Egg Fried Rice

Leafing through it, I don't really see a problem. Until I do.

"Were you trying to cook with exactly the measurements they gave?"

Grouchy from constant failure, he gritted out."What else would I cook with? It's impossible."

I blink."Penguin. You know the human language isn't so exact. Some things mean other things."

I flip to another page and show him. "Like here…Golden brown doesn't actually mean brown. You're not really trying to make brown rice. It's just supposed to be cooked completely until it's yellow-ish. Vegetables don't actually sweat—Creaming butter and sugar just means whipping it. A pinch of salt…Oh my god."

His face burns up and turns into that of a tomato. That's simultaneously hilarious and kinda sad. He reminds me of Tommy. A kid I used to babysit at the after-school program. He often had difficulty with the same thing. Jokes were kinda lost on him too. Everything seemed to come through a literal filter before it reached him. 

"Come here."

Egg fried rice. It's easy enough. The kitchen cabinets are pretty bare, though, and the counter. What a mess! Also, these pans. Has he just been cooking with the remains of failures still stuck to the pan?

Jesus.

"Ok. Step one. Clean this kitchen right now. All of it!"

Together we cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom. Then we bought more eggs and chickens from the system store.

"Ok. First, let's chop up all of these veggies."

Penguin winced and cut them all up perfectly. It was like he was holding an imaginary ruler next to each vegetable.

 So that's not a problem. Onions, carrots, garlic, and, of course, eggs.

"Beat the eggs."

He put two eggs in a bowl and placed it on the ground. What? He then proceeded to smash his bare foot into them. My ears buzzed, and Melinoë choked on her own saliva.

Aja said in the most worried southern mother way ever. "Oh. Oh no."

"What are you doing?! Stop it!" I put my hands underneath his arms and lifted him away from the bowl where the badly beaten eggs lay defeated. This is what he was doing?!

Oh my god!

"I was beating—"

"No!"

After another much-needed explanation, Penguin finally beat the eggs the proper way. I heated the stove, set the frying pan on top, and added some olive oil. After which I poured the eggs inside, waited for them to cook, and set them aside in a bowl.

Now to the slightly harder part. 

"With a small spoon, evenly pour some oil in just like I did."

Penguin follows my instructions to the letter, and I sigh with relief. "Now it's time to sauté the vegetables. Carefully dump them in and avoid getting hit by the oil."

The vegetables make cracking and popping noises as the oil consumes them. "Now sauté them. Which just means stir or toss. Wait! Not with your fingers! Like this."

I used the handle of the pan to flip the vegetables in the air, and they landed inside the pan with a satisfying pop. "Don't let them stick to the pan."

Penguin tried it and almost burned himself the first time, but he got a handle on it soon enough.

"Now let's cook some rice. The book says to do it one way, but I'm Hispanic and we're doing it my way."

The rice wasn't hard, and Penguin was able to handle it once I was done washing them, adding seasoning, and popping the bubbles that threatened to spill over. "Great job. Now add the cooked rice to this pan by gently pouring it and scraping the sides."

Penguin does as he's told. Rice mixes with vegetables and creates an interesting smell. Not my favorite, but my Dad was a fan of this kinda stuff. I like omurice better.

"We don't have soy sauce, so we'll just season with salt, pepper, and some garlic. That should be enough. Stir it together. Perfect. Add the eggs now."

He uses my new spatula and moves it around. While he's in a good mood. "Where is the Light Kingdom? How do they have such modern recipes?"

"I'm not sure. There should be clues inside the book if you read it."

Useless. You read that entire book, too, why can't you just tell me?

Penguin moves fluidly in the kitchen, and I observe while looking over his shoulder. "Stir-fry it until it's all crispy, which should take five minutes or so. After that, just garnish with a few green onions."

I turn around and stumble back. Nuwa and Akeso had stumbled in at some point. Along with Melinoë and Aja, they stared in awe as he carried out my orders.

"What?"

Melinoë started. "You really know how to cook?"

I gave her a deadpan look. "No. I honestly poison people—Yes, I cook. You know this."

"Yeah, but…that was different. You were even…" She shudders. "Nice."

"That's it. Looks like you're not hungry."

"No!"

Melinoë begged for food, and Penguin dismissed her. "What happened to it's useless and buy more cows?"

"Oh, come on!"

"Penguin? Those people outside. I'm guessing I'm going to need a lot of food to bribe them with. Can you make more rice now that you've got the hang of it?"

He gives me a sour look. "For free?"

"..."

"Yes, Penguin. Out of the kindness of our hearts, because they know how things work here. Haven't you heard of that saying? Make friends with the biggest kids on the playground? Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to be their lackey, but I need them for now. So I need something to leverage. I wonder if I can bribe that instructor. She's gotta be some kind of banshee with how she screams…"

"Wait, don't eat all of it!" I grabbed a plate, served some on it, and placed it at Aja's shrine. I recited the same prayer, lit her candles, and looked at her. "It's done." 

She grabbed the food, and it gave her a ghostly copy that she ate with relish. Kind of like a kitchen god. 

Penguin looked over his shoulder at me and gave me a piece of advice."Why don't you increase your stat points? It'll help you in the outside world."

"..."

He's right. Oh my god. I'm an idiot. I can just increase my strength.

"Status."

I pull up a chair near the kitchen table and minimize the screen so I can do it with ease. How many stat points do I have now?