Chapter 24

Chapter XLVI: Lost and Found The night before the incident, Kota continues to look at his bag. He packs his notebooks, snacks, some clothes, and other things into his backpack. While he is writing the note on his study desk, he thinks,"I hope y'all will understand. This is too much. I don't want to kill myself but it's best I'll escape this place, far away from my problems and gather my thoughts" He goes out of his room and locks it. He then goes down the stairs, making no sound and finally sneaking out of the house and locks it. He gets on his bike, going directly to the station."I really don't want to cause more trouble. Most especially to the people that I love", he thinks while queueing up.

 On the train, he calls Gin.

"Hey, sorry for an inconvenient time but I want you to know that I'm running away. It's hard to comprehend my problems and I don't want to be a troublemaker to people that I love. I am telling you this because I trust you. You can tell my whereabouts if they meet this criteria: The one who realizes the most and has the most grievous fault is worthy of knowing the truth", says Kota. To which Gin responds,"I know that you're suffering from undiluted dilemma as of now. I understand that you need space to think about it. Let me know if you need something. But comeback in not before 24 hours or else your parents are gonna whoop your ass. And btw, stay safe" As he arrives at his destination, he steps down from the train and wanders through the illuminative and festive streets of the city. He sees a lot of manga, as well as anime posters, merch, and many more. Since he is very hungry, he goes to a ramen restaurant. After his meal, he then goes to the tallest mountain in Japan. At the staggering height of 12, 388 ft, Mt. Fuji is known for its graceful conical form. The mountain is a challenge for climbers as well as a representation for life reflections. In this case, as he is facing several problems that he can't handle, he goes to the mountain to think and meditate about his own decisions, and life choices in facing these."Ah, I always wanted to go to this place, its graceful white-covered peak. The mountain is like a person that if one can't hold their temper, it all goes out like lava from the underground", he says to himself. While looking at the beautiful scenery of the mountain, something lights up in his mind. Memories then begin to flood his mind."How majestic this mountain is, it reminds me of the good old memories. This is so captivating, I wish she would be here but then again, she won't." He sits at the bench and puts on his earphones to listen to melodramatic songs."People can't realize the truth of our own reality. Kids are getting more sensitive and are trying to kill themselves, people in a relationship are like playing a game, loving a person. It's very hard to comprehend all of these so I need some alone time, far away from the people who causes me problems.I can't even comprehend my own sociality in class. They think that I'm disgusting and too serious. The fact is, I am a confident and good person inside my own shell but there are factors that intervene. I wanted to say things but I think that they may not like it. If I tell a joke, they may not laugh at it. The same goes for Enmei's friends although my cousin is there. I'm just useless there. I want to have a solution but I can't see it through. What shall I do? The real question is, will they even realize now that I'm gone? It's likely a probability of 50/50.I considered myself lost due to this. Where and when will I find the solution for all of this? I don't want to show my anger again but to let my patience deal with it." He takes a deep breathe and lets it all out slowly. He then meditates again,"I think I'm still in the cave of the allegory. Still blinded to see the light of freedom, am I bounded by the chains of my own reality? Am I the one who doesn't realize, or is it they who can't realize? Well I have to be honest since I'm just gathering my thoughts here. I have some atrocities right back at my friendship within the group. Nor this is also effective to my classmates. I think that they think that I'm crazy over one person or even talking nonsense when I try to explain. I know that I stutter sometimes, it is really hard to comprehend. Due to these problems, my overthinking becomes self-aware while other people are driving it to the wrong path. There must be the light to understand.Have God forsaken me? Nah, I think it's just a fate of my very own journey to deal with it. Did it go overboard? Yes, it has. I may have gone overboard to think this true and sacrificing my time in reaching the goal to remove this blockage in my progressing journey. It's very hard to think it through if you are by yourself and no one is there to influence or give you advice. Like in the class, it's hard to think of any answers independently unless you know the answer and you are very confident of it. It's really hard when your answer is different from others that's why it's difficult. It's like E Pluribus Unum.I may have a strict and serious appearance but not everything is as seen. It's hard to accept that that people think that your appearance tell your very core but everyone has their own perception. Deep down in them has a different core which is our spiritual and emotional core aside from our physical core. Everyone has a heart to feel. I'm no robot that can't feel feelings or even considerations. Can't they just see? They think I'm still the old Kota but shall anyone know that everyone changes and progresses. They may be regressions but most of it are progressions. However, who am I kidding who discharges my responsibility if I dream big to go overseas like I don't know how to cook, or even behave like my classmates. I still need to think this through." As the atmosphere gets orange, a voice emerges from behind,"Kota?" His eyes become wide and gets shocked."Is that you?" He turns around and the voice turns out to be Akiko.