Chapter 22

Change is inevitable. It's scary, whether it's tilted towards the positive or negative. It's always difficult leaving behind what you know to experience the unknown. I took a deep breath, trying to steady the irregular tempo of my heartbeat. 

We had been in the car for what seemed like forever. Biting my lips, I couldn't control my nervous action. Whenever I was anxious, I bit my lips until they bled. Unfortunately, as soon as I bit into my lip and tasted blood, Nancy, who was sitting in the front, hissed at me. The sound startled me out of my nervous stupor.

She was glaring daggers at me. "Look here, Leila," she snapped, her voice sharp with irritation, "I didn't spend hours doing your makeup for you to ruin it. Now be a good girl and sit still."

That seemed to do the trick. I sat quietly, my hands fidgeting in my lap, trying not to mess up the makeup Nancy had painstakingly applied. After what seemed like an hour, Diana handed me a flask. Mistaking it for water—though I should have known better by now, considering the duo's habits—I took it in one gulp. The liquid hit my throat like a firestorm, and I immediately began coughing and sputtering, my eyes watering as I tried to catch my breath.

"What in God's name did you put in that flask?" I wheezed, turning to Diana with a frown.

"Silly you," she said, barely containing her amusement. "Can't you see it isn't water? It's Pincer Vodka. How could you take it all in one gulp? Do you have a death wish?"

All the while, Nancy could not control her violent bursts of laughter. One look at my face sent her into another fit, and her laughter echoed through the car, making me angrier by the second. If I wasn't so scared of her temper and her recklessness, I would have shouted her down.

But this wasn't funny. It was a matter of life and death—I could have choked. Annoyed and already regretting my decision to come to the party, I thrust the flask back at Diana. Thankfully, it didn't spill on her dress. I turned to face the window, refusing to talk to them.

"Oh, Leila, would you quit the childishness?" Nancy's voice cut through my thoughts. "If you don't want to be here, then when the driver drops us off, you can ask him to take you home. Instead of admitting you're too scared and nervous to come, you're trying to bite our heads off. You can go down now."

"Nancy spoke in an authoritative tone. "Driver, stop the car now."

"Leila, will you get out? You can go home now. I don't want anyone ruining this night for Diana and me."

When I didn't budge or respond, she unbuckled her seat belt and walked over to the passenger seat where Diana and I were sitting. She yanked the door open and grabbed my hand in a steely grip. All attempts to free myself were futile. I sat firmer on the seat, grabbing the couch beside me in an attempt to steady myself.

What Nancy did next left me in shock. She slapped both my cheeks several times, like you would a naughty child. Then, she effortlessly yanked me out of the car, as if I weighed nothing, and threw me to the ground.

"Leila, just because I'm going easy on you doesn't mean you can treat Diana and me as you please."

I sat on the cold pavement, stunned and shaking. The pain in my cheeks stung, not just physically but emotionally. My mind raced, trying to process what had just happened. How could Nancy treat me like this? She was supposed to be my friend—or at least, that's what I thought. But now, sitting on the ground with my face burning from her slaps, I realized how wrong I'd been.

I looked up at her, the car's interior lights casting an ominous glow over her face. Nancy's expression was one of cold indifference, as if what she'd done was perfectly normal, perfectly acceptable. Diana stood behind her, looking down at me with a mix of pity and amusement, her arms crossed as if she was observing some sort of spectacle.

"Get up," Nancy ordered, her voice icy. "We don't have time for your theatrics. Either get back in the car and act like a grown-up, or stay here and find your own way home."

For a moment, I considered staying. The thought of going back to my empty apartment, far away from Nancy and Diana and all the stress of the night, was tempting. But deep down, I knew that if I left now, if I backed down, I would lose more than just a night out. I would lose my place in their world—the world I'd fought so hard to be a part of.

Slowly, I got to my feet, my legs trembling slightly. I felt humiliated, degraded, but I wasn't ready to let them see me give up. I wiped the tears from my eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded.

"Fine," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'll stay."

Nancy smirked, satisfied with my submission. She gestured for me to get back in the car, and I did, sliding into the seat next to Diana. The door slammed shut behind me, and the car began moving again.

For the rest of the ride, I remained silent, my mind racing with thoughts and emotions I couldn't even begin to sort out. The pain in my cheeks had dulled to a faint throb, but the humiliation lingered. I kept my eyes fixed on the window, watching the city lights blur by as we sped toward our destination.

When we finally arrived at the party, the atmosphere inside the car shifted. Nancy and Diana were suddenly all smiles and laughter, as if nothing had happened. They adjusted their dresses, checked their makeup, and prepared to make their grand entrance. I followed their lead, forcing myself to smile and act as if everything was fine.

But inside, I felt like I was falling apart. The night was just beginning, but I already knew it was going to be one of the longest nights of my life.

As we entered the party, the music hit me like a wall, loud and overwhelming. People were everywhere, laughing, dancing, and drinking. Nancy and Diana immediately blended into the crowd, their confidence and beauty drawing attention from everyone around them. I trailed behind them, feeling small and out of place.

"Leila, come on!" Diana called over her shoulder, waving for me to catch up.

I forced myself to move forward, trying to shake off the anxiety that was threatening to consume me. The party was supposed to be fun, a chance to let loose and enjoy myself, but all I could think about was how much I didn't belong here.

Nancy and Diana quickly found a group of people they knew and started mingling. I stood awkwardly at the edge of the group, unsure of what to do or say. The music was too loud for conversation, and the flashing lights made it hard to focus on anything.

I needed to get away, just for a moment. I turned and slipped through the crowd, heading for the nearest exit. I found myself outside on a balcony, the cool night air a welcome relief from the stifling heat inside.

I leaned against the railing, taking deep breaths to calm myself. The city spread out below me, a sea of lights and noise. For a moment, I let myself get lost in the view, trying to forget everything that had happened.

But the peace didn't last long. The door behind me opened, and I turned to see Nancy stepping out onto the balcony. Her expression was unreadable, but there was something in her eyes that made my heart race with fear.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked, her voice deceptively calm.

"I just needed some air," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

Nancy took a step closer, her eyes narrowing. "You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, I'm not leaving. I just… I just needed a break."

She studied me for a long moment, then nodded. "Good. Because if you left, Leila, I'd be very disappointed."

The threat in her words was clear, and it sent a shiver down my spine. I knew Nancy well enough to know that when she was disappointed, things didn't end well for the person who caused it.

"I won't leave," I promised, my voice barely audible.

Nancy smiled, but there was no warmth in it. She reached out and patted my cheek, the same one she had slapped earlier. The gesture was meant to be affectionate, but it felt like a warning.

"Good girl," she said softly. "Now, let's go back inside. We have a party to enjoy."

She turned and walked back inside, leaving me standing there, my heart pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath and followed her, knowing I had no choice.

The party continued, but I was only half there. I went through the motions, smiling and laughing when I was supposed to, but my mind was elsewhere. I kept replaying the events of the night over and over in my head, trying to make sense of them.

Why had I let Nancy treat me like that? Why hadn't I stood up for myself? The questions nagged at me, but I had no answers. All I knew was that I felt trapped, caught in a web of fear and confusion that I didn't know how to escape. Every time I thought about leaving, about walking away from Nancy and Diana and everything they represented, the fear tightened its grip on me. They were powerful, confident, and they had a way of making me feel small and insignificant. But they were also the closest thing I had to friends in this city, and the thought of being alone was almost as terrifying as staying with them.

As the night wore on, the party grew wilder. People danced with reckless abandon, the alcohol flowed freely, and the music seemed to get louder with every passing minute. I found myself standing by the bar, nursing a drink I didn't even want, just to have something to do with my hands. I watched as Nancy and Diana worked the room, charming everyone they spoke to. They were in their element, basking in the attention and admiration of the crowd.

I couldn't help but feel envious of them. They were so sure of themselves, so comfortable in their own skin. They didn't seem to care what anyone thought of them, while I was constantly second-guessing myself, worrying about how I was being perceived. It was exhausting, trying to keep up with them, trying to fit into a world that felt so foreign to me.

At one point, Diana spotted me by the bar and sauntered over, a playful smile on her lips. "Hey, why are you all the way over here? You should be out there, having fun!"

I forced a smile. "I'm fine, just taking a little break."

"Nonsense," she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the dance floor. "You need to loosen up, Leila. This is a party, not a funeral!"

I stumbled after her, trying to keep up as she led me into the throng of dancing bodies. The music pounded in my ears, the bass vibrating through the floor. Diana started dancing, moving to the beat with effortless grace. I tried to follow her lead, but I felt awkward and out of place. My movements were stiff, my body refusing to cooperate.

"Come on, let go!" Diana shouted over the music, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Just feel the music!"

I tried, I really did. But the more I tried to relax, the more tense I became. The crowd pressed in around me, the noise and the lights overwhelming my senses. I felt like I was suffocating, like the walls were closing in on me. Panic started to rise in my chest, and I knew I had to get out of there before I lost control.

"I need some air," I mumbled, pushing my way through the crowd and back toward the balcony.

Diana called after me, but I didn't stop. I burst through the door and into the cool night air, gasping as if I had been drowning. I leaned against the railing, my hands trembling, my heart racing. I couldn't do this. I couldn't pretend to be someone I wasn't, no matter how much I wanted to fit in.

I stood there for what felt like hours, trying to calm myself, trying to figure out what to do. Part of me wanted to leave, to just walk away and never look back. But another part of me was terrified of what that would mean. If I left now, I would be admitting defeat, admitting that I wasn't strong enough to handle this world. And that thought was almost too much to bear.

As I wrestled with my thoughts, the door to the balcony opened again. This time, it was Diana who stepped out, her expression one of concern. She walked over to me, her movements slower and more deliberate than usual.

"Leila," she said softly, "are you okay?"

I didn't answer right away. I didn't know how to answer. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of something, something I couldn't fully understand. Finally, I shook my head.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't know if I can do this, Diana."

Her expression softened, and she reached out to touch my arm. "It's just a party, Leila. It's supposed to be fun. But if you're not having fun, we can leave. We don't have to stay."

I looked at her, surprised. This was the first time I had ever seen Diana show any sign of vulnerability, any indication that she cared about how I felt. For a moment, I wondered if maybe I had been wrong about her, if maybe there was more to her than I had thought.

But then Nancy's voice cut through the night, sharp and cold. "What are you doing out here?"

We both turned to see her standing in the doorway, her eyes narrowed. She looked angry, her earlier good mood completely gone. She strode over to us, her heels clicking against the floor.

"I thought we were here to have fun," she said, her voice laced with irritation. "But all you've done, Leila, is sulk and whine. You're ruining the night for everyone."

I flinched at her words, my heart sinking. I knew she was right. I had been a drag all night, unable to shake off my anxiety and enjoy myself. But hearing her say it out loud made it hurt even more.

Diana looked between the two of us, her brow furrowed. "Nancy, maybe we should—"

"Maybe we should what?" Nancy snapped, cutting her off. "Coddle her? She needs to grow up and stop acting like a child. We brought her here to have fun, and all she's done is complain."

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but the words caught in my throat. I didn't know what to say, how to explain what I was feeling. I just wanted to disappear, to sink into the ground and escape from the pressure of their expectations.

But Nancy wasn't done. She took a step closer, her voice dropping to a low, threatening tone. "You're embarrassing us, Leila. If you can't handle a simple party, maybe you don't belong with us after all."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me, leaving me adrift in a sea of confusion and fear. I had always known that Nancy and Diana were powerful, that they could make or break someone with just a few words. But I had never imagined they would turn that power on me.

Diana tried to intervene again, her voice more forceful this time. "Nancy, that's enough. She's just not used to this kind of scene."

Nancy shot her a withering look. "That's not an excuse. If she wants to be a part of our world, she needs to learn to adapt. We don't have time to babysit her."

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I couldn't cry in front of them, not now. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my emotions in check, but the lump in my throat made it hard to breathe.

Nancy's gaze softened, but only slightly. "Leila, we brought you here because we thought you could handle it. But if you're going to keep acting like this, maybe you should go home."

The finality in her voice was unmistakable. This was a test, one I wasn't sure I could pass. If I walked away now, if I left the party and went home, I would be admitting that I wasn't strong enough, that I didn't belong in their world. But if I stayed, if I forced myself to push through the fear and anxiety, I wasn't sure what would be left of me by the end of the night.

I looked between Nancy and Diana, seeing the differences in their expressions. Nancy was stern, unyielding, expecting me to prove myself. Diana was softer, almost pleading, as if she wanted me to stay but wasn't sure how to make it better.

In that moment, I realized something important: I had a choice. I could choose to stay and try to fit into their world, or I could choose to leave and find my own path, one that didn't involve living up to their expectations. It wasn't an easy choice, but it was mine to make.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice trembling slightly. "But I think I need to go home."

Nancy's expression hardened, her eyes narrowing in disappointment. "Fine," she said curtly. "If that's what you want. But don't expect us to wait for you."

The words stung, but I nodded. "I understand."

Diana looked at me with a mixture of sadness and understanding. "I'll call a cab for you," she offered, her voice gentle.

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'll manage."

Nancy turned on her heel and walked back inside without another word, leaving Diana and me alone on the balcony. I could feel the weight of her disappointment pressing down on me, but I knew I had made the right decision.

Diana sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I'm sorry, Leila. I didn't realize it would be this hard for you."

"It's not your fault," I said, giving her a small, reassuring smile. "I'm just… not cut out for this, I guess."

She nodded slowly, her eyes filled with regret. "You're stronger than you think, you know. It takes a lot of courage to walk away."

"Maybe," I said, though I wasn't sure I believed it.

We stood there in silence for a moment, the sounds of the party muffled by the door. Finally, Diana moved towards the entrance to hail a cab for me, deep down I knew that if I left it would be the end of everything, forget it I change my mind, I would stay we all came together after all it won't do to just leave, Diana gave me a grateful smile as we went back to join the party, coward my head muttered to me.