The False Breaking Point

"Ughh... Urrrgggh..."

My neck hurts, my eyes are still closed because I haven't even woken up yet. But this time I feel that this is different, making me aware that I have managed to get through the loop. However, that something different is very disturbing. It makes it hard for me to breathe for some reason.

"Dieeeee!"

Someone's scream makes me realize that I am being choked by someone. That explains why my neck hurts so much. I just don't dare to open my eyes because I already know who is choking me.

After all, I can't possibly not recognize my own family's voice.

I start to hope that I am wrong. I'd rather be choked by a hitman than by the person I am thinking about right now. Because that person seems very kind to me, always appearing to bear the burden alone, and never giving up trying to fix our increasingly loose family ties. That person is my mother.

I open my eyes and finally see my mother trying to choke me while crying.

"If only you didn't exist! Hiks... Hiks..."

"..."

"Do you want to ruin Maria's life even more!?"

"..."

I am not angry, I am not sad, I have no desire to fight back; I just silently stare into her eyes. One thing I know right now is that I just feel disappointed.

I feel disappointed, not because I feel deceived by her kindness, but because I can finally see firsthand how heavy the burden my mother has been carrying all this time. Because deep down in my heart, I had hoped that she would carry that burden alone until she and I parted ways one day.

Those red eyes, I see eyes full of guilt, sadness, disappointment, and also anger mixed within them. Staring at me with hatred and doubt in her heart.

That doubt comes from her still having a human side within her.

What does it mean to kill? Once humanity remembers the meaning of that question, other questions arise.

Why do you kill? Because there is no human who does not have a reason, even to do something as trivial as walking.

The more humans think, the more they overthink, and the more doubt envelops their hearts. As expected, my mother is using an inefficient method to kill; my eyes that look resigned to life surely make her feel pity.

In the end, she runs away as fast as she can.

"Waii-waii-waaii-waaaa...!"

I chase after her quickly while holding my aching neck. But my still unstable breath hinders my swift run. Until I lose her as she escapes the house through the door.

Maria and my father are not home in the morning. Unlike usual, they didn't even have breakfast together. Because my father had to postpone going to work to go to Maria's school to prepare a few things so she could transfer schools.

In the end, Maria and I agreed to tell my father about what happened. But not my mother. Because I am sure my mother would do something crazy at Maria's school if she found out about Maria.

My mother is someone who will not back down from what she believes in. When others try to justify their wrongs, she will act like a child and raise her voice. Until she eventually explodes and destroys everything she can.

Just like now, it seems my mother realizes something strange about Maria and causes a misunderstanding. In the end, she blames me for something she doesn't even fully understand. A foolish yet very human action. Because I would surely suspect myself if I were in her position. It's just that her impatience makes her act without thinking. Ending with her almost killing me.

On my way to the bathroom, I look in the mirror. Witnessing my neck that was almost destroyed and the two clear handprints there. Even my throat feels shattered inside, making it hard for me to speak or breathe normally.

But for now, I am more worried about my mother's whereabouts after she ran away. Seeing her eyes just moments ago makes me doubt that she will return without being picked up by someone. Therefore, I prepare to wear my casual clothes and go out to look for her.

While searching for her, I realize that I truly do not know anything about my mother. I only know her as a mother trying to mend family ties while holding back her slowly crumbling mental state due to loneliness.

I don't even know the places she usually visits, or even simple things like her favorite food. It shows how loose my relationship with her is.

But I still try to search by walking around the house. Asking neighbors nearby. And continuously following their directions while trying to predict where my mother has run off to.

While searching for her, I learn from people on the street that my mother indeed looks like she's sweating, just as I suspected. She just smiles at them as she usually does. However, some people notice that her smile and greetings seem insincere, and she looks like she wants to run away quickly.

After that, I am finally sure that my mother is someone who does not want to be pitied by others. Covering her heart with her demeanor, she adapts to the environment by lying. Lying to others and also to herself to gain a temporary comfort that she knows does not solve anything.

I am sure she also realizes that what she's doing is just running away. Running away does not solve the problem; it only hinders it. Because eventually, one day you have to face your problems unless you die.

However, I doubt there is a human who can bear that burden alone until they die. Because right now I understand after going through that phase.

If there were no loop happening, maybe I would still be trapped in fear. The loop became the thing that gave me a chance by forcing me to face my problems.

That's why I am sure my mother can also face her problems. It's just that there needs to be something or someone to support her. Because humans cannot live alone. Humans are social beings, where they live depending on one another.

But I realize, it is not me who should support my mother right now. Unlike Maria, I only helped her resolve the issues at school. But this time it's different because the source of my mother's problem is me.

I immediately think of my father, but I am still too scared of him. That's why I think Maria might be able to do it.

But for now, I need to do something about my mother first.

I find her sitting alone at a café, sipping a drink. However, she is crying, making my movements stop as I choose to observe from a distance.

Not long after, a man with a mask and a red hoodie appears.

I can't hear their conversation. I can only understand that my mom is talking about something that makes her sad because she is crying. However, not long after, my mother looks angry, grabbing the collar of the man's shirt as if forcing him to do something I don't know.

I approach because I want to hear their conversation more clearly. But before I can do that, I feel a blow to my head from behind, and I faint.

I don't know how much time has passed; I don't know anything and suddenly wake up in front of two masked men. I am very sure that one of them is the person who met my mother earlier because he is wearing the same red hoodie.

I look around and find myself in a room of someone I don't recognize.

"Hey... What are you doing? Are you kidnapping this person?" says the one in the red hoodie.

"Of course not! I saw him doing something suspicious."

"Suspicious?"

"Yeah, he looked like he was eavesdropping on your conversation."

"Hmm," slowly the red hoodie guy leans closer to me.

Making me scared and trying to run away. But I finally realize that I am tied up, only to find it strange that I didn't notice I was tied to a chair from the beginning.

Finally, I also realize that my body feels numb right now. My sense of touch seems to have vanished. I am very tired for no clear reason. My breath is irregular, and I feel that my emotions are very unstable right now.

Panic happens every second, making my hearing and vision weaken.

Even the drowsiness I feel right now is very confusing. Because I shouldn't be sleepy after sleeping all night and fainting for a while. I have rested more than enough from what a human needs.

"I know this guy," says the one in the red hoodie.

"Really?"

"Yeah, just let him go. After all, from that distance, there's no way he could hear you."

"But what if he becomes a problem and harms us?"

"Haaa? What can an ordinary kid like him do? He's just a rebellious child."

"Isn't he just worried about his mom?"

"You call it worry; I call it distrust."

"Anyway, I don't really care. Do you really want this guy released?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"But—" his friend looks hesitant.

"David," the red hoodie guy starts to stare at his friend.

His friend, who finally gives in and agrees, can only sigh and look down.

"We're not killers, David," says the red hoodie guy.

"Fine, I'll comply. Just know, if something bad happens, you're responsible."

"That's fine."

"Good."

After that, his friend takes turns with the red hoodie guy to look at my face closely.

"Be grateful you still have family, you bastard!"

After that, I am punched until I faint. When I come to, I find myself in front of my house.

Not long after, my father, mother, and Maria look shocked to see me. I don't question why they are not inside the house. Because I am too tired, I am so tired, I don't know why I am so tired for no reason.

My body feels strange, even when my mother hugs me now, I still don't feel her warmth.

Seeing Maria, who is also crying, makes me feel even more panicked and exhausted.

I still don't dare to look at my father's face, making this situation completely uncontrollable.

I start to vomit; I panic, I vomit because of the panic, and I don't even know why; it's just that the mixed feelings make my panic worsen.

In the end, I slowly close my eyes, thinking I will faint; that's why I look at my family's faces for the last time and smile. Because in those last moments, I realize that they truly care about me. After that, I close my eyes and feel better because of that.

However, the situation becomes strange; my neck starts hurting again. I know what I feel at that moment; my condition suddenly improves, and I can think clearly. I open my eyes and see my mother's face again, but this time she is choking me with her red eyes while crying, her face looking angry but also showing doubt in her eyes.

I quickly realize my situation and mumble while holding the pain in my neck:

"A-a-akhh- I-I am d-die..."