AN UNCOMFORTABLE TALK

And with that ends the story about the past and how I ended, leaving without giving any explanations.

Although the version I told Anna didn't include several of Tres' secrets, I don't think it's appropriate to go around telling someone else's secrets after all.

But I think I told the story in such a way that you can understand, more or less well, the reasons why I left.

And unlike a certain person, Anna did give me a reaction of surprise and disbelief, which should already be considered an achievement.

But his surprise only lasted a few minutes, and then he stared at me for a while, obviously suspecting that I made up the story, and with his gaze, he tried to make me confess, but sadly his gaze didn't have that power, and at least this time he wasn't lying, at most he was omitting information.

- – So let me get this straight, you lived through a tragedy and uncovered a criminal network, and instead of relying on your friends and family for support, you decided it was a good idea to commit murder, and then you screwed over half the people around you in a fit of rage, only to walk away as if nothing happened without giving any explanation or saying goodbye.

Women are not to be trusted.

At first when she asked me to tell her the story she promised me that she wouldn't get angry with me, but right now her tone of voice tells me that she is angry, and from her looks the object that causes her anger and on whom she plans to vent it is me.

- – that would not be the way I would describe my actions and decisions…

I would say that I carried out a tactical retreat while carrying out a scorched earth strategy.

The scorched earth strategy is a fairly old strategy, which is summarized as that when a group is unable to defend its territory, it chooses to retreat while destroying its territory, to cause problems for the opponent and prevent the enemy from taking advantage of the territory gained, and although the strategy began with the burning of towns and farmland, over time other methods were used to make the land unusable or very difficult for the enemy to use, in a certain way nuclear war is in a certain sense a type of scorched earth strategy.

In short, she is right, but I refuse to admit it, I prefer to say that I should leave on my own terms, rather than saying that I did something hugely stupid and empowered the situation by leaving in a stupid way.

So now that she's in this kind of upset and frustrated state, it's urgently necessary to change the subject, or else my physical and emotional integrity will be in grave danger, because just a few moments ago she showed me that she still tends to resort to violence when she's upset, and I think it's very necessary to remember that I'm still the biggest source of annoyance for her within a mile radius.

This makes this situation very dangerous for me because I could physically suffer the damage she suffered emotionally, and in the process, she could release stress, in short, a lot of good things for her, but none for me.

- – So tell me about your life, how you've been these years without me, giving color to your life.

- – …

For a moment she remains silent and looks at me with a certain look of contempt, as if she were reproaching me for choosing a way that was too brazen and forced to change the subject, but the only thing I can think is that the only important thing in this type of situation where my integrity is at risk is the result and the functionality.

- – The truth is that I could be better, but I am doing quite well and I am having quite a bit of success in my career.

- – So it turns out that in the end, you were the only one of us who managed to graduate from university, mmmm…. Interesting.

- – I wasn't the only one Beth, Jess, Sam Alice, and a few others made it, and while many didn't make it or gave up halfway or near the finish line, in the end, the only ones who gave up before they started were you, Tres and the group of misfits who had no chance from the start.

Well, that's a bit of a shame, after all, the three of us were considered pretty smart kids, we even skipped a couple of classes, but now it turns out that we're the only ones without a degree, proving that our knowledge is superior to that of mere mortals.

What a shame….

- – And tell me about your life, I heard from Tres that you got married to the love of your life…

The "love of your life" was a boy she became obsessed with, who she claimed was her ideal guy, and now I'm curious about what happened between them, it can be strange since I got here, I haven't noticed any signs of anyone else living here, much less a man.

- – I think you mean Michael…, we divorced him almost a year ago, 9 months I think, when I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who looked like she had just left school.

- – …

- – In the end, I filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery, and during the process, I discovered that his affair had lasted about 7 months, which in a way made him a pedophile, since the girl had just turned 18 the same month I discovered them, which didn't help his case, and in the end, I kept most of his things after the divorce, including a house and his car, which I still have.

I know they say you find your destiny by escaping from it, and I think this situation describes it very accurately, as I changed the subject to avoid a conversation that would arouse his annoyance and somehow ended up stepping on a mine in the conversation.

- – But you know something, after we got divorced, I realized that our relationship was doomed from the start because when you fall in love you only see the good parts of the other person and what is missing or not convenient to see you end up filling with illusions and fantasies.

- —… Mmmmm

I can only answer with a nod after all I wasn't prepared for this kind of topic, although she doesn't really seem that upset with the end of her married life.

- – I don't know what to tell you, honestly, I always thought that if anyone could maintain a functional relationship it would be you, because almost all the members of our old group of friends were a disaster in relationships, and you seemed too happy and stable, so much so that we believed that you would manage to maintain your relationship for the rest of your life.

- That's what I thought, but no relationship works with just one person, unfortunately, relationships can be ruined, because both have free will, and the free will of one can screw up the relationship for both.

- – … I'd better decline to comment on that.

- – The only thing that was redeemable about the divorce was that our relationship was fading away for a while, with nothing I tried being able to recover the bond that I thought we had in the past, so discovering the final nail in the coffin of our relationship wasn't as hard a blow as others would believe, of course it hurt, but it was more about losing something we held on to for so long than losing someone who long ago decided to leave.

- – Mmm, I'll confess something to you, and that is that I'm surprised that Alan managed to fool you, you know, you're a psychologist and one of the unscrupulous ones who tends to analyze people to always have control of the situation, which makes me wonder how he managed to fool you right under your nose.

- – love blinds you, and after you have sworn to trust someone through thick and thin for the rest of your life, and you are the kind of person who is willing to keep that promise, you tend to think that the other side will too, after all you trusted them enough to share the rest of your life; frankly in that kind of situation the last thing you think about is infidelity, and maybe that is because of love, maybe because of denial, surely because of stupidity.

- ….

Yes, love was the worst invention of humanity or the greatest punishment from God, how else could you explain an emotion capable of making you live a lie voluntarily, destroying you into a million pieces when you lose it, and becoming as stupid as a stone when you notice that it is false?

- – But let's stop talking about sad things and get back to the main topic, why are you in my house?

Well, that is something I can answer simply and confidently.

- – you see.

- You remember I talked about your marriage without knowing it was a thing of the past, and that I said it was Tres who kept me informed, well it turns out the guy was arrested a year ago, and since he wasn't available I thought it would be a good idea to surprise you and ask you to lend me a place for a few days, according to Tres he'll be out in a week or two, after which I'll go with him and I'll no longer be your problem and I'll become Tres's problem.

- – to sum it up, it was your second choice.

- – In short, yes, but technically it is not like that, after all, I already knew that Tres would not be there, so you were my only option from the beginning, besides a hotel or motel, but it would be very annoying.

- – You are not helping yourself with your answers, I almost want to kick you out to see how you will manage on your own, but

- – but you will, because you're worried that being alone will make me act more stupid than usual, or any other excuse you can think of, not to mention making me feel grateful that you're letting me stay when you weren't planning on letting me stay in the first place.

I know it's stupid, but I couldn't think of a better idea than wanting to analyze the behavior of a specialist in human behavior, and all this in the tone of a cold joke, which can be interpreted as something serious or a

- – Kaden, are you sure you want to do this, because between the two of you, there is only one person who is capable of analyzing another's way of thinking and behavior, and that person is not you.

- – …

- - I'm sorry.

- – I think I should go settle in the guest room, you said it was at the end of the hall right?

That's all I can say, because I'm wrong in this situation, after all, I made a joke that neither of us would consider funny, due to the number of things she had to sacrifice to achieve her aspirations, and how lonely her house looks, should have known it was a bad idea to joke about that subject, plus I don't have a history of getting along with psychologists and therapists, so anything I said about that profession would sound like a cold joke.

***

It's good to finally be able to rest because this has been a very tiring morning in many ways.

After all, I arrived at this house when the sun was just rising, but I think it was already noon.

But I really need to find a way to apologize for that cold joke, after all, it's a bad idea to upset the person who's letting you stay at their house and one of the few people from your past who still tolerates your existence.

This is all I can think about as I unpack my bags, in which I bring nothing but an old uniform, a medal, and a flag that has long since lost its meaning, all of these being reminders of what I have been doing during these years.

Years in which I set foot on the 5 continents, I once again abandoned my sense of self, but this time I simply did it to avoid thinking about everything I did and was willing to do in the name of laws and creeds in which no one who was not a complete idiot would believe, but military organizations have a way of making anyone stupid, so in that environment it is quite difficult to evaluate who is an idiot by birth and who is one by choice, a choice that is often to think that one is right to silence the conscience that accuses them.

- – Mmm, I think my tools should have arrived by now, after all, I sent them in advance, but I don't want to go today, I'm too tired for that, and I don't think the post office will have much of a problem with a couple more days of looking after my packages for me.

With these thoughts, I can finally go to sleep, even if it's half a day in this place, but I'm really tired and my sleep cycle may readjust later.