Prologue

Some say beauty is the way the body sways side to side, a rhythm that makes even the sickest of fools go mad. Only fools throw a frenzy over the number of chicks they bring to the table...but to me, sweeping girls off their feet was just too easy.

I was just another player in a game where there was only one rule, "Why settle for one when you can have many?" I couldn't even stay loyal to myself. A girl came in my life and ruined it all. Lily didn't care about impressing me, she tried being friends and even introduce me to her friends who would try to seduce me. 

They would pull me away from her and try talking to be but I would remain unbothered, waiting for Lily to snatch them over. I genuinely didn't care about them but one thing that pissed me off was how they were always with her. I never had time to actually make a move. Until one day, I caught her sharing a Starbucks drink with a guy. They looked close...too close.

And there I was, standing like a fool wishing that bastard was me instead.

I tried to ignore it, tried to focus on other girls, tried brainwashing myself into thinking she loved me.

Is this what it had come to? 

It wasn't about her being with someone else. It was about losing control.

And I had no intention of losing my favorite game.

Were her lips soft? And...did they taste like cherries?

What I thought to be love had turned into a dangerous game of cards that even when the experts of this game are asked to pour their blood, sweat and tears just to win this bet, they all eventually lose in the end. But they never seem to understand. I always watched her from afar, despising himself each time she wasn't in his arms. She didn't know me like I knew her.

She didn't understand how every move she made left me breathless, how I wanted to kiss her so badly and never leave her side. As I sat alone in my room , replaying that night over and over again, I wasn't sure which part of it was real anymore. Was it the way I had smiled as she greeted everyone, or the way her eyes sparkled when she snorted? Or was it the terrifying moment when I watched her fall...watching it all slip through my fingers? I didn't even know if I regretted it, because a part of me felt like she deserved it. 

"Why couldn't you atleast die in my arms!" I yelled at river. 

My friends dragged her pale lifeless body out of the river and gently lay her on the soggy grass, trembling when her pulse was nowhere to be found. I snatched her and pulled her close. 

"Even when you're gone you're beautiful," I cried.

I caressed her golden locks and pulled her closer.

"Come on Caleb we got to go," Tyler urged, "If anyone finds out what happened we'll be sent straight to jail."

My eyes twitched.

"Is that what you're seriously thinking about right now?"

The rest of the group stood in dismay to see me going haywire because of a girl who they saw as a pathetic bitch.

"Leave if you all want. Lily will keep me company," I said. 

No one dared to oppose my words and scurried away, far away from her watery grave.

I spent hours at the river until sunset then I finally said, "It's getting late my love. Sleep tight. Don't let the critters bite." I nudged her cold finger to wipe one of my tears and smiled sweetly then I turned to head home.

When I arrived home late, I could not escape my depression especially from my own father.

"What did I tell you about staying out so damn late!" Father scolded, inhaling his cigarette, "I should beat you really bad little boy."

"I was with my friends," I sighed but immediately went silent.

"Friends? You expect me to believe that shit!" Father barked, throwing his still hot cigarette at him, "You're always fucking messing around with some stupid girls who want nothing better for you in life."

I dashed to my room and locked the door. My tough exterior began to betrayed me. I sobbed silently and whispered, "I fucking hate you dad. I love her and she's the only one who was fucking there for me but I screwed up."

I panted harder, tears drilling down my face faster. That's when my eyes drifted to my sketchpad. All the sketches of Lily were so elegant, so happy and alive.

"Why couldn't I have been born as you you stupid bitch you dumb fuck!" I cried harder, "Girls get it so fucking easy. Not even my own father cares about me!"

I sat on my bed, my hands trembling. I pressed my palms into my thighs. The room felt like it was getting thinner, my father's voice ringing in my ears.

I bit my lip, hard enough to draw a metallic tang of blood. My fingers twitched towards my mouth, and without thinking, my thumb brushed against my lips. I froze. 

I wasn't used to this but without her by my side...what choice did I have? But I sighed and let my hand drop, gripping the edge of the mattress instead. 

A tear slipped down my cheek, but I wiped it away, my jaw clenching. "What's gotten into me?" I muttered.

I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed and cried at the top of his lungs but Father didn't like that.

Loud footsteps stomped up the stairs and a loud bang on the door and the constant turn of the door knob made me hide under my bed.

"If I'm nowhere to be found. He'll go away." I yawned, my eyes closed shut.