Chapter 9: The Gravity of What Ifs

Gabu's Diary Entry:

Today, something strange happened. It wasn't a grand, dramatic moment like the stuff I write in my diary—no teasing winks from Rei, no whispered words meant to make my heart race. No, it was quieter. But somehow, it was heavier, like the weight of the sky pressing down on me.

It started with a question.

What if I told her how I feel?

---

The morning was uneventful, which, for me, was a small blessing. Classes passed without much trouble, and for once, Rei didn't corner me or drop a teasing remark. It was like the universe had decided to give me a break.

But, of course, I couldn't enjoy the peace for long.

I was sitting under a tree during lunch, enjoying the shade and scribbling in my notebook. I wasn't writing anything serious—just doodles and random thoughts to pass the time. The notebook wasn't my diary, but it was still private, a little piece of me that I didn't plan to share.

So, naturally, that's when Rei showed up.

"Writing another love letter to me?" she teased, dropping down beside me without so much as a hello.

I nearly choked on the water I was sipping. "I—What?! No!"

Rei laughed, leaning back against the tree and stretching her legs out in front of her. "Relax, Gabu. I'm just joking."

I glared at her, clutching my notebook protectively to my chest. "Well, it's not funny."

Her smirk softened into something closer to a smile, and she tilted her head to look at me. "What are you working on, then?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, snapping the notebook shut.

Rei raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? You're so defensive for someone who's doing 'nothing.'"

"I'm not defensive!" I shot back, but the blush creeping up my neck betrayed me.

Rei's gaze lingered on me for a moment, and then she leaned in, resting her chin on her hand. "You're such a mystery, you know that?"

I blinked, caught off guard. "A… mystery?"

"Yeah," she said simply. "You've got all these layers. One minute, you're blushing like crazy, and the next, you're snapping at me like I stole your lunch."

I frowned, unsure if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult. "Maybe you're just bad at reading people."

Rei chuckled. "Maybe. Or maybe you're just hard to figure out."

Her words hung in the air, and for a moment, neither of us said anything. The breeze rustled the leaves above us, and I tried to focus on the sound instead of the way my heart was pounding.

Then, out of nowhere, Rei asked, "Do you ever think about what ifs?"

I blinked, startled by the sudden shift in tone. "What ifs?"

"Yeah," she said, her voice quieter now. "Like… what if things were different? What if you made a different choice? What if you said something you were too scared to say?"

My breath caught in my throat. Was she talking about me? Or… us?

"I guess," I said cautiously. "Why?"

Rei shrugged, but there was something almost wistful in her expression. "I don't know. I just think about it sometimes. How small decisions can change everything."

I stared at her, my mind racing. Was she trying to tell me something? Or was I just overthinking again?

"What kind of what ifs?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Rei looked at me then, her eyes searching mine like she was trying to decide how much to say. Finally, she smiled—soft and a little sad.

"Never mind," she said, leaning back against the tree. "It's nothing."

But it didn't feel like nothing. It felt like everything.

---

Gabu's Diary Entry (Later That Day):

What if I told her how I feel?

Would it change anything? Would she laugh? Would she run away? Or would she… stay?

I keep thinking about the way she looked at me today, like there was something she wanted to say but couldn't. And it made me wonder—what if she's just as scared as I am?

What if she's waiting for me to make the first move?

---

The rest of the day passed in a haze. I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation under the tree. Rei's words echoed in my mind, filling me with a mix of hope and fear.

By the time school ended, I was completely distracted. So, naturally, that's when Rei decided to catch me off guard again.

I was walking home, my thoughts miles away, when I heard her voice behind me.

"Hey, Gabu! Wait up!"

I turned to see her jogging toward me, her bag slung over one shoulder and her usual smirk firmly in place.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound casual even as my heart started racing.

Rei shrugged. "I figured I'd walk with you. Is that a problem?"

"No," I said quickly, though my cheeks were already heating up. "I just wasn't expecting it."

We walked in silence for a while, the only sound coming from the crunch of gravel beneath our feet. I kept stealing glances at her out of the corner of my eye, wondering if she could hear how loud my heart was pounding.

Finally, Rei broke the silence. "Hey, Gabu?"

"Yeah?"

"What if…" She hesitated, her voice trailing off.

"What if what?" I prompted, my stomach twisting into knots.

She looked at me then, her eyes softer than I'd ever seen them. "What if you stopped being so scared all the time?"

Her words hit me like a bolt of lightning. "I—I'm not scared!" I protested, even though we both knew it was a lie.

Rei smiled—a real, genuine smile that made my chest ache. "You are. But it's okay. I just… I think you're braver than you give yourself credit for."

I didn't know what to say to that. Her words were so unexpected, so kind, that they left me completely speechless.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was… peaceful. Like maybe, just maybe, things were starting to shift between us.

---

Gabu's Diary Entry (That Night):

What if I told her how I feel?

What if she feels the same way?

What if she doesn't?

I don't know the answers, and that terrifies me. But for the first time, I'm starting to think that maybe… it's worth finding out.