purification

Eusevia's notes led us to a place where she determined the power of the famine was strongest. It's a remote valley in the mountains, and as we arrive, I can sense the overwhelming negative energy. The land itself feels sick, and horrid energy emanates from within. 

No trees grow on top of this flat mountain peak - no life, nor snow. Even stepping onto the grainy stone has me shivering in unease.

It's a small solace, but the ground emanates an otherworldly warmth. If I'm taking my wings out, I'd rather not be freezing.

"What should I do?" I ask Jan. She's preparing an area on the ground. Maybe that's the spot where we'll focus the purification ritual?

Jan has created a circle on the cracked ground in chalk. "It'll go there," she says quietly, affirming my belief.

It feels like the land is moving - groaning. It must be the power of the famine. Such ominous power.

I remove my jacket and allow my wings to manifest. My wings, glassy projections of maroon, sprout out of me. Jan steps close behind me. 

"Maroon wings. A true member of the Madera clan. Do you know what these are for?" Jan says, her hand hovering over the tip of my wing. 

"Yes," I reply quickly, my face flushing. 

Jan nods. "And these as well, I assume?" She doesn't touch them, but her fingertips float a hair's breadth from the arched horns at the top of my wings.

"Yes."

Jan's gaze drifts downward, examining the array of petal-like crystals on my back.

"Your eyes," she says, touching the tip of her finger to the section of my wing closest to my neck. "If you lose this, you'll no longer be able to see in the dark."

My body locks up. I've never had my wings touched before. Never even dared to touch my own. They seem so sensitive, I thought I would break them if I were reckless.

She touches the two segments underneath. "Moonbreathing," she says, "On your right. If you lose this, you will never be able to exist on the moon again. And the one on your left controls your gravity. This is what allows Nephilim to remain so agile."

Moonbreathing. If I ever want to see Rylin again, I'll have to make sure that petal is protected at all costs.

"The two petals below are united in purpose. They are manifestations of pure energy. If you lose these, you will also lose your vitality. 

"And the two below that, on your right, your Nephilim durability. on the left, your longevity. If you lose these, you will be no tougher than a human. Live no longer."

Jan places her palm on the petal directly in the center of my back, after detailing the ones that surround it in a circle. 

"This one is the most precious of all," Jan sighs. "If you lose this one, all other petals will fade away, and you will no longer be a Nephilim. You will lose all of your memories. And you will become fully human."

Jan steps away from me only slightly. Her words embed themselves in my mind. My eyes, my memories. Moonbreathing. Gravity. Energy. Durability. Longevity. None of these are things I want to lose. I'll have to safeguard those center petals more closely than anything.

"These are the pieces that are more...negotiable," Jan says, her voice growing interesting. 

"This piece," she starts, touching the glossy surface of one of my wing petals, "If you remove this, you will become afflicted with something called Greed. This power will cause you to seek wealth in the way humans do. But you can control it. Remain stronger than the Greed, and it shall grant you great power. Sacrificing this piece of your wings will make you grow stronger every time you battle another. You will claim some of their strength for your own."

My heart wavers. Such a sacrifice is tempting. Surely I'm stronger than a little materialism? 

"This part," she continues, "Will afflict you with Gluttony. It is the piece I would ask you to sacrifice today. Once you do, you will feel hunger and thirst like an ordinary human. But you will gain the power to heal the land of its curse. And, as I have mentioned before, this increased appetite of yours will be to your benefit. You will grow in your capacity to hold mana. It will strengthen you, and reduce the pain your Vessel feels when you fight."

I am already resolved to do this - to make this sacrifice here and now. But I dare not interrupt. This information may some day be valuable. I may choose to make these sacrifices willingly. Anything to see my wish come true. Anything to see Rylin again.

On the lower left part of my wings grows a longer petal that sticks out straight to the left. Jan draws my attention to this. "This will afflict you with 'Wrath', August. A power so great it can drive you into a violent frenzy. Should you sacrifice this, you will double your potential...but you must use the power responsibly, or it could consume you.

I don't like the sound of that. 

Jan motions to the tailfeathers - two long, feathery petals that grow down from the bottom of my wings. "Do you know of these?"

Vaguely. "I'm supposed to break them both off in the case of an emergency," I respond. "If my life is in imminent danger and I have time to hide somewhere."

Jan smirks. "Exactly right. They will turn you into a spirit light. And when you are safe again, you'd be able to manifest again as you are."

My eyes flicker. Everyone on the moon was a spirit light when I returned with Kieran. Everyone...they all had to remove parts of themselves just to survive.

This fills me with conviction. Why should I remain a fully intact Nephilim when everyone on the moon couldn't? This sacrifice isn't just for me. It's for the future of Little Moon Town.

She guides my attention to the right side of my wings. Just three pieces left. 

"Envy," she says first, directing me to the lower right petal of my wings. "It will fill you with desire for things you can never have. But sacrificing it will allow you to give someone something they lack."

My nostrils flare as she speaks those words. "Something they lack? Like...what?"

"You could restore a piece of another Nephilim's wings. Or perhaps you could use it to breathe life into a dying human. It is a great boon, August. But the affliction of Envy has doomed many Nephilim before us. Some say it is the hardest curse to overcome."

It's powerful indeed. It's the ability to save a life. Maybe even grant someone new powers. 

"The affliction of Sloth," she murmurs. "Losing this will cost you motivation, but will grant you the most comforting of powers. This is the first petal I lost. If ever there should come a time when you are overtaken by grief, or sadness, or the burdens placed upon you, you can sacrifice this, August. It will help you overcome even the greatest of trials."

"What do you mean?" What she says sounds pleasant, but I don't quite understand. 

"Whenever you rest, you will be overcome with bliss. Your dreams will become like reality. You will find yourself needing more sleep, however," she warns. "But in the name of self-care, I found it a worthy sacrifice. The one I regret least, to be sure."

One more piece. She doesn't touch this one with her delicate fingers. A long, sharp petal just underneath my 'horn'.

"This will afflict you with the curse of Lust," she says quietly. "Need I explain?"

"The other curses had some benefits attached. Doesn't that one?"

Jan laughs. "Some, I suppose. You can consider it another facet of self-care. Ah, but if you ever give it to someone willingly, they will gain power over you."

"Why would I want that?" I say uncomfortably.

"Ideally it would be someone you love and trust, August. Their newfound power would grant them incredible strength. Strength that could protect them, even when you were not around. Ah, but then you would live with burning lust in your heart. Such a thing can take control over anyone, not just a human."

Don't I know it. Rav might not be human, but he's certainly guilty of all these things.

I recognize the terms. We call them the seven sins of humanity. And yet, Jan only mentioned six.

"Is there no affliction of Pride?" I ask. 

Jan pats me on the shoulder and leads me to the ritual circle. "A story for another time. We must perform the purification, August. Remember, it's this one - "

"I know," I say before she touches me again. "The part of me sealing Gluttony is this one."

I clutch it in my hand. I feel the power surging through it. But I hesitate. Long enough for Jan to chastise me.

"Quickly," she snaps. "We have much to do."

She's right. I can do this. 

I apply pressure on my wing. I'm surprised at how much force it actually takes to break the petal of my wing off. It doesn't cause any pain. Were I not the one doing it to myself, I would have hardly noticed. 

As it clips off, and breaks into a shard in my hand, all I can think about is Rylin.

It feels...anticlimactic. How mundane losing a part of myself could feel. Is it really this easy to give up such importance? 

I drop the petal to the ground in front of me, directly in the center of the circle. As it falls against the ground, it shatters into maroon sand and the earth gobbles up the shards. As it disappears, I can't help but stare.

The pervasive dread seeping from the ground doesn't appear to grow any lighter. Maybe it will take a while.

And then it comes. The feeling of a knot growing in my stomach. I'm hungry. Hungrier than I've ever felt in my life.

"You've done a wonderful job, August. Wonderful indeed."

I turn to Jan. I didn't even realize it, but my eyes are full of tears. 

"The famine is fixed now, right?" I say. "That helped, right?"

Jan looks deep into my eyes - the eyes she shares with me. Deep, yellow, contemplative eyes. 

"More than you could ever imagine." She says it with a lingering smile.