A Look Back at the Past

10th September, 1395

My name is Ria Milford, I am now almost 32 years old. Time just passed way to quickly, It's almost been three years since he died. My love, our son is going to be eight years old today….He looks just like you now. Today will be my eldest son, James's birthday. 'I need to be strong today, I am sorry, I won't cry at the day you died, But I think you will understand, It's his special day. It's almost seven, he will be waking any time now. 

"It's weird why hasn't the Sun come out yet, guess it's just getting colder."

I walk back to the kitchen, and the sweet smell of cake I was baking fills my nostrils, An uncontrollable smile crept on my face. It smells delicious; he will definitely like it. Both Clara and Leor might be a bit more needy than him, Like how on Clara's birthday she was adamant about visiting the capitol, and buying that new silk dress. In the end I was forced to use that secret emergency fund I was saving from my knitting job. Ahh but in the end, she's just like me, I also want a new pretty dress. 

Leor on the other hand is kind of Eerie….I can't believe I am saying this about my own son. Still, he's unusually calm for a three-year-old, and weirdly staring at the moon whenever he gets the chance to do that, Even when Clara plays pranks on him, like yesterday she was just telling him a scary story about how a blonde haired beautiful woman steals children, and lock them for eternity, he had no freaking reaction to that, He really said that I liked it, please tell me more, and in place Clara was the one who got scared trying to get Leor scared by telling him multiple horror stories I told her in past. The poor child had to sleep with me that night. 

Ah, Maybe I am just overthinking a bit, and he's just simply special in his own way.

Suddenly there was a loud sound of thumping footsteps, looks like they're awake. And yes three children were running out from a single room. James has neatly combed black hair and dark eyes. His slightly feminine features give him a childlike charm, and he looks the most like me. He had a bright glow in his eyes, and his features gave him a child-like charm. On the other hand, Clara had her beautiful, flowing brownish-black hair completely messy, and disheveled, her bright green eyes scanning everything with unparalleled curiosity and enthusiasm. Behind her three-year-old Leor was standing, while balancing himself by holding his sister's dress, he still couldn't run properly and was probably tired after trying to keep up with them. He looked like a twin of Clara, with exactly the same brownish black hair, but his eyes, green had a dark shade, giving him amber coloured eyes, just like him. He had that eerie calm expression, while childlike curiosity in his eyes, They're probably excited about the banquet, and that I am taking a holiday today, spending the whole day with them. 

"Happy Birthday Jamie!!" I quickly bent down to James's height and hugged him tightly. 

"Thanks, you don't have to celebrate it every time, I am a grown-up now." He felt a little bit shy for some reason.

"Yes, Yes, You're a grown-up, But it's an excuse for me to take a break from all the work, Do you want Mommy to go to work?" I blatantly tried to guilt-trip him.

"No, No I was just saying that you don't have to worry yourself, I love that you're here, Please don't leave." said James fanitacally while blushing.

Aww, he's just too innocent for me to not tease. I pick up James and hug him more tightly now.

I froze, noticing Clara and Leor staring at me with their extremely judgy eyes, as if they could see straight through my soul.

"Clara, Why did run away from my room at like two-three in the night? I was worried for a while." We live in a small house in rural village on the outskirts of Thornfield Empire, With only two rooms, one kitchen, and one bathroom, Yesterday Clara came crying to me, scared senseless, then ran away back to James's room in midnight. That's Leor like behavior, roaming around at midnight, to look at stars or sky. Is he also effecting her?

"I….I don't know, I don't remember anything, Just that I went to sleep with you, and woke up with them." Clara looked scared, again, just like last night.

"You were crying at the door, And I opened it for her, She was sad, So we went back to sleep." Leor said with a child-like high pitched voice with narrowed eyes, as if trying to recall the memory more clearly.

All three of us stared at Leor with worry, trying to comprehend what he had just said.

"Are you all right Clara, and why didn't you woke me up Leor?" James pushed away from my hold and rushed toward Clara, frantically shaking her shoulders, and examining her to see if she's alright.

"Did you had a nightmare?" she seemed confuse like she didn't remembered anything. With my question, it looked like she found an answer.

"uhh..Yes, I saw a really beautiful woman, with blonde hair, and blue eyes, just like the story. It wasn't really a nightmare, but she was…so beautiful that it was scary. I think she was talking about something, but… I can't remember."I let out a deep sigh, shoulders relaxing as relief washed over me. Just a nightmare, nothing more. Ahh, I really need to stop telling them those scary stories.

"Don't worry, It's fine now, Don't try to remember it from now on. And No more scary stories in this house anymore." I squatted down to her level and gently patted her head.

"Alright…." Clara said with a downward gaze, Not making eye contact with anyone. 

"Mom, Did you also make rabbit stew?" James asked, obviously trying to change the mood.

"How couldn't I, I know this is your favorite. It's getting cold, let's go eat Now," I said, getting back up, and lifting the average-sized cake I baked while defending it away from Leor, who was sneakily trying to steal some of it.

"How could I not? I know it's your favorite. Come on, it's getting cold—let's eat before Leor steals the cake," I say, lifting the cake just in time to stop Leor from sneakily grabbing a piece.

~End POV~

That evening was the last memory I had of my mother.

After the banquet, we played 'The Landlord's Game'—James's favorite.We never had so much fun ever again, After her death, whenever we try to do something, It feels like we're lacking something. James became more Introverted too, and Leor, He was already a quiet kid, but now it's even worse and Leor…..started to stare at the sky more often. Leor's state was most likely due to me, I had a breakdown that day, I stayed quite, and depressed for many days. James tried his hardest to change my mood, even suppressing his own feelings in the process. But Leor, I was really close to him, And seeing me like that, as a three year old child, He must've gone through a lot. He also tried to cheer me up, but he didn't know how to do that, So he just quietly sat down beside me, Or randomly hugged me. I also had many more nightmares about that woman, So many that they didn't scare me anymore. 

Now, I always try my best, to go back to how we used to be, happy, cheerful, and not playing pretend all the time. That's why as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a psychiatrist, Help them however I could, And I also wanted to learn more about human nature. How could someone be so evil? How could someone kill a person, A woman, A mother, So easily? And even laugh about it.

But after her death, It seemed impossible. James took all the responsibilities on him, Fed us daily, even if he had to starve, and Worked multiple physically demanding odd jobs to sustain our lives. As a young boy, It must've been really hard on him. Some neighbors took pity on us, and started hiring James more, giving him extra money, or food, even after the payment sometimes. When I grew older, I began to help in any way I could. I used the knitting skills our mother had taught me to make and sell clothes. With my help, we could finally afford to eat meat occasionally, buy new clothes, and even save a little. On special occasions, we managed to have small banquets. Most importantly, we saved enough to buy old books for Leor. He was a smart kid who loved to study, and despite our difficult situation, we didn't want his potential to go to waste.

Then one day, everything changed. Thornfield Imperial Academy, the most prestigious institution in the Empire, announced a new merit-based program. It had always been exclusive to nobles but after numerous protests by commoners, Queen Victoria herself initiated this program, allowing anyone—even poor commoners—to apply. The catch? The entrance exam was notoriously difficult, and competition was fierce.

Leor was seventeen when he decided to take the exam. He was competing not just against students who had received proper education but also against royals who had been rigorously tutored from birth. Unlike them, Leor had only self-studied while working odd jobs with James to support us. Despite the odds, he somehow managed to qualify.

It was a miracle for a commoner to get to study there. For graduates, it's guaranteed to get most jobs Like in Civil services, or in the Military.

13th September, 1410, Present Day

"Clara! Sign it already, Did you also start daydreaming like your brother?" asked James playfully, interrupting my thoughts. I look back at the paper in my hand, and tears unnaturally flow out of my eyes. It was an admission letter, for Thornfield Imperial Academy, In 'Human Nature and Psychology'. I don't have to work my whole life, I can also do what I love? 

I signed it. Looked at it again, and lunged toward James, making him fall from the chair he was sitting in. AHHHH, Leor Help! I hear James scream, and I finally say, What I wanted to say to him so many times "Thank you."

–TO BE CONTINUED-