Chapter 22

Solas looked around, the cold stone ground, icicles coming down from the roof of the cave, a bitter cold wind blowing through it. He'd not been in this cave before, but he could hazard a guess as to where he was.

Further in, he heard her voice, whispers, and whimpers. He continued further to find Holli, coming upon her down on her knees. On the ground was a girl about the same age as her, alive, barely breathing, bleeding heavily. Both Holli and the girl were wearing the same uniform. The same clothes she had arrived in Thedas with. Holli was trying to stem the bleeding, unsuccessfully.

"It's gonna be okay, Katie," she whisper-sobbed. "Just stay awake. Someone will stop him. Someone will come."

"Holli," Solas called softly.

Holli looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Solas. Solas, you have to help me," she whispered. "We have to get her out of here. It's not safe."

She kept looking to a spot behind him, like she was expecting someone. 

"It's not real, Holli," he told her.

"What?" She looked confused. "Solas, we don't have time. He might find us."

"You're dreaming. This is the Fade."

Solas knew she had nightmares from time to time, but she never talked about them. He had seen how she preferred to ignore or repress what she would rather not face.

"What?"

"Remember, you drank Lyrium, and I guided you towards the Fade as you drifted off."

If they managed to make it this far, Solas had wanted her to take the lead in this dream, to learn to manipulate the Fade around her. To see if she could. But to leave her in this would just be cruel.

With a wave of his hand, the girl on the ground vanished, and so did the frozen cave. She looked around, taking in the sight of Haven. Solas offered his hand and pulled her up, vanishing the blood on hers.

"What's going on?" She asked, quickly wiping her eyes.

He started walking, leading her towards the Chantry. How much did she remember?

"Do you know where we are?" He asked.

"Haven," she replied, following a step behind.

First he would attempt to ground her—familiar surroundings and a reminder of reality. He took her inside, down to the dungeon she had been kept. Lying on the stone floor were the restraints they had kept her in.

"Yuck," she muttered. "I hate this place."

He huffed a little breath of amusement as he looked down at the restraint, his own memories of those days coming to the fore.

"After healing you, I sat beside you while you slept, studying the anchor," he told her.

"How long can it take to look at a crack on my hand?"

"A magical mark of unknown origin, tied to a unique breach in the Veil? Longer than you might think. I ran every test I could imagine, searched the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I did not produce results."

"Cassandra's like that with everyone," Holli said, a glint of amusement in her eyes attempting to drown out the horror of minutes ago.

"Yes," Solas chuckled as he turned back, leading the way outside. "You were never going to wake up. How could you, a mortal sent physically through the Fade from we couldn't even imagine where? I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra... or she in me. I was ready to flee."

"Even after, I remember you were considering it," she said. "But the Breach threatened the whole world. Where would you go?"

"Someplace far away where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. I never said it was a good plan."

He looked up at the sky, where the Breach was once again marring the heavens.

"I told myself: one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee, and then..."

He recalled the way he had forced her to reach toward the rift, the way the magic burst from her.

"'It seems you hold the key to our salvation,'" he said, looking at her. "I remember the terror in your eyes when I said it."

"I remember the terror I felt, much as I'd rather not."

"You were already drowning. It was unfair of me to drag you deeper."

She smiled lightly. "You probably could have sugar-coated it a little."

He conceded that point with a faint smile. "You've adjusted well regardless. I'm sorry we're no closer to getting you home."

"Between us, I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually."

They lapsed into silence, staring up at the Breach. It was strange seeing it again.

"So, the Fade just looks like memories?" She asked.

"It can. It is shaped by the dreamers. But there are spaces between."

"Since I'm dreaming now, how can I shape it? I want to go somewhere warmer."

"It is much like manipulating your magic; it—"

He stopped mid-sentence as their surroundings changed. Haven melted away, walls growing from the ground covered in a pastel pink colour. A roof grew from there, a paper lantern light hanging from it. The room was small, most of the space taken by a double bed. Through the window above it, he could see a small yard down below. There was a well-loved vanity in the corner and a lone bookshelf overflowing with books. So much so, there were piles of them scattered around. There was a wall with pictures pinned to it and tiny lights on a string weaving through them. In front of the lone door, there was a dressing table covering it. There was barely an inch of surface that didn't have some kind of clutter on it. Mostly cosmetics, papers, jewellery, and books.

Holli looked around, looking less than impressed with it. "This is my bedroom. Not what I was after."

Solas looked at the small pictures, portraits mostly, but the realism in them was staggering.

"Those are photos. It, like, captures a moment—hang on," she looked around for something, picking up a small rectangular object from the bedside table. He'd seen it amongst her things when she had first come to Thedas.

She pressed the surface a few times before holding it up. There was a click and a flash of light, then she showed him. It was an instant rendering of his likeness.

"Neat, right?" She looked around. "Didn't realise how much of this stuff I took for granted."

He looked at the pictures again; there were many of her and two of the same people, a boy and girl her age.

"Those are my friends, Curtis and Yvette. And that's my mum, Candace."

There wasn't a very strong resemblance to her mother; he took that to mean she took after her father. He recalled her saying she didn't know who he was. 

Some of these pictures were from a time when she was very small, early childhood. She was easy to pick out with those ears of hers. Far too pointed for a human, not long and pointed enough for an elf. Similar to what he'd seen in some elf-blooded children. He was more convinced than ever her father was an elf. Somehow.

"I think you've made some kind of mistake," he said, indicating the dressing table blocking the door.

She shook her head. "When I'm in here, that's usually where I leave it. My room is my safe space. I can't always say the same about the rest of my house."

Her voice was quiet, and she avoided looking his way. He did not like the shame he saw in her face. Whatever happened outside her door, he was certain was no fault of her own. He was curious, but he would not pry. Merely listen should she need.

She let out a breath, shaking her hands out. "I'm gonna try changing it again; this wasn't where I was trying to go."

He was just impressed she managed to change it at all, and without any instruction from him. But she had always been clever.

Their surroundings shifted again; this time they were in a dimly lit—either a bookshop or a library. Floor-to-ceiling shelves full of books. A lot of them were obviously used. This place clearly contented her far more than her room had. There was a faint smile on her face, her eyes were bright, and her shoulders were relaxed.

"Page Turners," she told him. "A secondhand bookshop I used to come to all the time. I couldn't always afford to buy books, and they would let me hang out here and read until closing. It's closer to home than the library."

He followed her throughout the bookshop, weaving through the shelves until she found the section she was looking for. Scanning the titles, she pulled out a book with a grin, opening it up. Her expression immediately fell.

"It's blank," she said. 

"It's based upon your memory, Holli. If you've not read it before..."

"Fuuuuuuuuck," she sighed out, putting it back. "So I only have access to books I've read."

"No one can remember every book they've read."

"I can. Well, not every book; I can't really remember the ones from my early childhood. But look."

She pulled another book from the shelf and handed it to him. He opened it, and sure enough, there were words inside. Completely coherent.

"That's quite an incredible memory you have," he noted.

She just let out a hum as she started scanning the shelves. He was aware her recall was impressive, he hadn't known it was this good. 

"Okay, spending my dreams hanging out here and reading books is awesome. The Fade is awesome," she said.

"While I'm happy to hear it, unfortunately this amount of lucidity will not come easily every night. And you may need Lyrium to achieve it. Without it, you might go back to dreaming as you have been. Drinking Lyrium every night to go to sleep is... unwise."

She deflated a little. "Damn. Okay. Well, if this is the only night I get, I'm gonna show you some awesome shit. Come on."

Her grin was back in place as she grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the store's entrance. 

-

When Solas awoke the next morning, he lay on his cot and stared up at the ceiling for a while. He was... processing. Holli had said he'd looked 'a bit shell-shocked,' a term he had been unfamiliar with until she had explained it.

She had shown him her city, the place she ventured into every day for school or to meet her friends and make mischief. It was loud, full of constant activity, and inventions and contraptions he could never even have conceived of. And she was able to tune it out to do what she wanted. Her world was a constant bombardment against his senses, the sounds, the sights, the smells, the tastes. Granted, he was experiencing it through her memories. She had been eager to show him everything, and her memory was so incredibly deep and detailed.

He had awoken with a headache and the feeling of not having slept at all.

How people lived in her world was a mystery to him. But it explained a few things about the way she was.

She had clearly been happy to be home, even if it hadn't been real. And the way she had excitedly pulled him from place to place had been endearing. Her eagerness to share this part of her life no one could access, that no one in the entirety of Thedas had ever seen. 

He had often imagined what her world might be like, as they all had. He'd had a few late nights with Varric, or one of the advisors, pondering this foreign land that had bred a girl like Holli.

Nothing could have prepared him for it. It lacked the breathtaking beauty of Elvhenan, but the advancements had outpaced magic in many ways. And there had been pockets of beauty to be found in the city she called home.

But it was also a constant bombardment of stimulation. He could see why she grew bored without a book in her hand and why the quiet seemed to unnerve her at times.

While he wouldn't be opposed to another jaunt in her world, he needed time to recover from this one first.