Chapter 11

Sunday

Tanya Pennyworth

Well, that was a bit of excitement, Bruce. That is, the police left the party, and the two supervillains—if that was the best way to describe the pair—were restrained as they were forced into the back of a wagon marked "Arkham Asylum." The destination of their imprisonment had already been decided due to the strangeness of their cases.

Shaking my head, I said, "A little bit too much excitement." I got a nod from Bruce as the crowd began to peel away—some returning to the main party room, others calling in for the night, giving their goodbyes as they passed us.

"Hopefully, that's the end of this excitement. The whole chaos of people breaking into my house... I could do without." I nodded in agreement to that.

Looking one last time at the van, which was starting to turn its motor over and head away from the mansion, I asked, "So, was she really a vampire, or what was going on there?"

Bruce looked at me with a raised eyebrow before saying, "I'm not exactly sure. Batman approached me about the possibility of drawing her in, but he didn't exactly give me any details on what she was."

"Do we at least know who she was in a civilian context? Seems rather odd that some woman just comes out of nowhere."

"Next time I see the Caped Crusader, I'll ask. Maybe he'll know," Bruce said, starting to walk away.

I nodded, saying, "Oh, probably not gonna be that hard." I looked in the mirror and said, passing him by as he stopped mid-step, I didn't push that, though. Didn't feel like it. I've already started figuring things out—slow and steady. But yeah, it was a little much, I will admit. Batman just happens to save me... Batman just happens to be nearby all the time.

Yeah, as far as I was concerned, it was a very good chance that Batman and Bruce Wayne, if they weren't the same person, were connected at the hip—either through some communication system or something. And yeah, I had seen the secret panels that led to underground places in the mansion. They could just be old systems for emergencies from the old family, or they could be evidence. I wasn't going to push, though. If I didn't have the answer, no one could get the answer out of me. I just had a suspicion, and I made it known so he'd understand that he was playing it a little risky.

"What does that mean?" he said, in a low tone, as he started to walk again, following me towards the guest areas.

"Means nothing," I said matter-of-factly, turning to look at him. "Just saying, next time you see him, make sure to tell him maybe he should be a bit more careful with what he reveals—oh, by coming to their aid and rescuing people close to him."

Bruce raised an eyebrow and said, "Sure, I'll tell him that."

I moved over towards the guest door and saw that the crowd had mostly thinned, down to about a third of its original size. As Bruce came to stand next to me, we looked out at the crowd, joined by the sound of people enjoying their lives. Bruce seemed to be thinking something over before saying, "Tanya, I've been wondering something."

I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow before saying, "You don't usually use language that sounds rather weak. Wondering? Just ask what's on your mind, Bruce."

As if my statement somehow encouraged him, he strengthened his voice and said, "Would you like to go out on a date next week? A movie and dinner, perhaps?"

I looked down on the crowd as I thought for a moment, not saying no. This was a point we'd been working toward for a while now. I had been struggling with whether I should agree to such a question for several months. On one hand, there was an internal debate going on in the back of my mind about whether this was weird. On the other hand, I had known him for a long time, and we had a good working relationship. On just the fundamental level, I knew I could trust him. Sure, he was keeping secrets, and I had probably figured out one of the more massive ones, if I was correct. But if that massive one was the one I thought it was, that made him probably the most loyal and best person to be around. Sure, he seemed to be a lightning rod for insanity, and craziness was out there, but let's be frank—much of the craziness would probably have existed even without him. Gotham seemed to be an epicenter of craziness. If anything, Bruce's craziness was fighting back against whatever epicenter was spreading out to infest the city. The only option I would have would be either to leave the city or get close to the one man who seemed to be able to fight back against the insanity, the corruption, and the plain criminal activities of this world. When you think about the fact that if he weren't doing it, we'd probably have a situation where the craziness would leave the city. There was nowhere to run.

Nodding my head, I decided, "You know what? I would like that, Mister Wayne—dinner and a movie sometime next week. My whole schedule is free; you should know that since I work for you."

He let out a laugh before nodding his head, saying, "Yeah, yeah. How does Wednesday sound to you, Tanya?"

I played at having to think about it before nodding my head, saying, "Should be clear. You've got nothing coming up next week except just going over those files."

"Next week, then," he said with a smile, as we turned to the apple. No one had noticed our conversation—well, almost no one. I caught Alfred looking in our direction, rather pointedly, a smile on his lips. "You've been behind this in a way, I was sure of it." What else had he had been so interested in, having me come work at the estate? The old man was playing matchmaker. Well, let him do that because he seemed to have done a damn good job of it this one time. I guess I chuckled.

Monday

Bruce Wayne

Sitting in my chair in front of the supercomputer, I relaxed. What a wild past few days it had been. We'd managed to bring in the criminal Nocturne and her bodyguard, as well as do something I never thought I'd actually do: agree to go on a date with someone.

Still, I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to put this all together. Usually, I'd talk to Alfred about this, but I wasn't sure I should bring it up yet. I was thinking about the few other relationships I'd had over the past few years, trying to figure out how to make it all work out.

To be frank, there haven't been that many issues with my relationships. The Vicki Vale thing had been an interesting fling, but nothing more. A couple of dates with random women kept the appeal of Gotham's most eligible bachelor up, so people didn't think I was some recluse hiding in the shadows plotting revenge on the city, which was close but not really what I was doing. Still, we don't want them thinking the worst of you, of course. Those were just my "Bruce Wayne" relationships. Ones I remembered. There had been others, particularly one that happened while I was globetrotting around the world. I don't really want to remember that time I spent in contact with the League of Assassins. There were too many issues I had with their whole way of thinking. Killing, for one, was just not something I wanted to do. Sure, I'll beat the crap out of anyone, but I try not to kill anyone. Heck, I'll even use a gun under the right circumstances, though I'd most likely use guns that I had specially designed—stun guns of some type. There were quite a few models that Wayne Tech had provided for the military over the years that I had a few copies of. I didn't use them primarily because, well, getting stunned doesn't exactly impart the message that crime is painful on a person compared to "Oh my face! Not the face!" That message is more long-lasting mentally, at least I hoped it was. Maybe I was a fool, but I was a fool who wanted to do the best by the people of Gotham, and that meant I believed that beating the hell out of criminals to make them think about their lives—so be it.

The only other relationship I'd had was that one fling with the magician Zatanna. She claimed she had real magic. I didn't believe that at the time, but it had been an interesting couple of months while I traveled across the world. Now, I had to wonder if maybe there was something to that. You know, coming across a vampire will make you think, "Hey, guys, is this supernatural stuff real?"

Granted, I think I'd debunked the idea that Nocturne was an actual vampire—at least not a supernatural one. I tracked down exactly what happened to her. She was a young scientist from a rival company experimenting with crystals and high-powered telescopes. Apparently, she'd been using them and looked at something in the sky that did not like being looked at—at least according to the story. A lightning bolt hit her lab, and it exploded.

Sounds less like a mystical vampire and more like science gone wrong to me. How she made the dead walk, though, I'm a little unsure about. Perhaps there wasn't true death involved, but something that mimicked it. I wouldn't know for sure unless I had more test results, but I was likely not to get that. She was locked up now. Arkham Asylum was not exactly forthcoming with information. To be frank, the lead doctors there were more likely to psychoanalyze me whenever I tried to step on their grounds than actually help me figure out what was going on with the people around Gotham. I'm half sure they were crazier than the people they were guarding.

Shaking my head, I looked at the news, wondering if I could get some sort of case to get my mind off of what I was going to have to do tomorrow. Unfortunately, nothing crazy was going on in Gotham. I guess I should be happy about that, so I let my mind wander again. The last major relationship I had... was one that was technically still ongoing, I guess you could say, though there was nothing concrete there.

That wasn't my first run-in with Catwoman. I'd had a few. I hadn't identified her real identity yet, but I'd been trying to convince her to leave her evil ways every time we met, simply because she wasn't the most evil person out there. I mean, we'd run into a couple of bad guys now and again that we both cleaned up. She was a good person just doing bad things. If I could convince her to start doing good things, maybe the world would be better... or maybe not. Either way, me and her had a thing, I guess you could say. She was trying to tempt me into the dark side, while I was trying to draw her into the light. Nothing physical, except for when we exchanged blows now and again. Yes, I was going to have to try not to be so physical with her going forward. If I was actually going to pursue a relationship with Tanya, it might be considered a form of cheating. I chuckled at the concept of villain-biting being a form of cheating. Shaking my head, I looked through the channels again, hoping for something—anything—to get my mind off my past and currently failed relationships, and the future one I was going to try and start.

"Master Bruce," came Alfred's voice as he descended a pair of stairs. "You seem to be in a melancholy mood. I would think you'd be very happy right now," he said, approaching where I sat.

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you think that, Alfred?"

"Oh, because you've proposed a date with my niece, of course," he said, causing me to tilt my head and look at him. "Do you have cameras hidden in the mansion?"

"Master Bruce, I was a young man myself once. I can spot that conversation from across the room. I have no need for cameras," he said, rather smugly.

"Right. So, how much do you know?"

"Just the bare essentials, but you've obviously proposed something to Tanya. I'm thinking most likely a coffee and lunch."

I smiled before saying, "Dinner and a movie."

"Ah, both feet into hell, I see," he said in an amused tone, before adding, "Have you selected the movie and dinner yet?"

I shook my head, saying, "You know, I've just been reviewing my past relationships, trying to determine if this was a bad idea or not."

"That makes sense. You are a bit out of practice with real-world relationships," he admitted. "It's a failure of mine. I would say, don't worry. I'll give you a bit of a push in the right direction, Master Bruce," he said matter-of-factly, pulling out a notepad. "Get a dinner reservation at a good place. Not too fancy—we don't want anything too stuffy for your first dinner. And... you wrote something down. We should probably also get you a movie. Something good, but not great. We don't want you to be just awe-inspired by the movie; we want you to be able to come out of the theater and laugh at some of the silliness of it. Perhaps a horror movie. That always seemed to do well back in my day."

I smiled at Alfred before saying, "Thank you."

"As your butler, it is my duty to make sure things go right for my employer. No thanks are necessary," he said.

Reaching out and grabbing his wrist, I looked at him and said, "And as a friend, thank you."

"You're welcome, Master Bruce," he said with a smile in his eyes.

Tuesday

Tanya Pennyworth

"All right, tomorrow's going to be a big day," I thought, as I set aside some clothing for the date. Hopefully, nothing crazy would happen, but then again, considering the city, maybe I should just be hoping that whatever craziness does happen is limited to something that doesn't result in my death or deformation.

You know, I probably should be more concerned with the state of this damn city, but at this point, I'd lived more years here than I'd like to think about, and I had come to the conclusion that there was no way out of it. It was a wacky city, and you couldn't reverse the situation—you could just go with the flow and hope to survive. And survive, I would. Shaking my head, I finished putting together a simple ensemble: a nice light blue dress with calming colors. Hopefully, it was calming enough that if we ended up getting stuck by some robber, they'd be on the calm side and not, well, anything stupid. But then again, if they did something stupid, they would end up at the bad end of two very capable people who could defend themselves—Bruce Wayne, who secretly was probably something else, though I wouldn't give voice to my thoughts on that one, just to make sure it didn't slip out of my lips. And then, me. I may not have the same level of training I did in my last life, but I could still kill a man in close-quarters combat. Plus, I kept a couple of weapons in my purse for emergencies.

What exactly was I going to do for this date? That was a question I was asking myself, as I wasn't very familiar with dating culture. I hadn't been on a date in any of my past lives, really.

No, I'm sure there had been a few in my first life, but that was so far away at this point, I couldn't remember it very well. The best I could guesstimate was that, as the girl in the situation, I didn't have to do much. Plus, I was going on a date with a billionaire or a millionaire—one of the two. The point was, filthy rich. He'd probably be paying for most of it. I just had to make sure I was good company. I didn't know if that was what we would consider doing more, but of course, I would be considering trying to become ingratiated into Bruce's life. There was no reason not to, at this point.

My safety would be more in my hands if I was with him, and that was just a matter of course. Scratching under my ear, I moved over to my desk and was about to look at today's invoices when I noticed... well, there were none. Must have been some failure of delivery from Wayne Tech. I narrowed my eyes. I did not want to drive over to Wayne Tech—too much chance that some crazy things could happen on the road. But I might have to. I leaned out a deep breath, quickly stripped out of the maid uniform, and grabbed something a little bit more professional. I pulled it on quickly before grabbing a pair of keys and heading for the garage.

As I entered the main hallway, I saw Alfred coming my way. I gave him a nod.

"Uncle," I said.

"Niece," he said with a nod. "Where are you off to?"

"Someone forgot to deliver the paperwork from Wayne Tech, so I have to go investigate what's going on. Shouldn't take me that long."

"Here's hoping," he commented, as I moved past him. "Make sure to be safe. You have a big day tomorrow."

I raised an eyebrow, looking at him. "How did you know?"

Now, why am I even bothering? He knew everything. I quickly made my way down the stairs and into my car, flipping it on and relaxing as I turned over the motor.

I reached over to my phone and plugged it into the dash so that it would stay updated as I moved through the city. More important to me was if there were any chaos events going on, so I could try and avoid them. But maybe I'd get information about the records I was off to get on the way over. Perhaps a note that they weren't actually on the way because there were none to deliver today. It was always a possibility, and if that happened, I'd just stop somewhere for a nice meal. Backing up, I turned the car around, drove through the gate, and slowly headed onto the freeway, heading into town. I was about to pass through the last bit of the forest into the urban territory that was the city of Gotham when my phone rang.

Looking at it, I saw it was an unknown number. Normally, I would just ignore it, but maybe it was someone I hadn't met yet from the business, about to tell me why the paperwork wasn't in my office.

Pressing the button, I said, "Pennyworth here."

"Oh, Tanya, thank God!" came a voice I hadn't heard in a few years.

"Pamela?" I said, confused, remembering my college roommate.

"Yep, that's the one," came the voice of a cheery redhead, sounding like she was leaning back in her chair. "I need you to come by my lab. I need some help here."

"Lab help?" I said, somewhat confused by her request. "I'm going to need a little bit more before I change my plans for the day, Pamela. Why do you need me to come by your lab? Why are you at a lab? Why do you need help? There's a lot of information you're leaving out, and I can't just do random changes with no info."

"Jesus Christ, can you not be detail-oriented for 24 minutes?" The voice came back before she sighed. "Okay, quick rundown. I got a new job recently, and it's sort of fallen through in a bad way, and I need to fix it now."

"What do you mean it's falling through? You're not okay from the start? Where are you?" I asked. I didn't want to be involved, but yeah, she sounded a little desperate. And the last time I talked to her, she seemed a little more together. So, helping out an old friend wouldn't hurt me.

"Oh, thank goodness! I'm at the docks—5th St. docks to be exact. Come as fast as you can. I need help now."

Shaking my head, I turned onto the road that would take me there. "Okay, I'm coming now. Maybe you could explain to me how you lost your job? Last time I heard about you, you were working for Wayne Tech through a subsidiary company they recently bought."

"Oh, yeah, that was a good job. Fun job. Then things sort of took a turn... Fired directly by Bruce Wayne. It's a long story."

I blinked, looking at the phone before saying, "You do realize I work for Wayne Tech now, personally with Bruce Wayne, right?"

"Wait, what? Last time I heard, you were still looking for a job."

"Yeah, that was six months ago," I commented.

Getting a resounding, "What? I've been unconscious for six months?"

"You've been unconscious for—Pamela, can you start answering questions? This is sounding a lot more serious now. Have you been kidnapped? What's going on?"

"I was not kidnapped. The job just took a turn towards the unfortunate, and things are weird now."

"Weird how?" I asked, as I turned into the docks.

"Ah, I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you."

"You know, I could stop the car right now and not come get you," I commented, not stopping the car—just threatening to get an answer out of her.

"Have you ever felt every blade of grass, every emotional being for miles around you?" Pamela said, sounding distinctly crazy.

I raised an eyebrow. "No, you're not supposed to feel that. Are you on drugs?"

"Yeah, let's call it that. I'm on the most serious drugs you've ever seen. Oh my gosh, where are you, Tanya? I'm going to need a ride real fast now, before Mr. Tree Bark wakes up."

"Tree bark?" I muttered, annoyed, as I pulled into a court with several businesses. It looked like I was at the end of 5th St., surrounded by a couple of restaurants and a warehouse. "Damn, that's you in the expensive car. Alright, I'm on my way. Open the door if you can."

I raised an eyebrow as I reached over and pushed open the door, looking out but not seeing anyone at that moment. "What am I doing?" I muttered, rubbing my forehead and closing my eyes for a moment, only to hear the door being ripped open further and someone jumping in and slamming it shut.

"Drive, drive, drive!"

I opened my eyes and blinked a couple of times. Sitting next to me was a familiar face—Pamela Isley. However, there were some serious differences from the last time I'd seen her. "You're green," I said.

"New look, I think I like it. Drive, please," she commented, looking out the window.

"You don't have pants."

"It was a bit of a rush. Woke up on an operating table. Don't worry about that, just drive."

I sighed deeply, shook my head, and put the car in drive, pulling out at a safe speed. I wasn't going to risk a ticket for her.

"Okay, Pamela, I've got you in the car. You're safe from the situation."

"I don't know about that. We're dealing with things I don't understand. I'm just coming to understand them," she said with a strange, crazed giggle. I looked at her, shaking my head before saying, "Whatever you say, just start talking, please."

"Okay, so after I got fired from Wayne Tech, I took this job offer from a guy working for the military who was dealing with some crazy ideas—trying to tap into nature itself to use it against the enemies of the American Empire. Cool ideas. I was kind of into it because, you know, if you could contact nature, you could possibly reshape and terraform the world, make it better, make it greener. I could make it definitely greater," she said, sounding more like an addict toward the end. "Anyways, some of us quit over time, but I stuck by the lead scientist on it, and we got a little pressure from the military. So, we were a bit pushed for results, so we injected ourselves with some experimental formulas."

"Yep, the city causes people to lose their fucking minds," I said, smashing my fist on the dashboard. "What part of your brain makes you think injecting yourself with chemical cocktails you don't understand the processes of was a good idea?"

Pamela shrugged her shoulders before saying, "It's for science, for the betterment of the Earth."

I let out a deep, tired sigh. "If it was for the betterment of humanity, I guess I can't hold it against you completely."

"No, no, not humanity. I don't really give a damn about humanity as a whole, but the Earth—wow, yeah, you can't understand it, Tanya. Unless you have it... It's like you can understand how plants are at a cellular level, what they feel. Oh, they hate it so much."

"Hate what?" I said, driving, heading for the freeway toward Wayne Tech because they were probably the only ones who could help me in this situation.

"The pollution," she said. "The abuse by humanity. They just hate humanity so much…"

I looked at her staring off before snapping my fingers in front of her face. "Is it them that hate humanity, or you? Because it sounds like you're losing yourself to some sort of hive mind. Humanity is not designed to exist in a hive mind. We aren't insects. We have individual rights and beings for a reason."

"I would offer that might be a mistake," she commented, as I snapped my fingers in front of her face again.

"And why is that?"

"Because we do. It's so horrendous. It's so..."

"Humanity accidentally killed the American locust, preventing bugs the size of California from killing off entire species of plants across the North American plains," I shot back. "We have power, and we're stupid. We have trouble using it, but we also know that we fucked up. That's why the American buffalo is on its rebound. Remember that. Humanity is stupid, but they can improve. They can do better. Focus on that if you're going to be losing yourself to whatever the hell's going on in your mind."

"Right, right," she said. "Anyways, I think I was unconscious for six months or so. I'm not even sure how I'm alive. We didn't set up anything, and Mr. Bark—I don't think he was awake either, though he had a lot more changes than I did."

"Let me guess, he was covered in bark?" I said, trying to get a hint at the situation.

"Yeah, I thought that. That's pretty much it."

"Wonderful," I said, shaking my head. "Listen, I have to go to Wayne Tech to pick up reports. Can we just stay quiet till we get there? Then I'll have someone try and help you when we get there. Maybe we can figure out how to undo the green skin."

"I don't know. I kind of like it," she said, looking at her arms. "Makes me more popping. Don't you think?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, red hair did that enough. Being a jolly green giant reject is not going to help you."

"Ouch. Okay, you're in a bad mood. Tanya, what's biting you?"

"Not a bad mood, just not expecting to deal with this today," I commented, shaking my head. "I've got a date tomorrow to plan for. I don't need this."

"Ohh, that's unexpected. I thought you were like ace or something."

"The flock is ace," I said, looking at her in confusion.

"You know, not into boys or girls, just sort of sex-neutral."

I blinked, shaking my head and just focusing on the road. "I am me. I do what I want. Now can you please just stay quiet for the rest of the ride about what plants are thinking? Stay focused on who you—oh, why don't I help you with that? Why did you get fired from Wayne Tech, anyways?"

"Ohh, yeah, that's a funny story," she said with amusement. "I developed these pheromone pills that allowed people to charm others a lot easier. My whole idea was we were going to use it on companies to better sell our products. Mr. Wayne took exception to that."

"You were going to use brainwashing pheromones on people?" I said, looking at her like she was an authoritarian scumbag for a brief second. "All you needed was the communist hat, and you'd pull it off."

"Hey, that's exactly what Bruce Wayne said. That's why I got fired," she said, still amused.

Shaking my head, I sighed deeply before saying, "Thank you, Pamela, for convincing me that going on a date with Bruce Wayne was the best choice ever."

"What?" she said, stunned by that revelation and starting to ask questions, but I just ignored her, driving to Wayne Tech. This was no longer my problem.