arnold Barrett - their father cried out. He was a forty - six years old man who shared a great resumblance with the girls was in a green T-shirt with a black pair of pants and a black baseball cap covering his head and hiding his face a bit. 

 Beside him was a younger version of him in grey pants with matching short-sleeved jacket with a hoodie that covered his head and half of his face. Seeing the girls on the hospital bed with Stella,he rushed forward and grabbed both girls by their arms, intending to pull them off Stella whilst scol-ding gently. " You little sweet - heads, can't you see she's sick?" 

" No... Willi.....we just want a huuugggg..." The girls objected pitifully but firmly, stretching out the last word whilst holding Stella who had gotten mo-mentarily dizzy from rushing out to hold them. 

" Wait a little for her to get better. " The young man told them sternly, not giving in. However he couldn't pry the girls off and it was Stella holding onto them tightly. Exasperated, he called in a playful growl ; " Stella?" 

" Oh come on.... William." Stella, having regained her stability back from the dizziness said and laughed a bit weakly, looking at him with pleading eyes. " We missed each other so.... Very much. Can you let us Hugh a little?"

" Yes....yes...Willi pleaaaaase? " Ava pleaded with a pout. 

" Please.... Willi....just one very biiiiiiiiiiiggg hug." Eva added, her expression as adorable and irri-sistible as her twin. 

"Oh please...William...."Stella pleaded with her ex- pression turning desperate and in that moment, similar to that of the twins." If you don't accept, you'll be the big bad wolf. Right girls? " She asked with a light pout, her eyes not leaving William's. The girls nodded quickly in response. 

Helpless and a little annoyed, William playfully glared at the three girls on the bed, wondering how trying to save a life suddenly turned him into a villain - the big bad wolf. 

" Seriously, Stella?" He asked, exasperated and in disbelief. " I'm trying to save your life her and now I'm the villain?" 

" Yeah..... William the big bad wolf." Leo said dramatically by his sister, who was chuckling. 

" Leo." William called calmly with a playful glare at him. 

" Hmmmm?" Leo responded with a innocent look. 

" You're not helping here." William stated. 

" Sorry." Leo said unapologetically with a grin. Then joined his sister in chuckling.